Page 24 of Surviving in Clua


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She stays quiet. So do I. Crickets buzzing, waves rolling. The soundtrack of Clua.

“I bet you met those expectations and then some.” She’s watching me with the same concentration she was staring at the water with earlier.

“Maybe.”

Her gaze drops to my mouth. She blinks it back to my eyes. “No maybes. I bet your parents are proud of you.” The downturn to her lips is impossible to miss.

“Shit changes when you stop doing what’s expected.” I lean back on my free hand and scan her face.

“I know.” She nods slowly. Goes back to staring at the ripples her feet are making in the water.

Minutes pass.

“You didn’t answer my question though,” she finally whispers.

“Kenzi,” I sigh. I don’t need to ask her to clarify. I can see it. Feel it. Practically see the slide show of what happened that night in the hospital playing out in her head.

“I’d like to know why.”

“It’s complicated.”

“It wasn’t until you made it that way.”

“I’m not the guy for you, Zi.” I hold her stare when she looks up. Eyes wide. Clear blue.Hurt.

“There’s more to it than that” Her eyebrows are low, her lips tight. “Regardless of what people might think, I’m not stupid.”

Neither of us is smiling now. I put my empty bottle down and turn to face her. “It should never have happened.”

“Because?”

“Don’t.”

“When you pulled me into that room, you knew what would happen.”

“I know.” I click my tongue and look away, the memories flashing like a strobe light in my head, fast and too fucking real. I was drowning that night. The accident. The memories it triggered. The crippling panic attack on the verge of dragging me under. Then Kenzi had appeared, and I’d grabbed onto her like a life raft.

“When you pushed me against that wall, you knew what you were doing.”

“I know,” I grind out, shaking my head, unable to look at her, guilt twisting my gut. I knew what I was doing.

She kicks at the water irritably. “It wasn’t just me. You kissed me.Youkissedme.”

“I know!” I roar, then instantly regret it when she jumps. I scrub my hand over my mouth. “It was a mistake.”

Silence settles around us, but for the distant waves and the pool lapping against the tiles. I tap my finger against the beer bottle, breathe.Fuck. I can practically feel the hurt rolling off her.

“A mistake.” She pulls her feet from the pool and stands, water rushing down her smooth calves to darken the pavers below.

“Mymistake, Zi.” I lift my beer and turn away so she can’t try and read my face. “Not yours.”

Glaring, she shakes her head like she can’t even believe me. “You know what?Thiswas a mistake.” She gestures at the air between us. “All of this. Pretending we’re something we’re not… forget I said anything. We’re not friends, Mylo—we never were.”

I didn’t swim. And I can’t fucking sleep without her.

Every time I close my eyes, it’s something different. Kenzi. My team. My ex. My goddamn operation. I flick through the channels on the TV. At 3AM, it’s nothing but talk show repeats and music.

And porn.

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