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Elizabeth was uncertain where to sit in her own home until he patted the cushion next to him. She sat down, curling her feet under her, turning her body toward his.
“Harry is definitely a character, but his work is some of the best I’ve ever seen. I have purchased a great many things from him and send my friends to him as well. He might complain about having to haul his wares to various festivals, but it is all just a front. He does quite well with commissions but would feel as if he were missing out on the fun if he didn’t travel several times a year. He will do a great job on whatever you and Nancy have in mind.”
Elizabeth again wondered what his latest purchase from Harry had been. She was normally not so curious, but the fact that Logan had not shared his purchase gave it a mysterious quality.
“I want him to make at least one of his boxes, like the one I bought, only much larger. I think your mom and dad will appreciate his talent. I imagine it holding one of his paddles and perhaps even a small flogger,” she said, and then blushed. “I admit it feels strange to discuss something so intimate with you, I mean, being their son and all. I don’t think I’ve ever seen parents so open. Even though Nancy’s folks are great about her choices, I just can’t imagine them really discussing any of the specific details.”
Logan smiled and reached over to lay his hand on her knee. She felt an instant rush of desire at his touch.
“My folks have never been ones to pretend to be something they are not. Even growing up as small children, none of us thought it strange or weird to have Mom defer to Dad’s authority. I actually believe it made us better-behaved kids. We knew we couldn’t play them against each other. Dad made the rules and had no problems enforcing them. I know they disagreed on things, but their discussions were always respectful.”
He chuckled and took a sip of his coffee. “As I grew older, I sometimes wondered why Dad would even let her argue, since he always made the final decision. I learned that he appreciated her input and thoughts and that he had no desire for some milquetoast for his wife. She would even win him to her point of view on some things but never by acting angry, snotty or disrespectful. It was always clear they loved each other. I know that also helped mold us kids,” Logan said, his easy tone showing exactly how much he respected and loved his parents.
“Do you think that’s why you became a Dominant?” she asked and was a bit shocked at herself for her bluntness.
“It didn’t hurt,” he said, after thinking a moment. “I believe that to some degree, I’m simply wired that way. I think having grown up lucky enough to witness how deeply two people can truly love and commit totally to each other helped as well.” He paused and chuckled. “Even seeing Mom being sent to her room when Dad thought she needed to be reminded of who ruled the house, had an effect. She might be angry when she stomped up the stairs, but I guarantee, the next time she appeared, it was as if she had a totally different spirit about her. It was amazing to me. We pretended we didn’t hear her being paddled or spanked, but always knew Dad was in there with her, and somehow they always worked it out, with both feeling loved and treasured. I can absolutely guarantee that they had very well-behaved kids for several days if we had so much as an inkling that Mom was being disciplined.”
“I imagine so,” Elizabeth said with a small smile. “You’re lucky, you know. Such devotion to each other had to provide a very safe, loving atmosphere to grow up in.”
“I am and it did. I always had high standards when dating,” he said, and Elizabeth felt he was sharing something he rarely did. “I was never quick to date. It seemed I needed extra time to determine if the girl I was interested in was truly desiring to get to know me as who I really was or was just wanting to say she caught me.” He paused and then gave a bark of laughter. “Well, that sounded like I was quite the arrogant little shit, didn’t it?” he asked.
Elizabeth had to giggle. “Just a little,” she said. “I either pictured you as some iconic high school stud who was only going to date the most beautiful, popular cheerleader, or else see you as a sort of snotty heir to some huge fortune that all women wanted to grab.”
“Okay, I deserved that,” he said. “I didn’t mean it like the way it sounded. I just sort of had the reputation that, whereas we knew many girls who played hard to get, believe me, I was sort of the outcast. I even heard rumors that I must be gay, and those came from both guys and girls, but I didn’t care what anyone thought. I dated rarely but when I did, I truly appreciated each relationship. Does that make any sense at all?”
She smiled and nodded. “I think it means that, even by the time you started dating, you so respected and valued what your parents had that you were simply not going to settle for anything less,” she said.
He smiled and nodded. “Thanks,” he said, “you made it sound so much better than I did, and nowhere nearly as asinine.”
