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“Maybe, maybe not, but my point is you still ask yourself thewhat ifquestions every day, right?”
His eyes bore into me, and I hate that I’ve thrown it back at him, but I know I’m right. And a second later he lets out a sigh and nods in confirmation of my suspicions.
“Besides, I’m already on the same page as you. I know that it wasn’t my fault, that there probably wasn’t anything different I could have done to change the outcome, but it won’t stop the doubts from creeping in from time to time. Even the love of a good woman won’t change that.”
“Agreed.” He’s silent for a moment before asking, “I take it you made a call earlier?” I nod. “And do you think he knows what this is all about?”
“I bet he fucking does, Seb. But whatever he knows, I think it will only be the tip of the iceberg.”
“What are you thinking?”
“I’m thinking that if Jess’ father is involved in this, then there’s a pretty good chance that he’s not the only one that high up.”
“You want me to do some digging on my dad? ‘Cause you know I’d love nothing more than to finally get some solid evidence on that wanker.”
“Do it but keep it subtle. I don’t want to tip anyone off. I think we have enough to deal with at the moment.”
A sly grin spreads across Seb’s face, and I can almost see the internal fist bump.
“I’ll be out in the morning, so keep an eye on Jess.”
Seb gets to his feet. “Sure. Jamie can keep her company,” he says as he heads for the door.
“What’s with those two anyway?”
Seb pauses, turning back to me. “They butted heads a little back at the hospital. Jamie thinks she’s hiding stuff and told her as much. Jamie’s protective, you know that. Don’t worry, I’m sure they’ll work it out and be best of friends.” He shrugs, adding a ‘maybe’ as he walks off.
I sit for a little while longer thinking about everything I’ve learnt in the last few days. I think about the what ifs every day; what if I’d argued harder to not have Kuffs with me; what if I’d never taken the op in the first place, but part of me understands, and believes on some level, that our lives are mapped out for us from the start. There is no way to know that if I’d taken a different path, veered away, the two roads wouldn’t meet and come together again at some point in my life. I’m reminded of the filmSliding Doorsand how a split-second decision or moment in time can change everything. No matter the path I’d have chosen, Sam would still have died giving birth to our son, so does that mean that I would have met Jess? Most likely, yes, just under different circumstances.
My philosophical thoughts at an end, I get up and head back to my room. Sliding into the bed beside Jess, I watch as she frowns in her sleep and wonder what she’s dreaming about. I hope they are happy dreams because the pit of my stomach tells me that we are about to be dropped into a nightmare.
Thirty-Four
Jess
I roll over, stretching out and brushing my hand across where Rick should be, only to be met with cold, crumpled sheets. Raising my head, I look around the room, which is bathed in the softly muted tones of the early morning sun and see that it’s empty.
Dropping my head back down, I stare at the ceiling and watch as a fly darts to and fro before diving towards the slightly ajar window but still fails to find his escape.
I shove the sheets from my body and snatch up Rick’s t-shirt from the floor. I chuck it over my head, inhaling Rick’s scent, and gather the rest of my things before heading to my room.
After a quick shower, I dress and hurry from the room, hoping to catch Rick before he leaves for his meeting. The one he thinks I don’t know about. Admittedly, I don’t know who it’s with, but whoever they are, I know they’re integral to what’s happening.
There’s no one in the main room when I arrive, but I do hear laughter coming from the direction of Seb and Jamie’s room.
After making a cup of tea, I carry it outside and sit at the small bistro table overlooking the lake. The sun is up, casting a beautiful golden hue over the water. There’s a cool breeze blowing over the treetops, rustling the leaves, along with the sound of bird song. It’s peaceful, and I just relax, allowing my mind to wonder.
I think about my father, The Archer, and I still can’t get my head around the idea that he had anything to do with Christian’s death. He’s always been ruthless in his pursuit of political gain, but I just never thought he would sacrifice his own son to get to the top. What kind of man does that? How does he sleep at night?
I get why he did what he did to me. I don’t like or agree with it, but I’m a girl. In his eyes I’m no use to him in his world, unless I marry for his benefit. And that’s exactly what he planned for me.
I have so many questions still unanswered, and I can’t swallow the thought that what happened to Christian, and Rick, was punishment for me pushing back against him.
The other thing that’s been on my mind is, why now? Me looking for answers as to what happened to Christian isn’t new. I’ve spent the last five years searching for them. What’s happened that has set off this chain of events? The more I think about it the more I come to the conclusion that the kidnapping was never about Lottie; it was about me. And that makes my heart break. To think that an innocent life was destroyed, lost, because of something I did.
I let out a little laugh at the irony of my thoughts, and I understand, on a much smaller scale, exactly the burden Rick has been carrying for the past five years.
It’s easier for me to see reason though. Not because I didn’t care for Lottie, I did, but not in the same way that Rick cared for his wife, and even my brother.
