AllFreeNovel
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I feel hungover.
I think I am. But not physically. Emotionally.
Her asking me to lay with her last night was pure emotion. What I realized after?
My mind is racing, but I don’t have time to think about it. I’m meeting Jamie this morning for an early practice before he has school.
I take a deep breath and try my best to put all the stuff about Rae and me in a box. It’s time to focus on baseball. Just baseball.
Yeah, right.
Jamie lands another pitch in my waiting glove. There’s something off about his throws. He’s still pitching great, but there is a small difference and when you’re aiming for the pros, the tiniest things make or break you. I stand up and pull the mask off my face. I have no idea how Miles played this position for so many years. My quads are already burning. I usually don’t observe from the catching position, but I’m trying to catch the problem. I have a feeling I found it… it’s something in his head.
“All right. I wanna watch a few more pitches—”
He shakes his head. “I’m not throwing shit until you talk to me.” I blink at him, and he smirks at me. “Yeah, don’t try coming up with an excuse. What’s up? Something happen with you and Rae?”
I pull the ball cap off my head and run a hand through my hair. Then I smirk back at him.
“I’ll talk to you about it as soon as you tell me what’s botheringyou. Your pitches are slightly off. I’m guessing it’s because you’re off.”
He stares me down for a moment before conceding. He motions to a nearby bench and we both sit. Before he starts speaking, he leans forward, elbows on his knees, and rubs his hands together, letting his head drop.
“I’m nervous,” he admits quietly.
“About what?”
He chuckles wryly. “Everything. I’m going into my senior year and I have a ridiculous amount of D1 scouts interested in me. Hell, I have professional teams interested. It’s a lot of pressure. And in this town?Everyoneknows. That’s enough on its own, but I want this, Aaron. I want this so badly. I’m terrified I won’t be good enough or I’ll screw it up. Even if I don’t… I’m not sure what I’d do if I got drafted this year. Would I skip college and go? Or is that setting myself up for failure? I don’t have a clue what I’m doing. I’m not some lucky rich kid whose dad played ball too or can buy them a sit down with a professional player to guide them. My family is supportive. I have you and Coach and this town… but it’s lonely as hell being the one actually going through it.”
I give his shoulder a gentle squeeze and he turns to look at me. “You have what it takes. I fully believe that. I’ve been learning about what D1 scouts are looking for and checking out video of college pitchers. You can do this. You have a talent that most people would kill for. And you can take direction. One note from me, and you make an adjustment. Some people have conditioned themselves to be good pitchers. You have an innate ability; you were made to do this. Maybe that scares you more, but don’t let it. Believe it. Believe that you’re walking the path you’re meant to be on. As for the rest of it, let me reach out to some players on your behalf. It’s a long shot, but it’s worth it to try. The worst someone can say is no.” I almost laugh at that. I think Rae exudes that sentiment so much the rest of us have absorbed it by osmosis.
He clears his throat as he sits up. “Thanks, A. I, uh… I’m sorry. I know I gave you a lot of shit over winter break—”
“Don’t worry about it, Jame. You called me on the truth. I wasn’t fighting for myself. It took some time, but I got there.”
He gives me a crooked smile. “Then what the hell’s bothering you?”
I force out an exhale. “I think I might be ready to be in a relationship with Rae again. I thought it out of nowhere last night. But it’s big. And I want to be sure. I don’t want to fuck it up. I want to get it right.”
We both look up at the sound of buses coming up the drive. A wave of nostalgia hits me. It’s insane how one year can change everything. I remember how I handled things with Rae last year. I was scared, and didn’t always think things through. I hurt us both. I don’t want to do that this time.
“Look, I’m the last person to give you advice on something like this, but maybe you should spend some time with her. Remember what it’s like to be with her. Maybe it’ll help you make sense of what you’re feeling.”
“Tomorrow’s our anniversary,” I whisper. Saying it out loud hurts. Tomorrow is the anniversary of the first night we danced to our song, the night it all changed. It’s the anniversary of when I asked her to be my girlfriend. We were naïve then, thinking our relationship would survive simply because we love each other. Neither of us knew how to fight. Do we now? Are we ready? Am I? I’m still not sure.
“Spend it with her.” He shrugs as he stands. “It’s better than spending it alone and torturing yourself.”
“Yeah, you might be right about that.”
He smiles as he walks to his bag. He chucks his glove in and slings it over his shoulder before heading toward the school.
“Jame.” He turns and looks back at me. “Get out of your head. Stay in the game.”
He nods and starts jogging across the parking lot.
I take a deep breath and try to find the balls to do what I know I want to do next.
Rae
