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“Of course!” Caterina blushes. “I’ve—we’ve—well, we’ve done a little bit. I—” she chews on her lower lip, suddenly turning brighter red than I’ve ever seen her. “I went down on him in the limo after he proposed to me.”
“I would too! Look at that fucking ring!” Ana crows, laughing. “Come on, Sofia, chime in here. Give the poor girl some advice, one virginal bride to another.”
“I don’t think I have very much advice to give,” I admit. “I’m basically clueless.”
“You and Luca—you did sleep together, right?” Caterina frowns. “We saw the bed the morning after.”
Ana makes a gagging noise. “They seriously checked your fuckingsheets? What is this, the fourteenth century?”
Caterina shrugs. “We’re all disgusted by it. My mother tried to talk my father out of doing it for Sofia. But he insisted. He’s very traditional.” A flicker of sadness crosses her face, probably at the mention of her mother, but it’s fleeting. I can tell that she’s trying to stay in a good mood.
“Luca won’t keep up that tradition, I’m sure.” I take a sip of my drink, trying not to think about the last night I was up here on the rooftop drinking and what that led to.
“Don’t be surprised if he does. He’s inherited a position and everything that goes along with it. I don’t know if he’ll be quick to make changes, especially while my father is still alive.” Caterina pauses. “But—youdidsleep together, right? I mean, I can understand if you faked it, but—”
“No, we did,” I say quickly. “I just—”
“It wasn’t good?” Ana raises an eyebrow. “Guys as hot as Luca do tend to be shit in bed. They’re so gorgeous they don’t even have to try. Girls fake an orgasm just in hopes of getting to date them for a while, and then they think they’re gods.” She rolls her eyes.
“No, I mean—”
“Did you come?” Ana leans forward, her eyes glinting with mischief. “Come on, Sofia, we’re having a girls’ night. Spill a little.”
I think of the night a week ago, of Luca’s hard cock rubbing against my clit, his tongue on me, the way I begged him to let me come until he finally relented. The way I shamelessly got myself off in front of him, not even caring any longer that he was watching.
And then the way he rejected me afterward.
I can feel myself flushing bright red, and I’m glad that it’s nighttime, so at least it’s less obvious, even with the lights on the rooftop. “No,” I say quietly. “I didn’t. It wasn’t bad, I guess. I just—told him to get it over with.”
“You what?” Caterina sits up. “He didn’t force you, did he?”
“I mean—” I let out a sigh. “You guys know this whole thing was arranged for me from the start. I didn’t want any of it. And I didn’t want to sleep with him.”
“You don’t think he’s attractive?” Caterina frowns.
“No—”If only.This would all be so much easier if Luca were ugly or if I just simply weren’t attracted to him at all. But how could anyonenotbe? He’s like something out of anyone’s fantasy—muscular, dark-haired and dark-eyed, tall, dark and handsome in every sense of the word. He’s gorgeous, and I can’t think how any woman wouldn’t want him.
“I just—I didn’t choose any of this. I didn’t want to marry him. We’ve never even been on a date.”
“I didn’t choose Franco either.” Caterina shrugs. “But even though I’m nervous, I’m excited about our wedding night too. He’s handsome. Hopefully, he’s a good lover. I don’t see any reason to be upset about it. It could have been so much worse.”
“Make sure he goes down on you,” Ana says with a laugh. “Especially since you’ve already done it to him. He better give as good as he gets.”
Caterina blushes red at that, but I’m still struggling with what she just said. Am I really so wrong to resist Luca when I didn’t ask for this marriage? Am I being ungrateful?
“I just don’t see why I should willingly sleep with him,” I insist. “I did it on our wedding night because I had to. But just because this is the way it is for women who are born into and marry into the mafia doesn’t mean that it’s what I want for me.”
“If you don’t want to, then you shouldn’t,” Ana says firmly. “You should never feel forced.”
“I—well, I mean, I—” I stumble over my words, not knowing how to explain myself.
Caterina glances over at me. “You do want to, don’t you? You just feel like you shouldn’t.”
She’s hit the nail so directly on the head that I don’t even know what to say. That’s it, of course, and I’ve known it for a while now. If I’m being honest with myself, I’ve lusted after Luca since the night he pinned me up against his front door.
But I feel like he’s someone I shouldn’t want. Shouldn’t be married to. I’m afraid of what will happen if I let myself fall under his spell.
“He’s not the kind of man I would have ever dated, much less married. I would have been too intimidated to even talk to him. And—he’s cold. Cruel, even.”
