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VIENNA,AUSTRIA
TEGAN
Another morning, another city.
I'm becoming lazy, alternating tiring nights of addictive sex with Jax, and sleeping in until near lunch. Over the next week, my trust in him builds. He hasn't joined Will and Nate on their hedonistic nights out, instead taking me with him to the bar in the hotel, or to any after parties held here. I've told Jax to go out, because I don't want him resenting me for curtailing his tour lifestyle. He explains that my plans have been interrupted; and as long as I'm around, he's focusing on us. Besides, he doesn’t want press scrutiny any more than I do.
The pessimist in me wonders how long his self-control will last. By the end of the first week, he's starting to crack, and I tell Jax I'm cool with him going out. Jax refuses unless I’m with him. This attitude is sweet, but not sustainable. Doesn't he trust himself?
I stand in the window of my gilded prison and stare out at the Viennese skyline as I pace the treadmill in the gym. Today, the sun shines brightly, the cathedral spire central and stretching into the blue sky. In the distance, the Alps dominate. One day I'll come back to Europe and an Alpine resort; ski on a beautiful winter's day like this one. The only fresh air I've breathed recently has been in and out of cars between airports and hotels, and I'm at my coping limit.
I check my watch. Jax is with Will and Nate until later, and he's into his usual sound check, perform, drink routine. I told Jax I'd check in with him before he leaves and then... What? The boredom grows and suffocates.
There's a park a few hundred metres from the hotel, bordered by thick tree canopies. Temptingly close. As I stare at the green oasis from the gym window, I justify my oncoming decision. When we arrived yesterday afternoon at the airport, most fans I saw were closing in on Blue Phoenix while Jax and me slipped into our waiting car without any hassle. Austrian fans could be calmer; I doubt the small group of people following the bands from city to city are part of the mental fan base who post poison on the internet. Most of the bullshit directed at us is from social media.
Everybody is overreacting.
Hell, I'm wearing running shoes, if anybody does approach me I can move fast.
I slip out of the hotel and cross the busy city street. When I reach the Volksgarten park, I jog along the paths bordering manicured lawns; and with each step, a sense of easy freedom pushes in. Other tourists nod in greeting when I smile at them as I pass. Hair in a ponytail under a baseball cap, I’m hardly recognisable unless somebody is a true stalker. One thing I suspect is the most vicious of people probably never step out from behind the keyboard. Most wouldn't know what to say to me if we did meet.
Despite working out in the gym every day, there's something magical about doing the same outdoors, especially in such beautiful surrounds. I track my distance on my watch, annoyed my pace and times have dropped, but I am using a lot of energy on Jax currently.
Jax. If it weren’t for the crap that comes with his fame, he'd be too good to be true. Okay, so much of his attentiveness to me is sex, but there's a definite connection beyond the physical. Otherwise, why else would we be comfortable spending long periods hidden away in each other's company?
Then there’s the fact Scott wasn't as confident a lover as Jax is, or as adventurous. Occasionally, I have to blank my mind of Jax doing the same things with more than a handful of girls before me; but as the days pass, the images are pushed out.
I feel as if I've known Jax months and not weeks.
I pause at the edge of the road, readying myself to return to the hotel and spot a coffee shop nearby. The coffee sold in the hotel is passable, but the popularity of this place and the aroma spilling out onto the street draws me in.
The cafe is busy with tourists and locals, the staff coping well with their diverse clientele. Some tourists attempt to speak German and others shout in English as if this'll improve their chances of being served. I hang back and wait my turn.
Nobody pays attention to the perspiring girl with a pink face.
Unable to resist the array of pastries on offer, I pick two strudels, one for me and one for Jax. With a cup in each hand and a bag of pastries between my teeth, I head to my neighbouring hotel.
When I enter, the elderly concierge studies me with a frown as I nod. I guess I don't look like the usual guests of the prestige establishment.
He breaks into a smile of his own as he remembers who I am. “Good run?”
I nod again.
Filled with well-needed endorphins, I head to the elevators and back into the artificial light and air con of the band’s hotel floor. I can cope with another day stuck inside now. Maybe. While jogging, I ran through the original plans I had for my visit to Vienna in my head. I could go further afield; slip out when the attention shifts to the venue, where fans head to catch a glimpse of — and possible selfie with — the band members if they can catch them outside.
“Tegan!” I stop at Jax's panicked voice and turn.
He strides over, brow tugged into a deep frown. “Where were you?”
I hand him a coffee and take the bag out of my mouth. “I went out, for a run around the park. Picked these up on the way back, do you like —“
His eyes grow in surprise. “You did what?”
“I went out. Nobody was around, the press must be out chasing somebody else.”
“Tegan! What the fuck do you think you're doing?”
I blink. “Excuse me, but don't you dare speak to me like that!”
