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“Whiskey’s fine, thank you.”
He gestured for me to sit in Quinn’s usual chair. A slight indentation in the cushion hinted at the slender form of its usual occupant. “Where is everyone? It’s so quiet.”
“My wife’s taking a nap before dinner. She’s been working tirelessly over at the church soup kitchen. We’ve too many unemployed, James. It breaks my heart to see it in my town, but I’m unable to think of what to do to save them. The women in my family seem to be better at that than I.” He went to the door of his study and shut it firmly.
“Fiona mentioned the mill closed.” It was not only my family suffering in these times. I must remember this when I filled with self-pity. However, my father’s gambling had brought them to the brink of poverty long before the depression began. He had no one to blame but himself. Whereas the hardworking men at the mill were struggling through no fault of their own. They’d been able to feed their families because of their toils. Now? They were like me, at the mercy of others.
“Yes, for now. I hope it’ll return once this damned depression is over. Whenever that will be.” He handed me a tumbler of whiskey and sat. The chair groaned under the weight of its tall occupant. “It’s been a struggle for me to see what’s happened to residents in my own town and have no way to help them, other than to sponsor the food kitchen at the church. Not enough, mind you. I should be doing more by opening some kind of business that employs those no longer at the mill. But what would it be? I’ve prided myself on providing opportunities for anyone who wished to live here. I am no longer able to do so.”
“You will again. Once the world economy returns to robustness.” I said the words but didn’t really know if they were true.
“James, may I speak frankly?” Alexander turned slightly to get a better look at me.
“Of course, sir.” I braced myself for what was coming. He knew. The whole family knew.
“I think of you as one of our family. All the summers you’ve spent here with us—the friendship you share with Fiona—well, that makes you one of us.”
“Thank you, sir. I think of you all as family, too.”
“It seems to me you’re making a great sacrifice for your father. One that no man should expect from his son.”
I looked into the fireplace, noticing for the first time the tile behind the grate—patterns of swirling blue against a white background. “I don’t know what else to do.”
Alexander glanced toward the doorway, as if he expected an intrusion, and lowered his voice. “James, are you in love with Addie?”
I downed the rest of my whiskey and rested the back of my head against the chair, looking up at the ceiling. A polished wooden beam made of walnut ran down the center. Alexander had spared no expense when he built this home. Each decision made with care. “I’m afraid so. More than I thought possible.” My gaze traveled over the knots and growth rings. Like this family, I thought. Intertwined for eternity. I wanted to be a part of their family tree.
“I’ve had more fun with her than I ever have,” I said when Alexander remained quiet. “The truth is—she’s become my entire world. She’s all I think about. All I want. Spending time with her feels like home.” I turned to look at him, inwardly wincing and expecting to see anger coming from him. Instead, his eyes were soft and compassionate.
“Son, that’s when you know she’s the one you should grab hold of and never let go. When I fell in love with Addie’s mother, I fought it, too. She was much younger than I and had her whole life ahead of her. I had my children and all the complexities that come with them. Even worse, they’d fallen for her, too. I thought I might have set us all up for broken hearts. Instead, she loved me back and we formed a partnership. One that’s lasted for two decades and going strong. All that to say, despite my doubts, I would have done anything to make her mine. Fortunately, I didn’t need to make sacrifices in order to have her. Your situation is different in that way. I know it’s not an easy choice, the one you must make between the woman you love and your family.”
“I’ve not wanted to fall, sir, but it’s proven impossible not to. There’s something about her that I find irresistible.” Recalling our kiss, I blushed, half expecting a lightning bolt to rip through the ceiling. “She’s…we have a lot in common. She’s everything, sir. Everything to me.” How could I describe this growing sense of her living within me, as vital as the blood that pumped through my veins? “But what do I do? If I let myself have her—I wreck the lives of so many.”
“You must decide what you’re willing to give up and who you’re willing to hurt to get what you want,” Alexander said, not unkindly but with the slightest edge in his tone. This was his daughter he was talking about, after all. “What it is you want from this life. Who you want by your side through the good and bad times. And what you’re willing to give up to get it.”
“Yes, sir.” I clasped one hand over my knee, squeezing the skin under my pants.
Alexander’s brows knitted together. A streak of silver in his hair caught the light. “Has Fiona ever mentioned her real mother?”
“Not often. She thinks of Quinn as her mother.”
“She was very young when Quinn came to us. Only three. Her mother, my wife Ida, died when she was an infant.”
I nodded. Fiona had told me the tragic story of her mentally ill mother. She’d perished in a snowdrift, having wandered out of the house in the middle of the night. “Yes, I remember.”
“I loved Ida, but she was troubled. Because of the children, I have no regrets, of course. I’d do it all over again to have them. However, she made my life miserable while she was alive and then left me with five children to raise alone. I don’t know what would have happened to us if Quinn had not arrived in our lives. I don’t want you to suffer the same fate. It’s not too late to back out and choose another path.”
“I can’t. Not without hurting my family.”
“Your father made his choices. As hard as that is to understand, that’s what they were, choices. Albeit reckless ones.”
I stifled a bitter laugh. A hummingbird came to the window and hovered for a moment before flying off in search of nectar.
“Let me ask you this again,” Alexander said. “What are you prepared to give up for the people you love?”
“I’m giving up Addie. It’s killing me, but it’s what I have to do.” This was about my family. Saving them. Wasn’t it? “I don’t know if I can live with the guilt of passing up the opportunity to keep my family from poverty. My mother—she deserved better—deserves better—than being reduced to living with distant relatives. And that would be a good scenario. The truth is, there is no one. Where would they even go?”
Alexander’s voice rose. “A man should not ask it of his son.” He splayed his hands over his thighs and leaned forward slightly. “I can’t stay silent any longer. I’m going to say this bluntly, so forgive me. You must not go through with this. If you love Addie, then make this right between you.”
