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“No, you’re not.”
I stare back at him, because what could I even say to that?
Yeah, duh. Of course, I’m not okay.
“I will be.”
I hope.
He pulls me into his arms and I almost break. Time to reinforce every wall I have. He’s always been the person most capable of shattering them. I hear his phone vibrate several times before he plunges his hand in his pocket and silences it.
“You need to answer that?”
“Nope. Right now, all I need to do is be here with you.”
My heart flips. For a second, I get the tiniest rush of those feelings. The ones that felt new and scary and exciting. And then something switches inside me.Sorry. Password rejected. Please try again later.
He holds me for a long time—until I’m pretty much squirming to get out of his hold.
I need to be alone.
He finally lets me go, but he brings one hand to my cheek. “I don’t know everything that’s going on in your head right now, but just know I’m here. Whenever you’re ready. I don’t care what time. Call me. Text me. I’m here for you, Beautiful. Always.”
I nod. And swoon the tiniest bit. Those feelings are still there. And they’re trying to find their way out.
“Thanks, Ace. Right now, I want a hot shower and some sleep, okay?”
He kisses my head and steps back. “Relax and rest. And—”
“I know your number if I need you.” I smirk, and it’s mostly genuine.
Well, that’s something.
“All right. Have a good night.”
“Night, Ace.”
I watch him head down the deck stairs and then make my way inside. Once the window is locked behind me, I let out a sigh of relief. I grab some fresh comfy clothes and head for the bathroom, the weight of everything hitting me yet again.
When I get there, I lean against the door, relishing in finally being alone. I don’t mind crying in front of other people. Obviously. It’s who I am. I cry a lot. No shame there. But when it comes to feeling like this, to unraveling like this, I need to deal with it on my own. I don’t like other people to see this part of me.
After making sure the door is locked, I turn the water on, nice and hot. Scald my skin. I don’t care. Maybe it’ll help wash the feeling away.
But as I step into the shower and push through the pain of the hot water, I know nothing will wash the feeling away. The memories replay, the emotions coming stronger until I’m sitting in the tub, steam surrounding me, crying hysterically.
After twenty-five minutes of snot-bubbles-coming-out-of-my-nose crying, I finally calm myself down and climb out of the shower. I splash some cold water on my face and put on some moisturizer. Nothing to see here. Everything is normal.
When I get back into my room, I collapse on my bed. I reach for my phone, then pull my hand back. Part of me wants to call Aaron. I want to ask him to come over and let every single thing inside of me pour out. Everything to do with being assaulted. Everything to do with him. All of it. But it’s also overwhelming. It feels like too much.
Instead, I put some soft music on and breathe deeply until I fall asleep.
Aaron’s tongue glides across my bottom lip and then slowly into my mouth.
There’s nothing hard or aggressive about it. It’s gentle, tender. His hand cups the back of my head as I feel the weight of his body over mine.
This feels so good.
We’re alone on the hood of his truck again, but this time it’s dark. No one is around. His tongue delves further into my mouth, exploring like he owns the place.
