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I move in his direction as Miles chucks a duffel bag at him. They both laugh and start loading our bags. I watch as Aaron gently loads my bag into the car, then Joel steps over as they close the back of the Tahoe.
The boys walk over, ready to draw straws, and we form a circle, each pulling one from Joel’s outstretched hand. My eyes track Aaron’s movement, watching the way his arm flexes as he pulls out a straw. As he pulls his arm back, my eyes move up his body until they meet his. I offer a soft smile and his eyebrows go up slightly.
I open my mouth to speak, but Joel talks first, telling us to look at our straws.
A quick glance back at Aaron, and I look down at my straw. Maybe we can sit in the back together. Cozy up. Even if we’re not saying anything… it would tell him everything.
“Looks like I’m driving first,” Joel says with a yawn. “And you’re up front with me, Rae Rae.” He points at my straw. “You can keep me awake. And play DJ.” He slides his phone into my hand.
My eyes drift back to Aaron as we break off and climb into the Tahoe.
As we settle in, it takes everything in my power not to turn back and stare at him in the seat behind Joel’s. My skin crawls from how badly I want to talk to him.
After making sure Joel has coffee and some 2000s hip-hop to keep him awake, I put my headphones in. Hesitating for a moment, I pull up the playlist.Ourplaylist. While I still avoid our song, I push play and listen, letting the emotion flow over me, and eventually giving into my tiredness.
When I wake up a little over an hour later, I glance back at Aaron, whose eyes are closed. I’m not sure if he’s actually sleeping or not.
How long until the next rest stop?
Needing a distraction, I put on the latest episode of theDrama Queenspodcast, and listen to the incredible women ofOne Tree Hilltalk about the show. As they discuss some epic Nathan and Haley moment, I glance out at the still-dark sky. A bright star catches my eye, and I make a little wish—that we can finally fix this, that we’re ready. Because I don’t want to do this without him anymore.
Scrolling through my texts until I find his name, I open our conversation and stare at my phone as the cursor blinks back at me. I don’t want to say a lot of this in a text, but it’s better than nothing, because I can’t wait another second. I need the boy who has always had my heart, always been my home, and whose arms have always been my safest place. And I need him to know the truth.
Aaron
This car ride is agonizing. Seeing Rae come down the deck stairs this morning lifted a weight off my shoulders. I was surprised she seemed calm. More than calm. She seemed like she wanted to talk to me. And I have no idea what any of it means.
My eyes are closed, but I can’t sleep. All I can think about is Rae. She’s so close to me right now, but she feels a million miles away. My mind rolls back through everything. That fight. The way we left things. How confusing this all is. Now we’re stuck in a car, not able to have a real conversation for most of the fucking day.
God, I just want to fix things.
No, forget God.
I look out my window and see a bright star.
I wish Rae and I would fix our shit. For real this time. For good.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath, wanting nothing more than to reach for her hand like I always do after making wishes.
My phone vibrates in my hand, and my eyes snap open. I almost stop breathing when I see it’s from Rae.
Beautiful: So… this sucks. Everything is fucked up with us, and I know I played a big part in that. But I want to fix it. I need to fix it. To fix us. I know we’re stuck in this stupid car for the next ten hours, but when we get there… can we talk? Really talk?
I stare at it for a second. She wants to fix us?
Can we? Can we finally do this? Because I’m ready this time. I’m so ready. I want forever with her, and everything else. Good, bad, I don’t care. I want it all with her.
I glance up at her seat, but she’s facing forward, not moving a muscle.
I don’t know exactly what to type, or where her head is at.
Me: You really want to?
I send it, and her phone vibrates, but for a moment she doesn’t move. Then I hear her take a deep breath. Finally, I get a text back.
Beautiful: More than anything. I promise I’m ready to listen now.
Beautiful: Aaron…
