AllFreeNovel
Share Us
It exists because terrible things happened, but it means we’re able to navigate our way into the house together. Elise helps Nate. I help Elise.
“Are you hungry?” she asks him.
He shakes his head. His lids are heavy, and his eyes are hazy with Vicodin. That’s good. He shouldn’t have to think about what happened to him. I wish I could reach into his mind and take it away.
I wish I could take it from myself, too. I’ve wished that thousands of times in my life. It’s not about the stitched-up gash on his forehead or the cut on his lip or the bruise under his eye, which we only saw once all the blood was cleaned up. Those things will fade. They’ll heal.
The wounds inside him, though? They’re the same as the wounds inside me. You get more skilled at ignoring them for periods of time, but they never really go away. It’s a bullshit fact of life.
I’ve thought of sex as a physically risky, emotionally void transaction for a long, long time. And then Elise walked into my life and exploded that idea into a puff of flour and sweetness.
Holy fuck, I’m tired.
I follow her into one of the guest rooms—the same one Nate slept in before. She pulls back the covers and helps him into the bed. I found out from his ID today that he’s sixteen, but he looks much younger as his head hits the pillow. His eyes are closed before Elise is finished pulling the blanket over his body. A gentle snort leaves his mouth.
Well, Christ. I thought I was finished with things like pity and mercy, but that soft, boyish snore squeezes my heart.
“We should get him a change of clothes, right?” Elise murmurs.
“We should let him sleep.” He’s wearing the same jeans he had when we found him, plus the top half of a set of hospital scrubs. It doesn’t look particularly comfortable to sleep in jeans. At least they’re well-worn. I’ve let him borrow my clothes before, so they’re available. Nate’s almost tall enough to wear them, but he’s too skinny. They’d hang off him. It’s not worth waking him up for. “I’ll have some things sent here tomorrow.”
Elise gives me a hesitant smile. “So…you’re keeping him?”
“He’s not a stray dog.” Elise laughs at my wry tone. It’s not completely true, though. Nateisa stray. He needs a home and someone to take care of him. It could be me. Normally, I’d dismiss that kind of thought as a random hallucination. Now it sounds possible. “We can keep him, though. Both of us.”
Her eyes go wide.
I turn off the lamp on the bedside table, hiding her shock. Hiding my newfound hope. It’s frankly bizarre to be hiding hope instead of the fact that I feel nothing but shame and a thirst for revenge.
That’s firmly past tense. I feel so much more right now that it hurts. It’s a pleasant ache.
Elise leans against me, and a light shiver runs down her body. I can’t help but recognize exhaustion. She’s barely holding it together. It’s been the longest day in the history of the world. I run a hand slowly up and down her back, and for once, I have no ulterior motive. I just want to comfort her after a hard day.
It’s a strangely domestic scene. Like she’s my wife. Like Nate’s my son.
My family for tonight. I’m used to taking things one night at a time, but my heart throws a little tantrum at the thought that it could be over in the morning.
Nobody’s ever promised tomorrow,my mother points out in my head. She has a smile in her voice.But think about it anyway. How does it feel when you imagine them staying?
Good. That’s how it feels. My mother always based her life decisions on weather they felt good.Rightis what she meant.Rightfor everybody.
I miss you,I think at her.I wish you could have met Elise.
The irony in all this is that Elise would have made an incredible society wife. She’d be a brilliant mother. A domestic goddess. Instead, that bastard Bettencourt had to make her a player in his power games. He trapped her in a world of violence when she was only a girl.
I guess we have that in common. My parents shoved me out into the world with zero warning. Unlike Bettencourt, they didn’t mean for it to happen, but the end result is the same. Elise and I could have been such ordinary people. We could have had ordinary lives. I thought that was the dream.
Now it feels foreign. Impossible. I would have missed so much if life had gone according to plan. I would never have had her in my arms. And even if by some twist of fate a happy and whole Gabriel Hill had managed to land an uncomplicated version of Elise, I don’t think I could have ever appreciated her strength.
I put my arm around her waist and tug her close. She leans her head on my shoulder, and a lock clicks softly open in my heart. It lets out warm satisfaction. Elise knows she can rely on me in this moment. When she’s tired, or when she’s weak, she doesn’t need defenses against me.
It’s trust I haven’t really earned. I’m going to accept it anyway. It feels too good to let it go.
I lean down and kiss the top of her head, breathing in her sugar scent. Even tired and smelling faintly of hospital cleaners, she wakes me up. She makes me hard. I want to take her into the shower with me and wash every inch of her skin. Then I want to follow where the soap was, rinse it away, and lick her with my tongue. Burrow my way inside her so deep that she can never forget. Never.Never. Not even if I were to die suddenly. When nobody is expecting it.
The way you deserve,that stranger’s voice whispers.
That voice is survivor’s guilt and shame. It made me search for a way out. An early end. In other words, that voice is a cruel, deceptive prick.
