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He screws up his face before landing on a frown. “What would you want her to do if the roles were reversed? Step back because it seems harder than you thought it would be? Or see it through?”
Now I’m the one scowling. “When you say it like that…”
He puts a hand on my shoulder and looks back at Miles and Joel, walking toward us. “Look, I’m not saying you shouldn’t take your time and be sure of what you want. But you shouldn’t use the hard stuff as an excuse, or you’ll never get back together.”
He lightly smacks my shoulder and walks back toward the car.
How the hell is a kid with absolutely no relationship experience so wise?
More importantly, why the fuck is he so goddamn right?
Rae
I’m perfectly comfortable in the midday sun. I know I shouldn’t stay out here for too long, but I want to feel the sun on my skin for a few glorious minutes. I’m in my skimpiest bikini and some big sunglasses. I have headphones in playing my favorite summer mix.
Peace.
But I’m not even halfway through the second song when a shadow comes over me and then someone lays down next to me. I don’t have to open my eyes to know who it is.
“Hey, J,” I say, pulling my headphones out.
“How’d you know it was me?” he asks.
“You have a presence,” I say with a grin, finally flashing my eyes open and turning toward him.
He laughs and sits up.
I sit up too and take my sunglasses off, blinking at him through the bright sunlight.
“When’d you get home?” I ask.
A couple of weeks ago, he went down to Long Island to visit his oldest brother, Jared. We’ve texted on and off since the end of the semester last month. Just before school ended, Carrie ended things with him “for the summer” and encouraged him to see other people. She’s probably trying to make herself feel better about exploring things with her ex. I feel bad for Jesse. He deserves more than that. But I also reminded him that sometimes love isn’t so easy. I’m living proof.
Jesse shrugs. “I mean, it was fine. He’s still an asshole, but less of one since he became a dad.”
“How was the baby? I still cannot picture him as a father.”
Jared is, as Jesse described, an asshole. But not in the cheeky, fun, secretly sweet way like Jesse. Or at least he doesn’t show it to his brothers.
“Little. Basically at the stage of sleep, eat, barf, poop, repeat. She was cute but not particularly interesting at this point,” he says with an easy laugh. “I think Jill was happy I was there, though. She’s got it down to a science and my brother gets in the way of that. She was happy to send us out multiple times.”
I let out a laugh and elbow his ribs. “Have any fungoing out?”
He sighs. “I wish. I had a couple of opportunities. But it felt… wrong. I don’t know. It’s like she fucked me up. I can’t just sleep with anyone anymore. I’d like to. God, I’d like to. I’ve been horny as hell. Going from having awesome sex everyday to nothing is not fun.”
“Well, can’t say I don’t relate.”
“Not trying to push a button I shouldn’t, but I’m a little surprised you and Aaron aren’t back together. Things seem better.Heseems better.”
Well, at least I’m not the only one who’s noticed.
“Yeah, he does. But he isn’t ready for this yet, I guess. I don’t know. I put it all out there. Told him I loved him and was ready to be with him, ready to fight. He said he wasn’t there and didn’t know when he would be. It sucks. And it hurts like hell. I’m just trying to… keep going.”
He looks down, nodding softly. “I begged her not to leave me. Not my proudest moment, but… even as she was crushing my heart, I still wanted to give it to her.”
“Well, we are two depressed peas in a miserable pod,” I say, trying to be funny, but neither of us have the heart for it.
“Maybe we should spend the day together then. Better than being miserable alone. The field days finish up today, we should go and enjoy them. Rides. Crappy food. We can add nausea to our broken hearts. Maybe then we won’t feel them as strongly.”
