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“Yeah, I know.” He nodded grimly, accepting the burden of past decisions. “Lacy. Mom. Dad.”
“Me,” she snapped out, and stepped up close enough to him that the toes of their boots collided. Tipping her head back, she glared up at him, her eyes suddenly alive with anger, and said, “You leaving taught me that trusting anyone was too risky. Did you know Tony’s asked me to marry him twice now and twice I told him no?”
He inhaled sharply. “No, I didn’t know that.”
“Well, he did. And I said no because—” her voice broke off, she swallowed hard and pinned him with a hot look designed to singe his hair. “Because if you could leave Lacy, how could I possibly trust that Tony would stay with me? What’s the point, right? I couldn’t make myself believe, because you ripped the rug out from under me.”
“Damn it, Kristi.” Talk about feeling lower than he would have thought possible. Somehow in screwing over his own life, he’d managed to do the same for his baby sister. One more piece of guilt to add to the burden he already carried. Sam gritted his teeth and accepted it. Then he dropped both hands onto her shoulders and held on.
“You can’t use me as an excuse for not trying. I messed things up pretty well, but they were my decisions.” Bitter pill to choke down, but there it was. “You can’t judge everyone else by what I did. Tony’s a great guy and you know it. You’re in charge of your own life, Kristi. Make it or break it on your own. Just like the rest of us.”
“Easy to say when you’re not the one left behind.”
She had a point, though it cut at him to admit it. Damn, the repercussions of what he’d done two years ago just kept coming. It was like dropping a damn rock into a pond and watching the ripples spread and reach toward shore. But even as he acknowledged that, he tried to cut himself a break, too.
When Jack died, Sam hadn’t been able to think. Hadn’t been able to take a breath through his own pain, and he’d reacted to that. Escaping the memories, the people, who were all turning to him for answers he didn’t have. The emptiness he’d felt at his brother’s death had driven him beyond logic, beyond reason. Now, his decision to come home again meant he was forced to face the consequences of his actions. Acknowledging the pain he’d dealt others was hard to swallow.
He looked at Kristi and saw her in flashing images through his mind at every stage of her life. The baby his parents had brought home from the hospital. The tiny blonde girl chasing after him and Jack. The prom date Jack and he had tortured with promises of pain if he got out of line with their sister. The three siblings laughing together at the top of the mountain before hurtling down the slope in one of the many races they’d indulged in. Slowly, though, the memories faded and he was looking into her eyes, seeing the here and now, and love for her filled him.
Going with instinct, he pulled her, resisting, in for a hug, and rested his chin on top of her head. It only took a second or two for her to wrap her arms around his waist and hold on. “Damn it Sam, we needed you—I needed you—and you weren’t here.”
“I am now,” he said, waiting until she looked up at him again. She was beautiful and sad, but no longer furious and he was silently grateful that the two of them had managed to cross a bridge to each other. “But, Kristi, don’t let my mistakes make you miss something amazing. You love Tony, right?”
“Yes, but—”
“No.” He cut her off with a shake of his head. “No buts. You’ve always been nuts about him and it’s clear he loves you, too, or he wouldn’t put up with all of those self-help books you’re always quoting.”
She snorted and dipped her head briefly. The smile was still curving her mouth when she looked up at him again.
Shaking his head, Sam said softly, “Don’t use me as an excuse for playing it safe, Kristi. Nobody’s perfect, kid. Sometimes, you have to take a chance to get something you want.”
She scowled at him, then chewed at her bottom lip.
He smiled and planted a kiss on her forehead. “Trust Tony. Hell, Kristi, trust yourself.”
“I’ll try,” she said, then added, “I’m so glad you’re home.”
“Me, too, kid. Me, too.”
Nine
The talk with his sister was still resonating with him when Sam stopped at Lacy’s cabin later that night. For hours, he’d heard Kristi’s voice repeating in his mind as he came to grips with what he’d put everyone through two years ago. Realizing what he’d cost himself had brought him to the realization that he not only wanted but needed Lacy in his life again. Now he had to find a way to make that happen.
