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“You’re afraid. You’re afraid that I’m perfect for you. You’re afraid you were over him the minute you were under me. If you want to sit around and turn into some sad old woman traveling the Caribbean on singles cruises alone, go right the fuck ahead. But one day you’re going to look back and realize that this,” he motioned between them, “this could have been something fucking awesome and you were just too scared to go for it.”
He turned to walk away but stopped and turned back to her. She looked so small and frail standing in the middle of the hall with tears shimmering in her eyes and her face red.
“If your husband were still here, I’d kick his ass. I’ve heard the stories,Corey, I’ve heard the wanderlust in your voice. You used to be fearless and now . . .” What did he say? He could still sense that fucking tiger lurking under her surface.
“Now what?” she demanded in a voice garbled with unshed tears.
He lifted a shoulder then let it fall. “Now you’ve let the fear win. It’s a damn shame.” This time when he walked away, he didn’t turn back. Courtney could do whatever she wanted. If she’d decided he didn’t have a place in her life after this cruise ended, she could start working on that life right now.
* * *
Courtney couldn’t move. She just stood motionless, watching Seth disappear into the crowd of happy cruisers.
“Come on. Come on.” Bony hands wrapped around her biceps, ushering her into the elevator. “In front of God and everybody is no place to fall apart. Don’t worry, Trudy’s got you.”
Courtney looked down into a pair of old, too understanding eyes and her vision blurred. “Did you…did you hear all that?”
Trudy pressed the button for Courtney’s floor, then patted her hand. “I heard enough.”
Courtney tried to blink back her tears. “He didn’t even let me explain. He—"
“And what would you have said?” The older woman’s voice was sterner than Courtney had ever heard it. Gone was the fun and flirty cougar she’d seen around the ship. “The man wants a chance to court you and you shut him down.”
Court her? What kind of nonsense was that?
“He was talking crazy. He wants us to see each other after the cruise ends. That’s impossible.”
Trudy pinned her with a narrowed gaze. Courtney didn’t know if the older woman had children, but damn if she hadn’t perfected the mom look.
“Why is that impossible? Do you know how many people on this cruise from different towns and religions and backgrounds meet and fall in love and make it work? Nothing is impossible when you want it and when it’s worth it.”
The elevator stopped at Courtney’s floor and the doors slid opened. She stepped out, hoping it meant the end of this conversation. No luck. Trudy followed right behind her.
“I don’t disagree with you,” Courtney told her without turning around. “It’s just that I don’t think this is worth it.”
The lie ate at her heart. Seth was worth it. She knew that, but she couldn’t risk her heart. Not again.
“You don’t believe that.” Trudy trudged after her. “I see the way you light up when that boy’s with you. I’ve seen the change in you this week.”
Courtney shook her head against the older woman’s words. It didn’t matter if Seth made her happy. No amount of happiness would be worth the pain she’d face when she lost him.
“What are you so afraid of?” Trudy challenged.
Courtney stopped, spinning around to face the old busybody. “I’m not afraid,” she yelled. Part of her hoped the whole damn ship heard it. Maybe then people would stop accusing her of being too afraid to live.
Trudy stared back at her. “Liar.”
Courtney could’ve sworn her vision turned red. How dare this old woman accuse her of, of… Of being the coward she was. Turning, Courtney took the last few steps to her room, scanned her bracelet, and walked in. No surprise, Trudy was right on her heels.
“He’s a fireman,” Courtney whispered when the door closed. “Not just any fireman. He fights the worst. He jumps into the flames. He has to fight his way out.” Emotion clogged her throat and tears filled her eyes. “One day he’ll probably die doing that. How can I be with a man that does that? What if I lose him?”
Trudy put a bony arm around Courtney and pulled her close. “If you don’t give him a chance, then you’ve lost him anyway.”
Courtney scrubbed her hands over her face. “But this will hurt less. If I stay with him, if I give him a chance, I’ll fall in love with him.”
Trudy shook her head. “Oh, honey I believe that ship has sailed.”
Courtney jerked back as her own words, used so many times to explain why she couldn’t love again, were thrown back at her.
