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He dropped his chin to his chest. “You can’t keep from touching them in front of me. It’s just something I have to get used to. Up until now, it’s kind of been you and me. At least, that’s how it felt to me.”
He had been the one I was closest to. The one I felt the most comfortable around. The one I knew I could talk to and wouldn't be judged. Now, things were mixed up and messy, and our roles were all changing.
“I’m sorry.” I didn’t need to ask him again if he was okay with this situation. He knew. He’d known for years what his future looked like, minus Kaden and Niall. Sharing me with Theo was one thing, but two more guys? That was a lot for him.
Niall was right. I needed to take time to consider things from their perspectives.
Sai and I had a close relationship, and now he was on the same level as the other three. That had to be throwing him off. Then seeing me cuddled up to Niall—someone I complained to him about? Yeah, that would be confusing.
“Things are changing faster than I can keep up. Not just the bonding ceremony and moving in together, but I have all these emotions and feelings that seem to have developed overnight, and I’m more confused than ever,” I said.
It felt good to admit that to someone. I’d been trying to act like things were normal, but they weren’t.
Normally, I’d go to Hannah about the guys and my feelings, but that had to change now.
I sighed. “It's impossible to know what feelings are mine and what are the result of the bond.”
He came around the bar and sat next to me. “What feelings?”
Ugh. This would be so much easier if he was in his tiger form, but I couldn’t ask him to shift every time I needed to have a deep conversation. I needed to get used to confessing things to him.
“I feel even more drawn to each of you. I want to be near you, touching you. I . . .” couldn’t believe I was about to say this aloud. “I missed you guys today.”
His lips twitched until a full grin appeared. “I missed you too. I don’t think that’s entirely the bond, but it is probably magically enhanced. We’re connected now. Part of one another. It feels wrong being separated for too long.”
I sighed. “So it’s always going to feel this way?”
He shrugged. “It might even get worse.”
I crinkled my nose. “I don’t want to become some love-sick, codependent wreck.”
“You won’t.” He took my hand. “You’re still you. Stubborn and independent, but we’ve all changed. I don’t just miss you. I miss the guys too.”
“Can I ask you something?” A thought had been tugging at the back of my mind for a while, but I didn’t know how to ask or if it was any of my business.
“Anything.”
“This is a genuine question. You have to remember that I don’t know much about the bonds.”
He nodded, urging me to continue.
“But do you feel more drawn to me?”
His brows creased. “I just said I missed you.”
“No, like––” There was no way to ask discreetly. “Like it feels easier to touch you, and Niall.” And Kaden. “I want to.”
He tilted his head. He wasn’t getting it.
I glanced around, but Kaden was in his room and Niall was up in the loft. Neither of them should be able to hear me, or my thoughts. I hoped.
“I want to be physically closer.”
His eyes narrowed.
Was he doing this on purpose?
I put my other hand on his. “Like this. I want more of this, and there’s the urge in me to want even more.”
