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I drink, not paying attention to whatever he’s saying now, as we wait in the Green Room. Will's right, I should be totally focused on tonight, and all I can think about is the fight with Tegan. When Tegan told me she might leave, I lost the plot. Couldn’t cope. Didn’t want the conversation. The last few months everything I’ve wanted has happened; everything I’ve demanded in my world has been given. Now what I want most has slipped away because I overreacted. And, let’s face it, behaved like a big bloody kid by leaving her.
Then today. I went to talk to Tegan, but the thought of losing her overrode common sense. Again. She tried to hide them; but I saw her tears, and my heart wrenched. I hurt her. The idea I caused Tegan pain crushes me when I promised her and myself I wouldn't.
I love her. Tegan matches music as my encompassing passion. I have no clue how to deal with this relationship shit and my attempt to call her bluff yesterday fucking failed, of course. What the fuck do I do to fix this?
“He's got that look again.”
I snap out of my daydreams. Nate’s appeared, and he and Will clutch at each other dramatically. “Romeo and Juliet,” sniggers Nate. “Star-crossed lovers.”
“Fuck off. You do realise they die in that play?”
Will shrugs. “Who cares? What’s with you and Tegan? Did you have a fight?”
I drink my beer and ignore him.
“Oh, man,” groans Nate. “I knew this would happen. I hope you haven't pissed off her brother.”
“None of your business!” I snap.
“Ah, well, you can forget about everything tonight. Play, get wasted, and find someone else,” replies Nate.
“You really don't get it, do you? I don't want anyone else.”
Will clutches his chest with mock dramatics. “That's beautiful! Young love.”
“What's she got?” asks Nate, helping himself to yet another beer. “Some awesome sex moves keep you going back for more?”
I narrow my eyes. “We're more than that.”
“Not just because she's a good fuck?”
In an instant, I'm over at Nate, slamming him against the wall. “Don't youevertalk about Tegan like that!”
“Whoa, Jax!” says Will from behind.
Nate looks back at me in surprise and grabs my hand where I'm clinging onto his shirt, pushing it away. “Calm down, man. How was I to know you'd turned into such a pussy?”
I shove him in the chest and step back. “Just because you can't treat a chick properly, doesn't mean we all have to!”
“Yeah? You forgotten three months ago? You were worse than me, you arsehole!”
“Maybe I decided to stop being an arsehole to women!”
“Very noble of you,” he scoffs. “You'll be married with a fucking baby next. The band has no hope!”
The door opens and Ruby heads in. The tension enters with her; she's often stressed before a gig and tonight's a big one. At least she's looking better than a few months ago. Tonight she's wearing a loose grey top over her short skirt reflecting Ruby’s self-consciousness over her body changing.
She halts and her eyes dart between us. “What the hell's going on?”
“Nothing,” I mutter.
“Then why do you look like you're about to kill each other?” Ruby gestures between Nate and me.
“It's fine. Don't worry,” says Nate, looking straight at me. “Will, let's go.”
I loosen my hand on Nate’s shirt and we stand head to head. His words pissed me off more than anything he’s said before. He might want to belittle the girls he hooks up with; but if he tries to cheapen Tegan, I swear I’ll hit him fucking hard. What pisses me off further is the disinterest in his eyes.
Dickhead.
