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“How does the surgery work?” my father asks.
“They’ll re-break the bones and set them correctly…”
He keeps talking, but I can’t make it out.
“So, I won’t be able to play baseball?”
The doctor’s eyes shift from my parents to me. “Your season starts soon?”
I nod. “Beginning of April.”
“Well, that’ll likely depend on your current functionality. Orthopedic surgeons tend to have a long waitlist. You likely won’t be in to see him for several months. In the meantime, I can refer you to an outpatient physical therapist who may be able to help you with mobility.”
Holy shit. I fucked up my hand that badly? But also… maybe it can be fixed.
It scares the hell out of me, but for the first time, it also gives me hope.
Rae
I’m lying in bed, reading one of my favorite books, when there’s a knock on the door.
“Yeah?”
Mom pushes it open and walks in, holding two cups of hot cocoa, each with a mound of whipped cream on top. Sarah walks in behind her with her own mug.
I set my book to the side and gesture for them to sit down. They get comfy on the bed on either side of me. For a few minutes, no one says anything as we sip hot cocoa in silence.
“How are you feeling?” Mom asks, gently bumping her leg against mine.
“I don’t know.” I take a lick of the whipped cream and sigh. “I feel better now that I finally told you guys. Going to the support group and volunteering for Hope and Healing feels right. But hearing the detective say that there wasn’t anything they could do… that it would be our word against his? That felt awful. How sexually assaulted do you have to be for it to actually count?”
Sarah slides her hand on top of mine and gives it a soft squeeze.
“I’m mad, too,” Mom says. “It’s not fair. None of it is fair. It’s not fair that it happened to you. It’s not fair that they aren’t doing anything about it. It’s not fair that he gets away with it. It pisses me off.” She sighs. “But it’s not the first time I’ve ever felt this way. Something similar happened to one of my best friends in college. I was pregnant with you at the time and had been blissfully unaware of how scary things can be for women. I guess some part of me hoped it had gotten better, but it hasn’t. I hate that this happened to you, baby.” She wraps an arm around me and kisses my head. “I wish I could’ve protected you from it.”
“You couldn’t have.” I glance between Mom and Sarah. “This whole thing has sucked, but I don’t want to be bitter about it. I’ve spent enough time closed off and hurting. I’ve talked it through, I’m going to keep going to the support group. I’ve done everything I could have done. It’s time to find my way forward now. I’m done living in this space.”
“Good,” Sarah says, resting her head on my shoulder. “I’ve missed you. I understand why it was hard for you, but I like seeing you smile again.”
I laugh a little. “Aaron said that before, too.”
Mom clears her throat and eyes me suspiciously. “Speaking of Aaron, what’s going on there?”
I inhale deeply while shaking my head. I take another gulp of my hot cocoa before answering. “I really don’t know. I’m just in for the ride at this point. I guess we’ll see.”
“But you love him?” Mom asks.
I stare at my hot cocoa for a minute. “Yeah,” I whisper, “I do.”
Mom smiles warmly. “I think it will all work out.”
There’s a knock on the window and then it slides open. And who climbs in?
Aaron.
Hmm. His ears must’ve been ringing. Sarah smirks and elbows me in the ribs. I turn and flare my eyes at her and smack her arm.
“Hey…” Aaron says, uncertain. “I can come back—”
