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I squeeze my knees into my chest and close my eyes for a moment. Then I let my hands fall to the side and my feet collapse down as I let out a deep breath.
Is this what it’s like to feel human again?
Aaron
I didn’t want to leave her alone again, not after last night. But I didn’t want to be weird about it, either. She seems a little better this morning. I was truly shocked when she called me to come over. But what surprised me more was what I saw in her eyes when I went over there—it was the reason I kissed her back. It would be easy to say she was hurting and looking for comfort, but I know that’s not all it was. I saw the flicker of what we used to be. What we were heading toward before that night changed it all.
I’m not going to jump in and try to make something happen between us. That’s not what today is about. Today I want to pull her out of her head, cheer her up, and hopefully, help her move forward a bit.
I hear the back door shut and make my way down the stairs. My eyes lift as the heat of her gaze lands on me.Shit. She’s legitimately eye-fucking me right now.That’smy girl.
But it doesn’t change the fact that last night she was a wreck, and nothing could have changed enough for her to truly be okay today. We still need to talk. That doesn’t stop me from letting my eyes roll over her body. She’s fucking gorgeous. She’s wearing a vibrant aqua T-shirt with the word “love” emblazoned on it in bright colors. Her chestnut waves are combed out and smoother than they were a few minutes ago. She’s put on lip gloss and mascara. But I’m drawn to her frayed denim shorts. They fit her perfectly, hugging in all the right spots. She always looks so damn sexy in them. But the best thing about the look is her smile.
“You look better already,” I breathe. Before I know what’s happening, I have her in my arms and I’m pressing my lips into hers.
Dumbass, what the hell are you doing?
Keeping my lips closed, I hold it for a second longer, then pull away, doing my best to exude confidence. I don’t want her to think I regretted it. I’ll never regret kissing her, but I also do not want to push her or hurt her in any way.
I don’t give her a chance to respond. Instead, I take her hand in mine and say, “Let’s go.”
She blushes slightly and smiles, allowing me to pull her out the door as I desperately try to calm my pounding heart. That fucking connection between us is nearly impossible to fight. Ever since we both opened ourselves up to it, it’s become undeniable. Well, up until the party. Since then, she’s been so closed off I haven’t felt anything.
Until today.
Shake it off.
I swing her arm boisterously as we walk toward the center of town. This makes her laugh. The sound is perfection—and something I’ve missed over the last few weeks.
Still, I know if I want this day to truly be fun, we have to talk first. I lead her toward the playground we always played at as kids.
“I’ve missed that,” I say, stopping at the gate.
“Hmm?”
“That laugh. Come here.” I lead her over to a bench near a jungle gym. “We need to talk.”
She gives me a fake pout. “Are you breaking up with me?”
I squint at her and flick her arm. “I’m being serious, here.”
“I thought you wanted me to have fun,” she says, wiggling her eyebrows, a massive change from last night.
The thought of how broken she looked causes emotion to swell inside me. I run my hand over my hair, trying to push down the emotion.
She looks up at me, eyes finally growing serious. “What… Aaron? Jeez, you’re scaring me.”
“And you scared me. What happened at the party and how you’ve been the last few weeks. I was happy to come over this morning, I always am, but I was so worried I was going to find you…” I stop, shifting slightly on the bench. “I don’t know…”
Her eyes widen in horror and she chokes out, “Do you think I’m, like, suicidal or something?”
“No,” I answer quickly. ButJesus.The thought of that makes me want to vomit. Losing her would be… unsurvivable. “I’ve never been worried about suicide with you, Rae. But I wasn’t sure if I was going to find you sobbing uncontrollably or catatonic.” I let out a sigh. “You are normally happy, bold, funny, and sarcastic. You give us hell and don’t take our shit but love us fiercely. You’re warm and so full of life. But lately you’ve been empty, dark, withdrawn, and broken. And I get why, but you won’t talk to any of us about it, and that’s scaring me. I want you to have a fun day today, and I’m going to do everything in my power to make that happen, but we need to talk first. Please, Rae, talk to me.” My voice is close to breaking as I say those words. I can’t fix this. Can’t make it okay. But I need to know that she’s at least on the path to being okay. I squeeze her hand tightly, my eyes pleading.
Tears stream down her cheeks as the walls she’s had up crumble down. “He could’ve raped me. And that’s hard to say.” I wrap an arm around her, inching closer. “I thought if I focused on the fact that it wasn’t worse and let myself feel whatever emotions I needed to, that I would be okay. But I’m not. I’m really not. And I don’t know why. I wasn’t actually raped—”
“But you could’ve been if we’d been a minute later. And you need to—” I pause, choking up. I hate what happened to her. If it had been worse? I don’t know what I would have done. “You need to admit that to yourself.”
She nods, tears flowing freely.
