AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Not before?”
Her cheeks turn crimson, but she doesn’t try to hide it. “I make no assumptions.” I narrow my eyes in question. “About you or me or us.”
I nod. “Neither do I.”
“And…” Her hands fidget in mine. “With you, things lean that way.” I tilt my head and beg her to elaborate. To shape her thoughts into words. “They feel… right.”
I free her hands and bring mine to her cheeks. Before she gets another word in, I pull her to me and press my lips to hers. Kiss her gentle and slow. When a moan spills from her lips and down my throat, I deepen the kiss. Wrap my arm around her waist and drag her onto my lap. Fist the hair at the nape of her neck and hug her body flush to mine.
The kiss lasts forever and not long enough before I break it. Before both of us gasp for air.
It is in this moment that realization hits. This very blip in time that I finally believe. In paths and fate. That everything happens for a reason. The struggles of our past align us for the beauty of our future.
Kelsey may have been my first love. The teenage girl I pictured with me for eternity. Although she broke my heart, although she threw my life into a tornado, I wouldn’t be in this very moment if none of it happened. I wouldn’t have Shelly or this constant swell beneath my sternum. I wouldn’t appreciate and reciprocate the emotion spilling from my heart without first experiencing the cracks and aches.
If I bump into Kelsey one day, I will thank her. If it weren’t for her need for freedom, I wouldn’t have stumbled upon the woman in my arms. If it weren’t for her selfishness, I wouldn’t have fallen in love. Real love.
Yep, I said it. In love. Although, I may just keep that to myself a little longer.
NINETEEN
SHELLY
Lights twinkle from every direction.Red and green, blue and white. Rainbows and blinking and solid strands. Some wrapped around tree trunks and limbs. Others clinging to bushes and rooflines. Animals on lawns with robotic animation. Blow up snow people—because actual snow doesn’t happen here—and cartoon characters on the grass and rooftops.
Each year, the amount of holiday decorations people add to their homes is mind blowing. Every Christmas, I ooh and ahh over the displays. Drive slowly down my parents’ street to glimpse each setup. Note the new additions from the previous year. Hem and haw over my inability to put up exterior lights, with the exception of my small porch. Complain how I wish I had a blow-up reindeer or Santa to put outside.
I love Christmas. Well, I love all holidays. They all have their own kind of magic. Christmas just happens to be the one I go the most bonkers over.
But this year is a bit different.
This year, the lights twinkle brighter. Candy canes have a little more zip in the peppermint. Balsam firs smell fresher and more piney than any previous year. And the slight chill in the air puts a smile on my face.
During the holidays, I add a minimal amount of decorations to my tiny apartment. A small artificial evergreen. Citrus and clove-scented candles as well as balsam fir. Strands of white fairy lights. Garland made of evergreens and cranberries. An evergreen wreath on the door with blue thistle, white berries, eucalyptus, holly berries, and lightly wrapped gray ribbon. Festive bouquets on the coffee and dining tables as well as the kitchen and bathroom counter. Festive towels hanging from the oven door.
If I had the space, my home would be a holiday mecca.
Every year, I purchase gifts weeks before the holiday. Lug the bin out from under my bed and riffle through rolls of festive paper and ribbons and bows. Play cheery Yuletide music and sip hot cocoa as I write jolly messages in cards. Decorate the tree and light candles.
For years, this has been my ritual. Not down to an exact science, but pretty damn close. This year, everything changed.
A month ago, things with Devlyn went haywire. Out of nowhere, I kissed him and he kissed me back. Then, he panicked and disappeared for two weeks… until I sent a text that scared him more. The night he paced outside my apartment, I had no expectations of what would happen when I opened the door. I definitely didn’t expect our relationship to manifest into what it is now.
Devlyn has shifted himself out of the friend category and sits firmly in the boyfriend category. And over the last few weeks, we have been solidifying that new status. Spending every free moment together. Kissing… constantly. And losing track of time.
Which is why, two days ago, I was frantic. One of those berserk people in Target searching empty shelves for the perfect gift. I scored a few small gifts but caved and bought gift cards for the rest. Gift cards are not my style. They feel so impersonal. But I’d rather give a gift card than nothing at all.
“Hallelujah,” I whisper as I park next to Peyton’s car in my parents’ driveway.
I love my parents. Really, I do. From time to time, though, Mom gets a little pushy. Not in the way Devlyn described his mother. Mom has a big heart and means well, she just gets a bit overwhelming here and there. The only thing Nicole Reed wants is for her children to have a happy life. Unfortunately, her version of a happy life includes the perfect spouse, the perfect house, and babies.
I have none of the above.
With the newness of my and Devlyn’s relationship, I don’t assume to have any of the three in the near future. At this point in the game, I go with the flow. Marriage and picket fences and offspring don’t necessarily equal a happy life. Happiness comes from a deeper place. One I have barely started to discover but am eager to explore.
From the moment I witnessed it on screen and read it in romance novels, there has only been one thing that matters when it comes to the future. Love. Deep, hungry,I can’t go a day without seeing youlove. One that steals the air from your lungs, whisks you off your feet and has your heart banging out of your chest.
Above everything else, I want that type of love. If the other things follow in love’s wake, so be it. But without love, the other three don’t matter.
