Page 50 of Redemption


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The next twenty-four hours are going to have me run through the mill emotionally. I’m not sure how I feel about what I suspect happened to Jess. But just as I’m sure she’s terrified of what I’ll be able to tell her about her brother, she needs to know, and I feel the same about her secrets and the demons that live in her mind.

We all have demons that feed off our pain and grief, and we all live with regrets. But how we manage those demons is what determines who we are.

I may not feel deserving of love again or redemption for my failings, but does that mean I’m not worthy?

As I watch Cam and Jess in the courtyard, I’m reminded that life isn’t just black and white, it’s grey. The edges are always blurred and though you should always trust your own judgement, sometimes you need to take a step back. Marcus Aurelius said it best when he asked, ‘what fault of mine most nearly resembles the one I am about to criticize?’ We need to walk in someone else’s shoes, wear a different hat for the day, look at things a little differently. Perspective and interpretation are and always should be objective.

“Cam, Ryder’s waiting at the entrance for you with Max and Jamison.”

I watch as she says goodbye to Jess, hugging her like an old friend, and that tiny part of me that still believes I can have a second chance screams loudly in my mind.

Cam reaches me, an amused smile stretching across her face. “She’s all yours, good luck.” She leans in giving me a hug, and as she pulls back, she says, “She’s hurting just like you, so be gentle, Rick.”

After a few minutes, she picks up her drink and climbs from the bench.

“Time to go,” I tell her as she reaches me.

“No cuffs? I am surprised,” she retorts, walking passed me.

I bite my tongue on what I really want to say and the image of her cuffed to my bed, and instead, lead her to the front entrance where Seb and Jamie are waiting.

“We’ll follow behind,” Seb says as we split up, going to our separate cars.

“What does he mean they’ll follow behind?”

“Exactly that, Jess.”

“You mean they’re coming with us? Wherever the fuck it is we are going.”

I unlock the car, looking at her across the roof as she opens the passenger door. “You’ll find out where we’re going when we get there. As for Seb and Jamie, yes, they’re coming with us because Jamie is a nurse, and in case you forgot, you’ve just been discharged from hospital.” I don’t give her a chance to reply before getting in the car and starting the engine.

“Fucking grand.” I hear her mutter as she climbs in beside me.

Throwing the car into drive, I pull out, turning right into traffic with Seb close behind me.

It’s been an hour since we left London, and as I look back, I spot the same car that’s been following us for the last twenty minutes in the middle lane sitting back just behind Seb and Jamie.

I flick my hazard lights on for a split second, and when I look back in the rear-view mirror, Seb salutes me. To anyone else it just looks as though he’s brushing his hand over his forehead, but this is a signal we’ve used before in similar situations.

We pass a sign for services, and I indicate left, pulling into the middle lane before dropping into the slow lane as the exit ramp comes into view a mile up the motorway.

The car follows, as I knew it would, and Seb quickly slips in behind it. I see Jess eyeing me, then flicking her eyes to the wing mirror on her side. Not getting a good enough view, she turns towards me before twisting her head and body as though reaching for something in the back seat and looking out the back window.

“We’re being followed,” she states, catching on fast.

“We are. Any idea who it might be?” I quiz, as we go up the slip road and onto a roundabout. I take the turn for the services and pull into the car park.

“No, why would I?” she snaps back, offended by my accusatory question.

The car passes us by as I pull into a space, while Jess attempts to get a better look at the driver.

“It’s a woman, but I can’t see properly.”

We watch as Seb passes too, following the car to a space further along the same row. Jess opens the door, and I grab her wrist.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m acting natural. What are you doing?” Releasing her wrist, I let her step from the car and do the same.

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