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35
Valentina
“Congratulations!” I said, coming up to Dom at the small graduation party his parents were having for him. “You’re a college graduate.”
“For about a millisecond until my job starts, and then there’s graduate school in the fall.”
“Always a man with a plan.” I smiled at him. We’d been on and off all through college. I figured graduation was a good time for us to figure out a way to be together permanently.
“Without a plan, we’ll be poor.”
Dom talked about our future a lot. How we’d get married at thirty, kids at thirty-two, once my dancing career was drying up. We’d stay in Manhattan and raise our kids in the city. Close enough to both sets of grandparents that we could visit, but far enough away to have our own lives. But as much as he liked to boost me up with hopes of a future, he was always quick to take away that hope with details of whatever his next plan was.
“What do you want to do?” I ask.
“Let’s go eat. I have something to talk to you about.”
“What about the party?” I asked.
He shrugged. “I’ve said hello to everyone. No one will notice if we slip out for a bit.”
We headed to the diner we often went to pig out after finals or on our rare nights out. He slid in across from me and we each ordered fries and shakes, his strawberry and mine chocolate.
“Just spit it out.” I wasn’t going to play his game of waiting until the end of the night when he’d drop something huge on me then go home.
“Graduate school is intense. I barely had time to see you during undergraduate. Not to mention my job. We have a plan and I think we should put us on pause until I finish. Without you as a distraction, I’ll take an extra course load and graduate sooner than—”
“And then what? You tell me you have to work a few years? By pushing your life off, you’re pushing mine too. I don’t understand why we can’t be together while you accomplish everything you want to.”
“Because I’d rather be with you than study. It’s distracting. Only because you’re so hot.” He smirked, but I didn’t return his smile.
“And what if I find someone else?”
He leaned back, a perplexed look on his face. He hadn’t thought about that. Should I join the nunnery while he became the success he wanted to? “Do you want to find someone else?”
“No. But I’m sick of spending Friday and Saturday nights watching you study or saying you have a paper due and we’ll have to postpone whatever plans. I’ve been out with Lulu and Vinny more than you recently.”
He sighed and mulled over my words. I thought he was changing his mind. That he’d pick up his head, grab my hand, and say I was right. He was being stupid. How could he decide to put me on a shelf until the perfect moment arrived?
But he didn’t. “I know we’re sacrificing a lot, but the payoff will be worth it. I promise.” He reached for my hand, but I slid it off the table and tucked it in my lap. “Don’t do this, Val.”
“Why is being successful so important to you?”
He blew out a breath. We each thanked the waitress when she set our fries and milkshakes in front of us.
“Well?” I prodded.
“I don’t know. It just is. I want to have money. Look how hard our parents work for almost nothing. I want to have savings and not sit with my wife at the dining room table, wondering how we’re going to pay for the air conditioning that just quit. I want to look my kids in the eye and say I’ve got you covered for college. I want to be able to travel with my family and spoil my wife like she should be.”
His reasons held weight. I’d seen my parents struggle for years. Witnessed Ma’s tears because she couldn’t afford to go visit her family in Italy. I understood the reasons for him wanting to be financially secure. But I didn’t understand why we couldn’t do it together.
“If you love me, why are you so willing to set me aside and chance losing me?”
He took a straw out of the holder and put it in my milkshake. I wanted to stab him with it. Tell him not to do nice things for me when he was in the process of breaking my heart.
“Because I trust that you love me as much as I love you. I trust that we’re meant to be together. Forever.”
I smiled because he’d been so forthcoming with his feelings. Sometimes he was better at it than me. But I was bitter and mad that he’d risk losing me and our future over money. Money couldn’t buy happiness.
“Have it your way, Dom.” I picked up my milkshake and poured it into his lap. “Have a nice life.”
I walked out of the diner. He didn’t chase me, and I didn’t stop to second-guess myself. I didn’t see him until six months later when I had to tell him I was pregnant with Ryder after spending one night with Max.
Islid out of the taxi with my arms wrapped around myself, the anger from that moment resurfacing. In my condo, I sit on the couch and tell myself that this is for the best. Dom doesn’t cherish anything but the numbers in his bank account. That sweet kid who promised me the moon and stars is now a bitter man who holds grudges for the consequences of his own decisions.
