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Jax reaches an arm out to touch me and I step back. “Do you expect me to forgive you and fall into your arms? You'd probably drop me anyway!”
He giggles. “Yeah, probably. Fuck.” Jax slides to the ground and holds his head in his hands.
Does he mean his words? I look down at Jax, the man I love too, who's on the edge of a destructive life. He has talent — amazing talent — and he's becoming lost in a lifestyle that doesn't suit him. He's caring and loving. I've seen how he looked after Ruby, how he helped me. When Jax drinks, he's a different person. Violence is new, and a step in a darker direction. My heart hurts. I want to stop him, but can he stop himself?
“I'll find somebody to take you up to your room. I think your night's over.”
He doesn't respond, and drags his hands into his hair. “I fucked up. I didn't touch any more girls ‘cause of you. Never. Never want to. But you want to leave me. I’m not enough for you.”
In an amusing spectacle, Jax drags himself to his feet and stumbles. This man is a cliché drunk as he steadies himself on the wall.
“I was always honest,” he slurs. “Always. Never lied to you. I love you. So much. Like, a fucking lot.”
Bryn reappears and shakes his head at Jax. “Man, you need to sort yourself out.” Jax slips again and Bryn catches him before he crashes to the carpet. “It's always me picking up the pieces, isn't it?” he grumbles, hoisting Jax upright.
“I love her, Bryn,” he says pointing in my general direction. “I fucking love her! And you’re taking her away from me!”
“I'm sure you do. Where's your keycard?” Bryn asks.
“I love you, Tegan!” he shouts, this time catching the attention of people around. “I’ll go in there and tell the fucking world!”
“Shh!” I hiss.
Bryn pulls Jax in the direction of the elevators and I bow my head before slinking back into the party.
Since the day we split, I’ve wanted Jax to call and say he loves me, to accept we can be apart, and tell me we could work. Not anymore. With one punch, he’s confirmed exactly why this has to be over. Jax’s reaction to seeing me with another man smacks of somebody who’s further out of control than I realised.
I’m not signing up for this.
I refuse to let Jax spoil my night and I head back to the party. The exchange between Jax and Bryn niggles. If Jax is telling the truth about my job offer and Bryn’s interference is responsible for any of this, he’s gone too far. Way too far.
43
TEGAN
When did life become so hard? Oh yeah, when I became involved with a rock star. One who’s competing with my brother in the ‘control Tegan’ stakes. Add to this he’s shown he’s a possessive idiot who's going to punch every man I go near and I need space. A lot of space.
I meant what I said. I'm not having a relationship with a guy throwing himself readily into destruction. Look at last night's performance. How can I be with somebody who threatens themselves or others? Who expects me to mould my life around his?
This situation with Jax has gone on long enough.
I’m furious, can’t bring myself to talk to Jax in case he acts out again. I’ll leave him to his rock star life and resume mine.
Bryn. What the hell did Jax mean he arranged the job? I’m considering going to New York, but if I only got the job because Bryn organised it, no way. I refuse to be the girl given the position because of her connections, and I’m willing to bet splitting me and Jax underlies Bryn’s motives. So I’m doubly pissed off this job offer is part of the reason things unravelled between Jax and me.
I sit at Bryn’s kitchen counter and drink strong coffee while I consider his interference. Each time I hear a noise in the house, I ready myself for a confrontation. This puts me in an impossible position. If I go to the States, I’m indicating to Bryn that he’s allowed to run my life. And if I stay in London, I’m suggesting to Jax I want to stay and fix things. My third alternative is to leave the country and return to travel. The problem is, if I choose to do that, I need to wait until the Ruby Riot campaign is done next month. If I ditch the project before it’s complete, I’ve let myself down. I’ll stay until April and make my decision at that point.
Mydecision. WhatIwant. Screw anybody else.
Quiet footsteps head along the hallway, toward the kitchen and I tense, gripping my cup. Avery appears in the doorway, her small figure wrapped in a dark winter coat and long, brown hair falls across her shoulders.
“Oh, hey, Tegan.”
I return the greeting and watch as she pours herself a coffee too.
She smiles warmly. “Are you okay after last night?”
“Yeah. Is my brother awake?”
