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Threading his fingers through hers, he tugged her toward the exit, leading her through a sea of writhing bodies. The hallway outside the club wasn’t much better. The casino seemed to have just as many cruisers flowing out of it as the nightclub.
“Do you want to go to your room?” He offered her a smile that he hoped, but doubted, was reassuring, and continued toward the spiral staircase in the middle of the ship.
Courtney’s steps slowed. “I don’t think that’s a great idea. Maybe we could just . . . you know . . . walk around and stuff. It’s our last night.”
And while he thought maybe she meant on the ship, somehow, he knew her words were more directed at their relationship than this cruise.
He stopped in the middle of the hallway. He couldn’t keep going in circles with her, pretending there wasn’t a giant fucking iceberg looming between them waiting for them to hit it. “What’s going on?” he asked.
She shook her head, trying to pretend she didn’t know what he meant. Before she could open her mouth to deny his question, he continued, “You’ve been off ever since we woke up this morning. It’s like you’re trying to drive a wedge between us. And then, what was that at the club?” He waved his hand in the direction they’d come. “When Macy said things had worked out for us, you didn’t seem too convinced.”
Her cheeks turned almost as red as her dress. The last thing he wanted was to upset her, but he needed to know what was going on between them.
Sighing, she gave him an apologetic shrug. “I’m sorry. You’re right. It’s just . . .” She looked around at the people coming and going around them. Some, like them, were dressed in formal attire and masks, while others were spending their evening more casually. “I guess seeing so many of the people who started this cruise single paired off and assuming we’re the same made me—"
“Are we not the same?”
She opened her mouth as if to answer, then closed it again.
“Courtney. Are we not the same?” he repeated.
“Seth.” She said his name like he should be able to see the obvious truth. But he couldn’t.
When he didn’t say anything, she took a deep breath and continued, “Seth, those couples are planning futures, they’re making plans for long-distance relationships and visits. You and I were never supposed to be anything more than this week.Yousaid that.”
“No. I said it was never supposed to be more than us keeping each other company, but you changed that.”
Her gray eyes widened. “Me?”
He stepped closer. “Yes, you and your drunken kisses and your little wager. You wanted more, so you changed the rules and didn’t bother telling me what they were.”
“There aren’t anyrules.” She threw her hands up, only to let them slap against her thighs a moment later. “You knew I didn’t come on this cruise hoping to find someone to spend my life with. Neither of us did.”
Except he thought maybe he’d found that person anyway, and a part of him had thought she felt the same way.
“Does that mean things can’t change? Do you just make a decree that you won’t find someone and BOOM, you never fall in love again?”
When she shrugged, her breasts shifted, drawing his attention. Her body should be the least of his worries right now, but his brain seemed to be the only part of him thinking that.
“That’s not why I’m here, Seth. I already found that person, and he died.”
“So, what? You never get to spend your life with anyone else? Jesus, Courtney you didn’t die with him.”
She flinched at his words, but he wouldn’t take them back. She was thirty-three years old, with her entire life ahead of her. If she couldn’t see that, he’d damn sure show her.
Tears glimmered in her eyes. “I understand that, Seth. But I hardly think I’m at a point where I want to make that commitment again, especially with someone like you.”
Whoa. What the fuck? Had she just said especially with someone like him? What the hell was wrong with him?
“So, I’m good enough to fuck on this ship, but not good enough to date after we get off?”
Her mouth dropped open, but she didn’t refute his claim.
“Wow . . . Wow.” He couldn’t think of anything else to say. Over the past few days, he’d enjoyed getting to know Courtney. Even more than the incredible sex they’d had, he’d enjoyed spending time with her. He could picture himself growing old with her, but she just saw him as a vacation fling. A man not worthy of even dating her. Fuck that.
“Seth,” she started, but he was having none of it.
“You know what, don’t. I don’t need to hear your reasons for why you can’t at least give me a chance. I don’t need to hear them because I already know. You can’t give me a chance because you’re scared. You’re scared of what you might feel with me, or more accurately of what you already feel with me. You might do a lot of things well, but faking isn’t one of them, baby. You can tell yourself I’m not good enough for you or that you’ll never get over your husband, but that’s bullshit.
