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With everything that’s been going on these past few days, it’s reminded me of something: you can’t beat just a regular old night out, sitting in a bar, having a drink and talking. No gimmicks, no way to get myself in trouble, nothing to be bad at. Simply a normal night out with friends.
Well, I say normal, but there’s nothing normal about this situation, and calling this lot my friends may not be exactly the right term, given that I didn’t even know them over a week ago, but it feels like it’s been so much longer. From Sconegate to our speed dates – not to mention our brief love square kind of thing – it feels like we’ve been through so much together.
This evening we’re at the opening of the Candy Club, a new bar in town. Everywhere I’ve been this month – and I mean everywhere, even the dentist – has been thoroughly festive. From the decorations to the Christmas cheer, it’s been all around me. Until tonight, that is.
With this being the Candy Club’s opening night, keen to establish their theme, there isn’t so much as a bauble or a glass of mulled wine in sight. It’s actually quite nice, not because I don’t love Christmas, I absolutely adore it, but I think it’s more to do with the festive state of mind. At Christmas, everything is sparkly, everyone is cheery. There’s presents, delicious things to eat and drink that you only really get at this time of year, and (okay, admittedly this year I personally am not exactly vibing with it, but) there’s so much to do, so many events, time to spend with family and friends, everyone getting together to have a wonderful time… but we all know that Christmas is a temporary state. After Christmas Day, and that weird no man’s week in the run-up to New Year’s Eve, January suddenly hits and that’s that. The decorations come down. The picture-perfect weather that you want to see around the big day is suddenly a cold, slushy inconvenience. Family members go home, we all go back to work, and that’s it. It’s over.
I suppose I feel a little strange this year because the Christmas period represents more to me than a week off from real life. On the one hand, it isn’t only my Christmas decorations that will be gone from my house come January, all my house guests will go with it, and my home will be mine again, quiet, calm and free from people I don’t enjoy spending time with. Of course, on the other hand, the time I’m spending with Rocco is temporary too. These events are just for the holidays. Our relationship, for lack of a clearer term for it, is just for Christmas. When it’s all over, and life goes back to normal, Rocco will be gone too. It will be like none of this ever happened so, needless to say, I have very mixed emotions at the moment.
I did wonder, on my way here, whether or not I was being a bit of a dick, not spending much time with my family over the holidays, but being at home at the moment is just too much. I wouldn’t usually be spending Christmas with my dad at all, so I don’t feel guilty about not being around him and Gail, and Declan took off before last Christmas, so I don’t think anyone (other than him, the deluded moron) has any expectations of me spending time with him. That just leaves my mum and Jess, and Mum seems to be spending all her time with Dad (which I’m still majorly unhappy with) and Jess is spending all her time with Kenny, so it’s not like either of them is sitting around waiting for me, but Mum is only going to be living down the road, and it doesn’t sound like Jess is going to be going anywhere – not until she figures out her next move – so it’s not like I can’t spend time with them in the new year.
I suppose I just feel a bit bad this evening specifically because Dad and Gail were going out to visit Gail’s family members, and it seemed like Mum and Jess were both actually home. But Declan was still there, and avoiding him is still a top priority – he actually invited me out for a drink with him this evening, he must be crazy – and if I had stayed home, it would have been a missed opportunity to spend time with Rocco and… wow, my head is a mess.
So I’m glad to be here, at the Candy Club, a festive-free zone, with Rocco – the person who seems to be dominating my thoughts at the moment – and our new friends, Leila and Tobias.
The Candy Club has a fairground theme and they’ve really gone all out with it. The bar itself is inside what looks like a carousel at the back of the room, the rest of which is divided into different zones, each representing different rides. This evening we’re sitting in the waltzer section, which looks exactly as you would expect it to, with booths made to look like waltzer cars.
‘These are pretty cute,’ Leila says, brandishing a hot pink Candy Club-branded poker chip. We all got one, on the way in, entitling us to one free drink. Leila hasn’t cashed hers yet. ‘I’m trying to work out if I’d rather have the free drink or keep this as a souvenir.’
‘The free drink every time, surely?’ Tobias replies.
‘I don’t know, I think I’ll hang onto it,’ Leila says. ‘Do you think you can only cash it tonight, or do you reckon I can turn up weeks later and trade it for a drink?’
‘What, like in an emergency?’ Tobias asks.
‘It’s hard to imagine an emergency where you need a toffee apple martini, stat,’ Rocco jokes.
I pick up my glass and hand it to him.
‘Try it and tell me it’s not the best drink you’ve ever had,’ I insist.
He looks at me for a second. God, it feels good, when his eyes are on you. There’s something about being seen by him that I really like.
Rocco does as he’s told, raising my glass to his lips before taking a sip. His eyes almost roll into the back of his head.
‘Okay, fair enough,’ he says through a grin. ‘That’s probably the nicest cocktail I’ve ever had.’
‘Well, how about I buy a round of them?’ I suggest. ‘What do you say?’
I’m in such a good mood this evening. I can’t hide it. As messy as things are, and as up in the air as relationships seem, the thought of going for dinner tomorrow night, just me and Rocco, is a thought that is keeping me going. I’m focusing on that, wondering what he’s got planned, where we might be going. He’s keeping pretty tight-lipped about it, which is exciting.
‘Do you need a hand?’ Rocco asks, once everyone accepts my offer.
‘No, no, you stay there,’ I insist. ‘I’ll be back in a minute.’
I’m going to nip to the loos too, while I’m up, and I’d rather Rocco wasn’t waiting outside for me. I don’t know why, it just doesn’t feel cool or sexy, to use the loo – yes, I realise how ridiculous that sounds, and yes, I am overthinking everything now. I’m just so looking forward to tomorrow night and I don’t want to ruin it. Obviously I don’t think Rocco will run scared, if he realises I have a bladder like all the other girls, but I am constantly embarrassing myself, so there’s that.
This place really is like a fairground, not just because they’ve worked really hard to make it look that way, but because the décor and the layout – along with the size of the place – gives it that sort of chaotic, maze-like vibe you often find at fairgrounds and theme parks. The bar is an easy spot, given that it’s so big, and in the middle, covered in large colourful lightbulbs, but I have no idea where the toilets are, so I catch the attention of one of the jugglers before asking him. He kindly points them out to me.
I smile to myself as I make my way through the funhouse section, past the large painting of a clown, past the large slide that leads down into a ball pool – which cannot possibly be a sensible thing for drunk people to have access to. I’m just so (admittedly briefly, at the moment) happy to be here tonight. Away from home, away from…
‘Declan!’
‘Billie, hello,’ he says brightly. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘What areyoudoing here?’ I ask him.
Declan places a hand on my back and ushers me to one side. I move with him, eager to stay in the fun house section because it’s where my friends aren’t. If there’s one thing I don’t need right now – one thing that could ruin everything – it’s having to introduce Rocco to my ex. I can’t think of anything worse.
