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His voice rasped lower than any voice Alice had ever heard. Gruff and rough-edged.
This darkness was so contrary to the teasing, lighthearted man she’d come to know over the last month.
Always joking, always making risqué innuendos.
He was giving her a warning.
Making certain that she knew he could never allow himself to grow close to anyone. Not when he thought he would go mad. Not when he believed that anyone he loved would leave him.
Seeing this raw, real side of him confused her.
She searched the wall. “Where’s your painting?”
“I refused to sit. I told you, Alice, the line ends with me. I’ll never sire an heir. I’m the last of my cursed line.”
“Have you ever considered the possibility that maybe you won’t go mad? That maybe there’s no chasm of lunacy waiting to swallow you?”
“No.”
“How would you live your life if you knew you had ten more years? Or twenty, even?”
“I never consider my future because I can feel that I will go insane.” He placed his fist on his flat stomach. “Here. In my gut.” He stared at his father’s portrait. “There have been... signs.”
“What signs?”
“Sometimes the world seems as though it’s closing in on me. My vision blurs.”
“Have you ever been examined by an eye doctor? You may need spectacles.”
“Rakes don’t wear spectacles,” he scoffed.
“Maybe you’re not a rake,” she rejoined. Which would be quite problematic. She was counting on him to be a rake. A conceited rake whose single purpose in life was the pursuit of pleasure.
“Don’t go thinking I’m more than I appear, Alice. What you see is what I am.” He spread his arms wide. “Descendant of madmen. Idle aristocrat. Pleasure-obsessed rake.”
Alice couldn’t accept his word anymore. He spoke with too much feeling, and too much pain.
“You’re also your father’s refuge. His anchor. You don’t let him drift too far into the deep.”
“He harms no one so I keep him here with me. He’d never gambled before now. Dalton believes there was someone behind the scenes besides the duke’s hired caretaker, Mr. Stubbs. Someone who wishes my family ill. Every day, my friends and I search for news of Stubbs in pubs, coach passenger lists, and on ship registries. If I find Stubbs, he’ll lead me to my true enemy.”
Alice saw the steely resolve in his eyes. “I don’t like the idea of someone holding a grudge against you.”
He smiled. “Says the lady whose father practically blackmailed me into marriage.”
“Says the lady who requires nightly instruction in the particulars of pleasure, or have you forgotten our arrangement?” she teased.
She needed to turn the conversation back to her love lessons, because she didn’t like the rush of emotion stirring in her heart.
She heard the suffering in his words, but she didn’t want to understand the reasons for his darkness and his pain.
It made her feel too sympathetic.
Too vulnerable.
She had to regain control over her emotions.
Follow the plan.
