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“There are practical reasons, too.”
She sighed and scooted closer to me. The grass brushed up against her cheeks, but she didn’t seem to notice. “I’m sorry, James. I’m sorry you can’t love me. I’m sorry about forcing you into this. I’m sorry we ever came here.” She started to cry again. “You love Addie. I know you do.”
“I do. Desperately.”
“Oh, James, you poor darling. This must be horrific for you. Forced to marry me and walk away from her. I can’t have it. There has to be a way out.”
“Lord Barnes has offered to take in my sister and mother,” I said. “But that would mean betraying my father. I would not be able to save him.”
She blinked and looked up at me from eyes smeared with mascara. “Listen to me, James. You must do what’s right for you. Save yourself and let your father fend for himself. I’ll tell Father you’ve changed your mind. He can’t force you to marry me. I want you to be free.”
I stared up at the blue sky, gathering my thoughts. A fluffy cloud floated just above the line of trees, as carefree as could be. An image of my father took the place of the cloud. His hard eyes stared back at me.You are worthless,they said. “What about my father?”
“To hell with him.”
I drew in a breath, shocked to hear an expletive from her. Although considering what had happened earlier, this was hardly the most outrageous event of the day. “And you? What will become of you?”
“I’ll have to face it. Finally face it. I do love you, James. Not the way I should to spend the rest of my life with you. As your friend, though, I want you to be happy. Isn’t that something? I’m not as selfish as we all think I am.”
“I care about you, too,” I said gently, pity washing over me. “You’re not selfish.”
“I am. I wanted to be saved from my fate, but it’s not fair to you.”
“Your fate? What do you mean?” I thought of what Alexander had said earlier. “Why is it you and your father were rushing this marriage?”
She touched the collar of my shirt. “I love someone else, too.”
“You do?” Sparks of shock sputtered through me. “Who? Why aren’t you marrying him? I don’t understand.”
“He’s a poor man. A nobody. Father won’t let me marry him.” She wouldn’t look at me, staring at the ground. “I kept hoping I could forget him and fall in love with you. I did try, you know. But then when I saw you with Addie, I remembered exactly how it feels to love someone you can’t have. I’ve been desperate, that’s all.” She drew in a long and shaky breath. “I’m in trouble.”
“Trouble?” I repeated, numbly. What kind of trouble?
“I’m going to have a baby.”
A baby. And then it all made sense. The hurry and the pushing. Lena was pregnant with the man’s baby. Her father needed her to marry someone right away to hide that the baby had been conceived out of wedlock. How had I not seen it? All of it was so obvious to me now. “That’s what this is about? Your father wanted to buy your way out?”
“That’s correct. Thus, the rush. He didn’t want anyone to know I was already pregnant. You were the perfect choice because you were desperate in your own way.”
The shock of what she was telling me made it impossible to think of what to say.
“I’m sorry, James. Truly, I am.”
“I’m sorry, too. Sorry for your situation and your broken heart.” This poor girl. No wonder she’d agreed to this. I was her savior. Now I was letting her down, as I would my dad. All for Addie. “Is there anyone else who could take my place?”
“I suppose there will be. Men will do a lot for money.”
“Will you be all right?” Such a lame question. She wouldn’t be all right.
“I’ll be peachy, darling.” She looked up at me for a second before turning toward the fence, her gaze on one of the horses. “Go to Addie. Tell her you love her. Tell her you’ll do whatever it takes to have her, even betray your father. I’ll tell Father when he returns—from wherever he’s been—that I’ve changed my mind.” Was it relief in her voice? Resignation? I couldn’t decide. “Whatever Father does, he will do. I’ll be very brave, James, and tell him that you don’t want his money and that men like you always choose love.”
Could I be as brave? “Lena, how will I do it? How do I write to my father and tell him his one chance out of all of this is gone?”
She looked me square in the eye. “You have to. This is your life, James. He made his. Lord Barnes will take in your mother and sister. Your father will continue on as he always has.”
“Making one selfish decision after another,” I said.
“That’s right.”
