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37
Valentina
Ihate Sundays now, and I’m not sure my parents are big fans of them either. We sit at the table for four in my parents’ house. Ryder’s been acting strange for the past three days. Asking me questions about my dance schedule when he never cared before. I think he’s worried about me. I try to mask my sadness around him, but I know I wear it like a layer of foundation.
It reminds me a lot of the aftermath of telling Dom I was pregnant. I was miserable but trying for the sake of everyone around me to pretend that everything was all right. I was excited to be carrying a new life inside me after the shock wore off, but I wasn’t doing it with the man I’d always imagined I would be.
I felt like I was going to throw up the closer I came to Dom’s apartment door. I’d been avoiding his calls for weeks now—ever since I’d found out I was pregnant.
I’m not sure what was going to be worse, telling him or telling my parents.
No, we weren’t together, and I technically had nothing to feel guilty about but knowing that and feeling it were two different things. It hadn’t been my intention to sleep with Max the night we met but I’d still been rebounding from my break-up with Dom after he told me that he wanted to set our relationship aside for grad school. Lucia took me out to get drunk and I had, so with a little encouragement from her I’d thrown caution to the wind when Max wanted to take me home. I was determined to prove to myself that I could move on from Dom by sleeping with someone else.
Sober me hated what I’d done when I crawled out of his bed the next day.
But I never really thought that Dom and I were done after our last break-up. That was what we did. Broke up and got back together.
At that moment I knew that would be the end of us.
With a deep voice and the small amount of lunch I’d been able to keep down swirling in my stomach I knocked on his door and held my breath.
He looked surprised to see me when he opened the door and I couldn’t help but think how good he looked in his jogging pants, bare feet and t-shirt. “Val.” He exhaled a big breath and drew me into a hug. “I’ve been calling your parents for a couple of weeks trying to get a hold of you. Didn’t you get my messages?” He pulls away and holds me by my shoulders at arm’s length.
I nodded. “I did. I had some things to figure out before I talked with you.” A crease formed between his eyebrows. “Can I come in?”
“Yeah, of course.” He stepped back to let me pass him and I walked into the small apartment he was renting close to Columbia. “I actually have something I need to say to you.”
I turned around and faced him once I’d reached his living room and I knew. I knew from the expression on his face that he was going to apologize and ask if I wanted to get back together.
And under any other circumstances the answer would’ve been yes.
Instead the knowledge that we would never be what we once were tore at my insides until I felt like I was drowning in my own blood. My throat constricted and my eyes watered until they overflowed.
Dom frowned. “What’s wrong? I know what I said about us not being together—”
I placed my hand over his mouth and savored what would probably be our last physical contact. Because once Dom heard what I had to say I knew he’d never feel the same way about me.
My stomach revolted and I placed a hand over it, very near to where new life was growing inside me.
“I need to tell you what I came here to say before you say anything further.” I let my hand drop and went to sit on his couch. It was cheap student version of furniture, but I had no doubts that one day it’d be replaced with something worth envying.
He came to sit beside me, and I looked at him one last time, committing his face and the way he looked at me to memory.
“What’s going on Val?”
With a deep breath I dove in. “A couple of months ago I went out with Lulu to try and get you off my mind. I was still pining away for you and not understanding why you pushed me away and Lulu was sick of it, so we decided the best way to get over you would be to go out and have some fun. With a little liquid courage I went home with someone that night.”
I watched as his face twisted into anger and I fisted my hands in my lap.
His jaw was clenched, and it was clear he was trying to reign himself in. “I could’ve lived without you telling me that.”
I knew I had to barrel forward, or I’d never get the words out. “But I have to tell you. And the reason is… “
Time seemed to slow, and I became aware of everything around me in that second. The way his nostrils flared in anticipation of whatever I was going to say, how the sunlight through the window hit the edge of the coffee table and reflected up onto his chest, and the ticking sound of the clock in the background.
“I’m pregnant.”
He stared at me unblinking for a second before he shot up off of the couch and roared, “You’re what?”
