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“Incredibly,” I say.
“Then my advice is to tell them. If you do, don’t focus on their reaction. It’s not yours to take on. Instead, focus on the support they give you. Instead of looking at it like you’re telling them something that could hurt them, try to see it as telling them something that’s weighing on you because you need their support. I think once you allow yourself to accept the support, you’ll feel better. You’ll also feel better not keeping it a secret anymore. But that’s just my advice. Take it with a pinch of salt.”
“Thank you,” I mumble. I’ve had tears rolling down my cheeks the whole time. She’s right. I need my parents. I need to let them in. “I appreciate the advice. And what you’re doing here… it makes a huge difference.”
She smiles at me. “We never imagined how much of a difference it would make, and some days, we’re still surprised.” She runs a hand down my arm. “When we get new people in here, especially younger ones like you, it reminds us why we keep it going. I hope you’ll consider joining us again in the future. Take care of yourself and be gentle with yourself. You’ll get through it.”
I nod and thank her again, then look between Sarah and Mackie. “Let’s go home.” That sentence is loaded, because I know what I need to do and so do they.
I’m still sniffling when we get to the house.
“Do you want me to come in?” Mackie asks.
I shake my head, then look at Sarah. We both know it’s better that we do this alone. “No. It’s okay.”
She hugs me tightly. “I love you. You’ve got this.”
I nod and she exchanges a hug with Sarah, whispering something to her that I can’t hear. Then Sarah nods and Mackie heads home.
Sarah turns to me and takes my hand. “Ready?”
“Nope, but it’s time, anyway.”
We walk inside and Mom and Dad are still sitting on the couch together, but now they’re drinking tea and talking.
Mom stops midsentence when she sees me. She sits up straight. “Honey, what’s wrong?”
I look at Sarah. And then I absolutely lose it.
Concerned, my parents jump up and come over to us. They drag me to the couch and sit me down. Sarah sits down on one side of me, Mom sits down on the other, and Dad sits down on the coffee table in front of me.
“I have to tell you something,” I mutter out. I clutch Sarah’s hand and take a steadying breath. It doesn’t really steady me, but I push forward, anyway.
I tell them everything, let it all flow out, crying as I go, some of the weight I’ve felt falling away. I remember when Sarah cut off Vanessa, she said it felt like the elephant finally climbed off her chest. That’s how I feel now.
I manage to collect myself toward the end of the story.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. It was too hard. But I realize now that keeping this in was only hurting me. Other than the support group tonight and going to Hope and Healing the other day, I haven’t talked about it to anyone except the five of them. And even then, it’s hard. Like it’s hard seeing the pain in your eyes now. That’s why I couldn’t…” I say quietly.
Mom wraps me in her arms. “We understand. I’m glad you’re safe. I’m glad you told us. We’re always here for you.”
I nod and then turn to look at Dad for the first time. He presses back the tears in his eyes and leans over and kisses my forehead. “I love you, honey.”
“I love you too, Daddy.”
We sit quietly for a minute and then we talk about where to go from here. I explain that I’d like to start by going to the support group and see how that helps first, which Mom and Dad agree to, though Mom says she’s coming with me to the next one. I don’t argue.
Before Sarah and I go upstairs, I let out a long sigh and give them each a hug.
When we get upstairs, I stop outside my bedroom and Sarah pulls me into her arms. “You did amazing. I’m proud of you.” She pulls back and takes me in. “How do you feel?”
“Like the elephant’s gone,” I say with half a smile.
She smiles back at me and squeezes my hand. “I’ll text Mackie, okay?”
I nod and swing open the door to my room. Tears well in my eyes again as I stare at my bed, watching as Aaron stands up.
“Hey, Beautiful.”