Elizabeth was quiet, thinking how it must have been. She loved her parents but did not remember always thinking they were perfect for each other. She had grown up where there were often several days in a row when the house was tense and silent because her parents were angry with each other. She remembered oscillating between thinking her mother was one of the strongest women she had known, to praying her mother would bend and not attempt to control everyone, including her father.
Logan took his hand from her knee to guide her to shift her position until she was nestled next to him, his arm around her shoulder.
“When did you discover you were born to be a submissive?” he asked, as he gently stroked her arm with his fingers.
Elizabeth tensed for an instant, wondering how much she wanted to reveal.
“You don’t have to answer the question, Elizabeth,” he said, quietly. “If you do, please do not filter your answer. I’d rather you didn’t tell me than to think you are giving me some version you believe I’d prefer. I value honesty in all things.”
She closed her eyes, wondering how he had known her thoughts. She sighed and unconsciously leaned into him a bit more. Logan didn’t speak again, his fingers still moving slowly up and down her arm, his touch relaxing her tension.
“I didn’t know for a while,” she said quietly. “I definitely did not grow up with any sort of role model to lead me in that direction. I think I’ve always been what some people refer to as a ‘pleaser’. I try to avoid confrontation. I suppose all the drama in my household, growing up listening to my folks argue about everything from what take-out to order, to whose turn it was to drive me to some school function, just made me want to calm the waters.” She stopped and took the final sips of her coffee before leaning forward to put her empty mug on the table. She turned back to look at him.
“I need something stronger than coffee,” she said. He stood and took both their mugs to the kitchen while she got some glasses. She asked him to choose the wine and watched as he uncorked it. When they returned to the living room, Logan led her to the single armchair in the room. It was deep and very comfortable. He sat and carefully pulled her down onto his lap as if it were the most natural thing in the world. She looked up and saw his smile. She gave him a soft one in return and then relaxed, laying her head on his chest. He wrapped an arm around her small body as if to reassure her that she was safe. It gave her the courage to share what had happened in grad school with the first person since Nancy.
Logan listened and didn’t interrupt. As she spoke, he knew she had been deeply affected by that day. It was obvious in her voice that she had been very moved by the entire experience with John. She said that she had come alive for the first time as he demanded what he desired from her.
“It was as if he awakened something deep within my soul. I was no longer concerned about my own pleasure,” she said, softly. “In striving to please him, I found my pleasure multiplied ten-fold. I had dated other guys and slept with a few. This was nothing like that. This was something I had never even imagined existed.”
A surge of jealousy rushed through Logan as he wished he’d been the one to share the first truly deep experience between a Dominant and his submissive. He pushed the thought away and gave all his attention to her.
“It went from being the most enlightening experience of my life to the most horrific,” she said, and he felt her tremble. He set down his glass and wrapped his other arm around her, as well, pulling her a bit more firmly against his body. Part of him wanted to tell her she didn’t need to continue but the other part, the Dominant he was knew she truly did if she ever had a hope of defeating the encounter’s hold on her.
“I know now that what happened is so incredibly small compared to things that I’ve learned can happen in the world. I know there are far more traumatic stories, more physically horrible damage. I know it seems foolish and something that I should have been able to simply slough off and laugh about later,” she said, softly. “I know all that, and yet I’m still unable to let it all go. I’ve had different Doms, men I both admire and respect enough to play with. I’ve had lovers and boyfriends and yet they all eventually tell me the same thing: that I can’t let go.” She paused far longer this time.
Logan slipped her glass from her hand and when it was free, entwined his fingers with hers. She looked at their hands and closed her eyes.
“You can’t compare stories about something that so impacted your life, Elizabeth,” he said. “It is not a contest of who hurts the most or who deserves the most comfort. Everyone has a story. The only benefit in sharing them with anyone is learning that very thing and accepting the fact that while you will never forget, you can find the strength to embrace your pain. You can give yourself permission to grieve and then finally,schatzlein, put it behind you forever and live the rest of your life free of its ability to hurt you further,” Logan said softly, his lips moving against the top of her head as he stroked the back of her neck.
