AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I realise, and not for the first time, that over the last year or so, probably longer if I’m truly honest, I’ve missed having that special someone to share the burdens of life with.
Watching the guys find ‘the one’ and settle down, even Cam and Ryder start their own family, weighs heavily on me. But it’s nowhere near as heavy as the guilt that eats at me daily, the shame that I wasn’t enough, wasn’t there, wasn’t able to help the one person I should and gladly would have given my life for. It’s a ridiculous notion that I could have stopped Sam from dying, but one my brain refuses to allow me to accept. Not only did I fail in my personal life, but I failed to protect my brothers in the army too.
Like Ryder, I struggled with the loss of so many of my brothers, but I have my own personal demons that I battle with daily. Oh, I hide it well. I’ve had to. I don’t have the luxury of allowing them to feast on my dark thoughts and memories for fear they’ll eat me alive. I have a son that needs me. And this is one mission in my life I absolutely refuse to fail at. Everything else, such as finding love again, is not in my future, never has been. But suddenly, I have this vibrant, independent, fierce and beautifully strong woman who has burst into my life and has me feeling things I don’t need or want to ever feel again.
I throw the covers aside because there’s no way I’m going to be able to sleep while my mind keeps replaying images of the blue-eyed vixen, which fate deemed necessary to cross my path, riding my cock last night. My dick isn’t complaining. Thank fuck he’s not in charge. I flip those images until I see her standing with my mum today, and anger at her edging into my personal space, my life, my family has me shoving my feet in my shoes and snatching my coat before slipping out the door.
The almost full moon sits high in the sky casting an ethereal glow over the already dew-covered ground. In the hour I’ve lain awake, mind spinning, the temperature has dropped significantly. I jam my arms in my coat, zipping it up fully as I pace across the campsite on silent feet.
I could try to convince myself I don’t know what I’m doing, but it would be a pointless waste of energy. Slipping through the gate, I stalk towards the copse of woods where Jessica’s cabin sits.
As I reach the path to her door, the snap of a twig off to the left has me turning that way. Scanning between the dark, gnarled trunks of the trees, my eyes narrow, trying to locate who or what is out there.
Not finding the source, I focus back on my mission. Which is…seeming slightly ridiculous now, but nonetheless necessary. I need to be sure she understands that what happened was a mistake and can’t happen again.
There are no lights on in the cabin, which isn’t all that surprising seeing as it’s almost 1am. I step to the side to peek through the window, when suddenly I sense I’m not alone. Spinning on my heels with my hand raised ready to strike, I manage to duck the first swing my attacker makes, only to come up short as they swerve away from my returning jab. The missed jab unbalances me, allowing my attacker to land a hard hit to my ribs that smarts just a little, but I don’t miss with my next strike. Swiping a leg out as they side-step my oncoming hit, they hit the floor with a grunt. I’m on them in a second, hand locked around their throat, when a feminine cry followed by my name shatters the eerie silence of the woods.
“Jessica?” I release the pressure on her neck, pulling the scarf covering the lower half of her face away. “What the fuck are you doing out here?”
“You know what, I could ask you the same fucking question, arsehole. Why the hell are you creeping round my cabin in the middle of the night?” she snaps, knocking away the hand that is still around her neck. “Get the fuck off me,” she grits out as she tries to buck me off.
I get to my feet, putting out a hand to help her up. She eyes it like it’s a venomous snake before brushing it aside and getting to her feet herself.
“Want to explain what you’re doing out here at this time of night?” I demand, ignoring the little voice telling me I have no right to be asking her let alone be angry with her.
“Screw you, Rick. You have no fucking right to demand answers from me when you’re the one sneaking about outside,myhouse. Shouldn’t you be at home with your son?” She unlocks the door, reaching in to turn the light on before stepping inside.
I reach out, snatching her hand and spinning her round to face me. The light from inside now floods the porch, and as my eyes travel her body, they stop on her neck. Red marks mar her beautiful olive skin. Marks the exact size of my fingers, and I wince.
Without thought, I reach out my other hand, running my fingers across the redness on her skin. Her breath hitches, and she leans into my touch as my hand trails to the back of her neck, gripping her hair. I pull her towards me, all rational thought deserting me and leaving an empty space where my brain clearly presided.
My lips are a fraction of an inch away from hers when I feel her tense. The whole atmosphere thickens with tension and not of the sexual kind.
Her hands land on my chest, pushing me back and forcing me to release her.
“Go home, Rick. Last night was a mistake, and one I don’t intend to repeat. I don’t have a reasonable excuse for my behaviour, but I never had you pegged as a cheat,” she whispers, stepping inside and shutting the door.
I’m stunned. And pissed. I came here to tell her to stay the hell away from me and my family, only to fall under her spell again after nearly strangling her. Then she has the fucking cheek to turn the tables on me. As her words sink in further, I finally catch what she said last. A cheat.
The irrational guilt and shame wash through me like a fast-flowing river, flushing away my anger and drowning me in sorrow and regret.
My dreams, when sleep finally comes, are filled with a faceless woman. Walking beside me, playing in the sun with Max, at a church, in my bed, laughter and smiles and cornflower blue eyes that are wild and full of love and fire. They are not the eyes of the woman that once held this place in my life.
I wake with a start, and I know my life is about to be turned upside down.
Thirteen
Jess
“Here,” Eleanor says, holding a takeaway coffee out to me just as I finish yawning for the hundredth time this morning.
I take it, thanking her before taking a tentative sip so as not to burn my lips, but I gladly wrap my hands around it. They are freezing as I stupidly forgot my gloves this morning.
“You’ve been distracted all morning. Do you want to talk about it?”
“Nope. I’m happily remaining ignorant to it just now. But thank you.” Eleanor nods before turning away as another customer demands her attention.
It’s been surprisingly busy considering the chilly temperature. But the sun is shining and is enough to get people out of their houses, particularly for a good cause.
