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It’s hard to keep the tears from falling and harder still to swallow around the lump in my throat. “What do you expect me to say?”
“I don’t expect you to say anything. I expect you to accept what I brought. I got it for you. I wanted you to have it so you don’t have to be so afraid for your sister. All I expect is that you’llstay away from the consortium.”
“I’m not going to.”
“I’m sorry.” His eyes hold mine, the green so vivid I couldn’t look away if I wanted to. “Is that what you want to hear? I’m sorry for what I said. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that I have never once forced myself to touch you. I think about you every waking moment. I just want to be near you.”
“That’s—” I reach up for one of his hands and brush my fingertips over his knuckles. “That’s not true. You want to ruin my father and the entire consortium.”
“Yes.” Gabriel’s solemn. “I do want that. I won’t stop until it’s done.”
“Even if I’m part of it?”
“You won’t be part of it. You can’t.”
“I might have to be.”
“Jesus.” His eyes trace my lips. “Why can’t you understand?”
“Understand what?”
“That I’m trying to protect you. I’m trying to keep you alive. I’m never going to be another man. I’m a violent, broken bastard who’s not going to stop until I get revenge for my parents. This is all I’ll ever be. I just—you can’t do this. Don’t go back to them.”
“Give me a real reason.”
“Because…” He hesitates. “Repeat after me.” Gabriel’s voice is low and taut, almost at its breaking point. He cares about me. He loves me. It’s on the tip of his tongue. I can tell.
I want you to love me for one goddamn second.
This is what I wanted.
He can’t say it.
I shake my head, pinching my lips shut, and Gabriel’s shoulders drop. He lets out a shuddering sigh.
“I can’t let you hurt me again,” I tell him. “Not like that. Iwantedyou, Gabriel. And you—this—” I can’t step away from him. “This isn’t real. This is only to get a promise out of me. I can’t make the same mistake again.”
He gathers himself, his hands warming up on my face. “It’s dangerous, Elise. I could die.Youcould die. If you go back to them, your life is at risk.”
“It’s already at risk. I don’t have to risk my heart, too.”
Gabriel doesn’t back away. Not an inch. “Then you might not have much time, either.”
“I think we should spend it together.”
“What?” I don’t think I’ve ever seen him look so shocked.
“I’m not going to fall in love with you. But that doesn’t mean I want to be apart. If this is going to end in some enormous fireball and death, then for the love of God, Gabriel, kiss me while we still have time.”
Then there’s no more distance. His mouth is on mine, hot despite the cold raindrops on his skin.
For nowisn’t enough. I want more.
But people can only give you what they have. It hurts so much less to be close to him than to pretend I don’t want him, with all his anger and all his broken pieces and all his old scars.
I won’t let myself fall for him. Not when I’m just going to lose him. But I’m done living with regret. If all we have is right now, then so be it.
I push at his chest until he breaks the kiss, taking a deep breath like he’s been suffocating. “Don’t ask me to leave, Elise. I’m not going to go.”
