AllFreeNovel
Share Us
15
JAMES
At his office,Theo walked me out to the lobby. He’d given me an exam but found nothing amiss, diagnosing the pain behind my eye as simply a response to stress.
“Get some rest,” Theo said. “And take this with some water. Should relieve the pain away pretty quickly.” He handed me a small paper bag with powder in it. He cocked his head, seeming to size me up in a different way than he had in the examination room. Although he and Flynn were identical twins, now that I knew them I could easily tell them apart. Theo was scholarly and austere. He wore wire-rimmed glasses, and his white coat made him seem very doctorly indeed. On the other hand, Flynn had the look of a man who spent a lot of time outdoors, strong and windblown.
“Thanks, Theo,” I said. “When I woke up this morning I thought I might be dying.”
“What’s going on out there at the house anyway?” He pushed his glasses further up his nose and peered at me. “You look like a man who hasn’t slept for a week.”
“I’ve not been sleeping too well. I have a lot on my mind. The wedding. Lena’s father. Demands from my father.” Such simple words to describe such a troubling and complex dilemma.
“You have a lot to contend with, no doubt,” Theo said. “Women planning weddings can take a lot out of a man.” He gave me a reassuring smile, oblivious to my inner turmoil. “Soon enough, all that will be over and you’ll get to the good part.” He clapped a hand on my shoulder. “You’re a good man, West. I wish you could be part of our family forever, but once you marry, Lena’s family will be yours, too.”
“There’s only her father. I wonder, sometimes, what Lena would be like if her mother were still living. She died when Lena was an infant. Raised by a cold man…” I trailed off. Why was I still talking? Theo didn’t need to know all this. “My point is, Lena can be a handful.”
“Yes, I understand. Without a mother, Lena’s missed the love and nurturing she needed. That will appear in your marriage from time to time. No way around it. Our wounds from childhood remain, unfortunately. You’ll have to love her unconditionally and support her, even if at times she may overwhelm you.”
“Is that how your marriage is?” If so, this surprised me. He and Louisa always appeared as close as two people could be. In addition to raising two children together, she was part of his medical practice, delivering most of the babies born in this community as a midwife who had trained while assisting her husband.
“Louisa experienced a lot of trauma as a child. It haunts her at times. When it does, I’m there to love her.”
Didn’t Lena deserve to be loved this way? What kind of man was I to deny her? If only it were as simple as willing myself to love her instead of Addie.
* * *
Driving homein one of the Barnes cars, with the piercing pain still behind my right eye, I winced against the sunlight. I got out of the car. Delphia sat on the wooden swing, the tips of her toes in the grass rocking to and fro. I lifted my hand in greeting. She jumped down from her perch and came charging toward me.
“James West, we’re going to have a little talk.”
I sighed. The other eye began to ache. “I know what you’re going to say.” I held up my hands in defense.
“Listen to me. My sister loves you and yet you’re too foolish to make this right. You kissed her, James. And then she saw you kissing Lena. She’s broken. You’ve broken my sister.”
I hung my head. Shame inundated me. I’d handled all of this so poorly. “You’re right. About everything. I got wrapped up in the little world Addie and I made together this summer. It was wrong because I wasn’t free. I knew I wasn’t.”
She let out a puff of air. When she spoke next, her voice softened. “To be fair, Addie knew your situation as well. She’s as much to blame as you. But, James, what are you doing? You can’t marry that little fox. It’s all wrong.”
I leaned against the side of the car and pulled my hat further down to cut some of the glare of the relentless sun. “Delphia, I’m sorry I’ve hurt Addie. You can’t imagine how much. But I have responsibilities.” To my alarm, tears flooded my vision, and my voice cracked. “I’ve made promises to them all.”
“Oh, goodness. Don’t cry. I can’t stand it.” Delphia placed her hand on the sleeve of my jacket. “I’m going to fix this.”
I couldn’t help but chuckle as I wiped my eyes. “You can’t just will things to happen.”
“I know. However, actions speak louder than words.” With that, she trounced off, skirts swinging side to side.
I ripped off my hat and swept a hand through my hair, overwhelmed with the complexities of my life. If only Delphia were right and she could fix it all. Alas, I knew this was not the way of the world. Those of us without power remained thus. Single women and men with no fortunes were among the most powerless.
* * *
I was walkingpast the study when I heard Alexander’s voice calling to me.
“James, is that you?”
I poked my head around the door. Alexander was at his desk in the dark-paneled room. Two chairs, where he and his wife often sat in the evenings, were perched in front of the fireplace. Because of the heat of the afternoon, it remained unlit. Windows on either side of the hearth allowed the afternoon light in, giving the room a golden tinge. Remnants of Alexander’s pipe smoke lingered near the ceiling and reminded me of cherries. “What can I do for you, sir?”
“Come in, if you can. I’m about to have a whiskey. Would you care for one? Or a brandy?”
