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She knows.
I cut the engine and stretch my fingers, half surprised not to find dents in the steering wheel.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Kenzi flicks her gaze to me, then out of the windscreen of the black Audi I hired for today so she wouldn’t have to sit in my pickup.
Her voice is small, unsure. I can’t blame her. I’ve cut her off twice on the way over. The muscles in my throat contract, trying to dislodge the mortification choking me. She knows.
“My parents got married here.” She reaches for the door. “It’s my favorite place on the island.”
“I’ll get the door,” I all but bark out.
Her spine straightens and her hand drops to her lap without a word. And that one act alone shows the truth. Shows that things have already changed.
She should be pissed and scowling and calling me out for shutting her out. At least it would be real. At least it would mean she still sees me the same way.
The carved stone arch that leads to Clua’s natural park is wasted on me as I stalk around the front of the car. The same with the flowers that snake around it. They might as well be made of cardboard.She knows.
The click of her heels and soft jazz music as we walk beneath the arch and into the gardens only make the silence between us louder. I should say something. Just fucking say something. My fingers brush the side of her forearm and I turn my hand to catch her hand, but her arm swings out of reach
“You two sure scrub up nice,” Laia squeals as she and Felix walk up to us from the bandstand at the end of the path, smiling,happy.
“You look amazing, Zi.” Laia pulls Kenzi in for a hug.
Kenzi hugs her back, then hands her the baby pink bag with our gifts inside.
“You okay, man?” Felix slaps me on the shoulder, Seren sound asleep in the crook of his arm. “After the ceremony, the ties can come off.” He grimaces and tugs at the collar of his shirt.
“You guys…” Laia opens the box and touches the tips of her fingers to the tiny bracelet, then pulls out the engraved jewelry box Kenzi picked out. “I love them. Thank you.”
Her cheeks are flushed, her green eyes sparkling as she presses her lips together. “I’m so glad you two finally sorted things out. Look how perfect you are together.”
“You look beautiful, Laia. So does Seren.” I smile and stroke my finger down Seren’s silky soft cheek. Go through the motions, aware of only one thing—the weight of Kenzi’s stare—of her pity. I won’t look at her. I can’t.
She knows.
The ceremony goes on around me. I hold the baby. Pass the baby. Agree to watch over her. Kiss cheeks. Shake hands. There, but not there. Moving like I’m underwater, my muscles stretched tight, my nerves even tighter. Kenzi doesn’t leave my side. But she doesn’t touch me either. The smile on her face never quite reaches her eyes.
It falls completely when her mom appears in front of us.
“Mylo.” Ricci shoots me a tight smile, her jaw length hair twisted back at the front, so like her daughter it’s like going forward in time twenty years, seeing the woman Kenzi will come to be.
“Ricci.” I dip my head to kiss her cheek. “Good to see you.”
“You too.” She squeezes my forearm, then turns to Kenzi, “Makenzie? Can I steal you for a second?”
A deep crease between her eyebrows, Kenzi folds her arms and for the first time this morning, her attention isn’t on me. “Sure.”
My hand lifts to—she moves out of my reach to brush her hair from her face before I’m even sure what it was going to do. My fingers curl into my palm. My heart thuds with the same sickly sense of foreboding I had the day Cara dropped my hand. “I’ll leave you to it.”
“I can’t believe you applied for the grant…” Ricci’s soft rebuke almost halts me in my tracks. My jaw tightens with the need to act. Protect. Have her back. My spine straightens, and I turn, gaze meeting Kenzi’s over her mom’s shoulder.
Her slight shake of the head stops me from getting involved. Reminds me that she doesn’t need me—that she quite possibly doesn’t even want me anymore.
I skirt the party. Hover on the outside. Avoid stares and cut conversations short, but I never lose sight of her. Not when she turns and leaves her mom mid-talk, nor when she joins Rae and Laia by the drinks table. She’s stunning. I don’t even remember if I’ve told her that. The silk of her dress kisses the toned curves of her body. Drapes them in champagne. The loose curls of her hair tumble over her shoulders, golden blonde against her tan skin. She’s perfect. The ache that took root in my chest this morning intensifies when she takes little Seren from Laia and settles her on a shoulder.
I don’t know what part of my brain was at work thinking that giving in and being with her was ever going to be fair on her. She deserves more. She deserves everything.
Grabbing a beer from a passing waiter, I lean back against one of the massive trees that flank the flat expanse of garden.
