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When she’s gone, Gabriel paces over to the window and rubs at his forehead.
I go to meet him there. He doesn’t pull away when I put my hand on his back.
“I couldn’t stand the sound of that place,” he admits, after a minute.
“The ER?”
He puts his arm around my shoulders and pulls me in close. “It’s too much like the night of the fire. I was fifteen and clueless and afraid. My parents were dead. Mason’s knee was shattered.Jameson and Remy were beside themselves. We were orphans. It was fucking awful.”
We look out at the city lights, twinkling like their own constellations. “You’re not there anymore.”
“Yes, I am.” There’s so much raw hurt in his voice that I turn and stand closer, looking up into his face. Into the most brilliant, beautiful green eyes I’ve ever seen. “Every time I fuck up and something happens, I’m right back there.”
I reach for his face. Run my thumbs over his cheekbones. “You know, you have to stop blaming yourself for everything.”
“I can sure as hell blame myself for this.” Gabriel’s face goes red with guilt. “If I’d just offered Nate my guest bedroom like a decent human being, none of this would have happened.”
“You can’t know that.”
“Idoknow that.”
Soft footsteps pass the room and keep going. “Fine. You could have offered him your guest bedroom. But you couldn’t make him stay in it just to protect him. You couldn’t control him. Youcan’tcontrol him. What happened to Nate is terrible, but it didn’t happen because you’re not trustworthy. He didn’t trust us because the world had already failed him. The system had already failed him, the same way it failed your family.”
“Elise, it’s not—”
“And the same way it failed you.”
Gabriel’s eyes snap to mine. His lips part slightly, like this is the first time anyone has ever pointed this out to him in his life. He reaches in to brush his knuckles over my cheek. “Everything that happened…”
“Happened because we let you down.Wefailed. The world failed. It was never you. It was absolutely never your fault.” My throat closes up. “I know I can’t apologize on behalf of the entire country, but I’m going to say it anyway. I’m sorry, Gabriel. You and your family deserved so much better.”
He nods, the movement tentative, like he’s accepting a gift he didn’t dare hope to get. Gabriel lets out a breath that sounds heartbroken and relieved all at once. For a second, I think he might speak. Might deny what I’ve said.
Without a word, he wraps his arms around me and holds me so tight to his chest that his muscles tremble.
I hold him back just as tightly.
The system let him down. It dropped Gabriel and his siblings into a life of pain and fear and struggle.
I’m not going to let go.
23
GABRIEL
My emotions are a complete mess.They’re raw and disorderly, like a pile of wrinkled shirts. The lock that kept them hidden from the world has been sawed in half with a rusty knife. All it took was a single, never-ending night, and everything is exposed.
I mean, Jesus. I’ve spent years having my clothes professionally pressed. If I had a religion, it would bekeeping my distance.I kept everything and everyone at arm’s length. I told myself it was dangerous to let anyone get close. Worse, it was pointless.
Now it feels right.
Elise looks exhausted and beautiful in the passenger seat of my SUV. Nate is curled up on the back bench, stitched and bandaged and high on painkillers. He’s barely awake. We’re headed home as the sun rises.
I pull to a slow, careful stop in front of my brownstone. I had one of the valets bring my SUV to the hospital. I wanted to be in charge of the drive home, and I’m glad I was. I felt personally responsible for missing all the bumps.
Without missing a beat, Elise steps out and helps Nate from the car. I’m right behind her. He’s practically asleep on his feet. We’re a well-oiled machine out of necessity. Everybody’s too tired to talk.
There’s something almost unbearably sweet about that comfortable silence.
