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I have a desk overlooking the London skyline and to be honest could become used to this. Especially when I’m told how much the company will pay me for my work on the campaign. If this is what I’m paid, Riley must be loaded. The money made from a career in a decent PR firm is reflected in how a lot of the other girls in the office dress. Designer clothes and accessories. Well, I presume they’re designer. Their gear looks expensive and they often return from lunch with shopping bags imprinted with brand names I could never afford.
Riley doesn’t mix with them, neither do I. I work with her and a guy named Julian. I met him briefly at the party in Portugal, but we never chatted. He’s a nice guy, a world away from the men in my life recently, in looks and attitude. I’m intrigued by his impressive beard and fight against touching it. Inappropriate, I know, but I haven’t met a man rocking the lumbersexual image before. One thing he has in common with Jax is the focus on his work and future, only without the girls and alcohol that’s part of the rock star lifestyle.
I never noticed how entrenched I’d become in the weird world of stardom, even with the surreal turn of events once I started dating Jax. At least in this environment, I’m Tegan, not Tegan Hughes, Bryn’s sister and Jax’s accessory.
I miss Jax a hell of a lot; the space in my life I told him about is empty again. That space doesn’t need to remain empty. After the tour, Ruby Riot will finish recording the album in London, we can stay in London together, navigate our relationship into new waters. I could stay after this project is done — go to uni and take a course that fits with the role I have now, because I love the work.
I tell myself these plans are focused solely on what I want, but I’m lying to myself that Jax isn’t a big part of my decision. I’m caught in the pull between continuing to travel or stay with the man who has a firm grip on my heart. He’s pulled me away from the direction I was heading, and currently we’re side by side.
If I didn’t think we could make this work, I wouldn’t try.
35
MANCHESTER,ENGLAND
JAX
Will cancels the call and throws the phone in the air before deftly catching it. “This is gonna be one hell of a wrap up party.”
I sit on the table. “Who've you invited?”
Will lists off, alphabetically, half of our old Sixth Form class and a fair few names I recognise from uni. He finishes with a grin.
“Holy shit! That's fifty people, man.”
“They won't all come.”
“You reckon?”
“Yeah. It'll be cool. Some can see our awesomeness backstage, and we'll invite the important people back for our own personal party.”
I shake my head. “Hope you told our resident PR guru what to expect. Twins Gone Wild.”
Nate wanders in with a burger in his hand. “What we doing now?” he asks and takes a bite.
“You need to talk to your... whatever she is,” I say to him.
“Who?”
“Riley. Your girlfriend. Will's invited half of Oxfordshire to the wrap up party,” I say.
Nate pauses. “She's nothing to do with me.”
“Yeah, right,” mutters Will.
“Riley knows the score,” retorts Nate. “I don't date, that's Jax's avenue.” He shoves the rest of the burger in his mouth and scrunches the wrapper into a ball.
“You still screwing her?” asks Will.
“Who says I was?” Nate throws the balled paper at his brother's head.
As they argue over whether Nate’s lying, I check my phone. No call from Tegan. Following the conversation last week, I wavered between pissed off she wanted to leave me and happy something positive is happening to her after the drama she’s put up with. I’m facing a double-edged sword: if Tegan works with our PR, she won’t travel and hopefully stays in London. But if she starts her own career, our lifestyles could clash further. Plus, she could find somebody else more suited to her.
In the end, she compromised and returned to London a few days before we were due back in the UK, rather than a week. Tegan claimed this was only because she wanted to visit Milan, but we both know being together was part of her decision.
The UK leg starts in Manchester tomorrow, and Tegan intended to visit. Now she’s unsure she can travel here, throwing herself into her work. The more Tegan talks to me about this, the more Tegan sounds as if she wants to take on the PR gig permanently. I’m proud — she must be bloody good to be taken under their wing so quickly — but jealous too. I don’t want to lose her. I want to be the centre of her world the way she is to me. I didn’t realise how far into an obsession with her I’d fallen.
Months of the world falling at my feet, of getting everything I want, and now the very thing I want most could slip away. Tegan tells me she doesn’t want to be just Jax Lewis’s girlfriend; but what if she returns to reality, and I don’t fit her plans anymore?
