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I shower. I dress. And then as I walk down the hall to the kitchen, the damn answer machine light flashes, taunting me. The flashing is damn near in time with my pounding head. I walk past, grabbing a glass from the cupboard and filling it with water before taking a couple of ibuprofens. I can still see the answer machine light flashing. Thinking that I should at least listen to her stupid excuses, because I’m almost certain it’s my mum, I head back to the hall and press play.
‘You have six new messages.’
The first one clicks off without leaving a message, the next one does the same. The next three are from my mum as I suspected. I go to press delete before the last message can begin, certain it’s my mum again, but I’m not quick enough, and her voice fills the hallway.
“Jamie, please, hunny.” She sniffs down the line. “I just want to talk. To explain. I know you’re angry and upset, but I’m still your mum. I love you.” Her voice breaks on the last words.
I stand there for several minutes as I attempt to sort through my emotions. I’m angry at her for what she’s done to our family. To my dad. I’m equally upset at the loss of our mother-daughter relationship. We’ve always been close, and it hurts, so deep, that it’s now gone. Then more anger at the man who had the audacity to swoop in and steal my mum away from us. Who the fuck is this guy? How has my mum turned her back on my dad for another man? I guess if I want answers to those questions then I’m going to have to go ask her myself.
That’s exactly what I plan to do but not today. I need time to calm down and get my emotions under control. Mum hasn’t told me who this guy she had an affair with is, and I don’t know if Dad knows either. Dad told me it’s over, and they aren’t seeing each other anymore, but it doesn’t change the fact she did it in the first place. That, for me, is so hard to get my head around. After everything that happened with me and Josh, what he and Amber did to me, I just don’t understand how she could do it.
I focus on housework in bid to stop the constant thoughts running rampant in my head. I do the washing, hoovering and dusting, and it works to take my mind of my mum.
I take another shower hoping to clear my mind before making myself dinner and forcing it down. Well, half of it, and every bite sticks in my throat.
When I finally leave the house for work, my thoughts are still a jumbled mess. And I’m angry. At just about everything. I put a lid on it as I near work, tempering it and letting it silently simmer away below.
It begins to boil over again when I get there and discover my locker has been broken into. Luckily, I don’t keep anything of value in there, just spare clothes, shoes and a little extra cash for emergencies. But it’s all still there, so the reason why they broke in, remains a mystery. Maintenance come by to fix the lock, and at the end of my shift, I collect my new key before going home to sleep.
