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“You want her.” Ravi stood, blocking his path.
Ryan scoffed. “What? No.”
Ravi gaped at him. “Yes. How did I not see this? You want her bad.”
Ryan stood stock still, not even breathing. Ravi had unearthed his one secret. The thing he didn’t even admit to himself.
“Why don’t you tell her? Do something about it?”
Ryan shook his head. He didn’t even have to consider his friend’s suggestion. No way could he tell Cassie he wanted her. “I’m not screwing this up.”
“Screw it up? How can telling the mother of your child that you want her screw anything up?”
“Spoken like a true married man,” Ryan replied.
Saying whatever you wanted to your wife, your partner, was easy when you were secure in your relationship, when you knew the other person wouldn’t leave. Ryan and Cassie didn’t have that. Cassie didn’t belong to him. She could push him out of her life whenever she wanted.
He met Ravi’s gaze. “How many of our friends never get to see their kids or have to beg for more time with them? I don’t have to do that. I’ve never missed anything. Hell, when we thought Ellie was about to start walking, I slept on Cassie’s couch for a week so I’d be there to see her first steps. I’ve been at every vacation, every Christmas morning, every birthday. Even though we’re not together, we’re a family. I’m not going to mess that up because I’m attracted to Cassie.”
Ravi nodded sagely. “You’re more than attracted to her. You want her, and you love her.” He held up his hand when Ryan opened his mouth to protest. “I’m not saying you’re in love with her, but you’ve never been shy about how much you care about her.”
Ryan swallowed down his denial and nodded. He did love Cassie. He always had. And though he wouldn’t tell Ravi, he was probably at least half in love with her. But she didn’t want him. He’d offered to marry her, and she’d turned him down and asked him to never bring it up again. Could she have made it any clearer that she didn’t want him?
“What are you going to do when Cassie finds someone else?”
Ryan’s gaze snapped to his friend who studied him out of narrowed, too observant eyes. Ravi’s words made him queasy. Cassie couldn’t fall in love with someone else.
“Cassie wants a family, a husband, more kids. Sooner or later, she’ll find someone to give her that. What will you do when her house is his house and he doesn’t want you sleeping on his couch or tagging along on their vacations?”
Ryan shook his head, but the movement didn’t keep Ravi’s words from sinking in and rooting themselves in his head. In his heart. He wanted to believe he and Ellie were enough for Cassie, but hadn’t she asked him just days ago why he pretended they were a family?Fuck.
“Look. I wasn’t going to say anything, but…” Ravi dropped his head and looked down at his hands. Finally, he took a deep breath and again met Ryan’s glare. “The real reason Sophie set Cassie and Levi up is because when she asked Cassie what she wanted for Christmas…”
He hesitated again, looking away and rubbing the back of his neck. Ryan was going to lose his mind in the time it took Ravi to get his thoughts together.
“Spit it out,” he barked.
His friend sighed. “Dude, she said she needed to get laid.”
Get laid? What the fuck?Ryan stumbled back, as if Ravi’s words had actually struck him. Cassie needed to get laid?No.Nope. Uh uh. Cassie didnotneed to get laid. Especially not by Levi Langston who’d already broken her heart. Cassie might think she wanted to get laid, but she’d end up hurt.
“What are you thinking?” Ravi’s words came out as an accusation.
Swallowing, Ryan shook his head. He couldn’t share his thoughts with Ravi. He couldn’t even let himself inspect the plan forming in his mind. He loved Cassie, and he wanted her. He could give her what she wanted for Christmas without her getting hurt. But could he say the same for himself?
* * *
Cassie looked across the table at her blind date. Note to self: tell Ravi to have his wife tested. Only drug-use or insanity could explain this choice. Sophie’s bright idea for getting Cassie laid was Levi.Levi?Cassie should’ve asked for more details before she agreed to the date or arrived late, so she could scope him out and run away. Unfortunately, she’d been sitting at the table like a deer in headlights when the waiter brought him to the table. Too many years of etiquette training kept her rooted in her seat instead of running for the door. And okay, a small part of her wanted to hear how miserable his life had become without her.
In the five years since she’d walked in and spotted Levi’s pale, bare ass as he hammered into his law partner, she’d only seen him twice. Once to give him back his ring and tell him to go to hell. And tonight. He’d changed since the last time she’d seen him. Not just because his eyes had a few extra lines at the corners and held a little less sparkle, but because now she looked at him without the shiny veil of young love.
“So after I made my first million,” he continued in the monologue he’d started minutes before. “I thought about quitting, retiring, but then I was like, why should I? I’m great at what I do. I can’t help it if other people aren’t as good at making money as I am.” He laughed at his own words, but Cassie couldn’t even muster a smile.
He waved a hand, dismissing her lack of interest. “You probably don’t understand. You just hang out at the bookstore.”
Cassie ground her molars, then plastered a smile on her face. “Iownandoperatethe bookstore. I don’thang out.”
Nodding, he narrowed his eyes, as if seeing something he hadn’t noticed before. “But you don’t have to really do anything? I mean, your parents are loaded.”
