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“Je,but the experiences I’ve had have been what others have proscribed for me. Not the adventures of my choosing.”
“Interesting.” He poured more wine into her glass. “I’m curious—what adventure would you choose?”
“You’ll be disappointed in my answer after all the talking I’ve done. But my great adventure would be a family. Not a royal one, where the children are kept separate or are brought into the world for succession. But afamily. I can think of no greater pleasure than to have a home filled with children. Like Iddesleigh House.”
He looked utterly perplexed, as if those words coming from her made absolutely no sense. Of course he did—what an odd thing to desire when she could desire anything in the world. But she thought it curious that his expression seemed almost sad. “Why are you looking at me like that? Is it so strange?”
“I thought... I thought you’d say something else. I had the impression you enjoyed a bit of danger and would choose something more along those lines.”
“Oh, I do! I feel very much alive when I teeter on the edge of disaster.” She laughed at herself and absently traced her finger around the rim of her wineglass. Perhaps she’d had a bit too much of the wine. Her thoughts were fluid, she was at long last warm, and she felt amazingly comfortable in his presence. She thought they might have been friends in another life. “It will sound mad when I say it, but my truest wish is to be like everyone else. I wear the finest gowns and priceless jewelry and dine with royalty, and all I want is to be like everyone else.”
“I don’t think it’s mad at all.”
His gaze had softened, and she felt herself blush. “And you? What do you want from this life?”
His smile was wry. “Not that.”
“You don’t want to be like everyone else?” she teased him.
“I think it is best for all concerned if I am left alone.”
“Alone! But what about family? Children?”
He pressed his lips together. “That is not for me.”
Disappointment stabbed at her. She realized that she’d wanted him to say the exact opposite.
The rain suddenly began to come down in torrents. They both looked to the windows. “I asked that a room be prepared for you. It should be warmed by now. Would you like to see it?”
She was not ready for the day to end. She wanted to spend more time with him and tell him everything—who was her favorite dog at the palace, where was the secret place in the palace gardens she went when she wanted to be alone. How many men she’d kissed—probably imprudent of her to say, but still. She felt entirely at ease with him. There was no one else she’d felt so comfortable with here. It was a bit like talking to Justine—she felt as if she could confess everything to him.
There was no point in lingering. It would only give rise to a hope for something she couldn’t have. “Please,” she said at last. Maybe she was learning to be a spinster now. Talking and talking and revealing too much, then saying good-night when one wanted so much more.
He picked up one of the candles from the table and cupped his hand around the flame and walked to the door.
“Are there no lamps?” she asked as she rose from her seat. It seemed so odd to have a house like this without lamps.
“I’ve gotten out of the habit of having them lit.”
The dogs were sprawled outside the closed door and came to attention the moment the door opened. When Joshua stepped into the hall behind Amelia, the dogs turned and began trotting ahead of them, the path familiar to them.
Amelia walked along with the duke in her bare feet, down the large hall, up the stairs again, and into the hallway she’d seen before. But this time, instead of following the dogs all the way to the end, Joshua stopped at an open door about halfway down.
A fire was glowing in that room, making the yellow wallpaper seem even brighter. The dust cloths that had obviously covered the furnishings were folded neatly and stacked in a corner. She walked into the room and looked around.
“Will this suit?” he asked.
She turned to look at him. He’d not stepped over the threshold, but was leaning against the door frame, one hand in his pocket, the other holding the candle.
“Was this your wife’s room?” She needed to know. She didn’t want to be in her room, God rest her soul. She couldn’t be thinking about him while in a dead woman’s room.
“No,” he said, aghast.
She was astonished by how relieved she felt.
Joshua hadn’t moved, but he was looking at her in a way that made her heart skip a little. She thought she recognized a bit of yearning in his look. She felt it, too, waving through her.
“Well,” he said, and straightened.
