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And he’s made all that money doing something terrible. Something so awful that I can’t bring myself to moralize it in my head in any way, no matter what excuses or justifications he comes up with. I simplycan’t.
“I slept with him last night,” I admit finally. “I initiated it because I wanted to. Just once. I wanted to reallyenjoyit, just the one time. I told myself that afterward, I’d put some distance between us. And I tried to. But—”
Sofia leans against the counter, looking at me with curious, worried eyes. “But what? He didn’t hurt you, did he?”
I laugh, a small, choked sound in my throat. “No,” I say quietly. “Or at least—not in a way that I didn’t like. But he was—different.”
Sofia cocks her head. “Different how?”
“He said things to me in Russian, during—” I clear my throat, feeling my cheeks flush a little. “Pet names. It sounded—sweet. And afterward, he wanted tocuddle.”
Sofia laughs. “Oh no. Not your husband wanting tocuddleyou. Although that doesn’t seem to really be Viktor’s MO if I’m being honest.”
“It’s not. He’s not gentle or cuddly or any of those things. But last night—”
“So that’s why you’re in here crying into your roast beef sandwich? Because he was too gentle with you?” Sofia sighs. “I’m not trying to be difficult, Caterina, but I don’t know what it is that you want. I want to help you, just like you helped me. But I’m just as confused as you are about what’s happening here. And I’d be willing to bet that Viktor is confused, too—”
“We had a fight.” I push the sandwich away. My appetite is entirely gone. “Afterwards. I told him that I had just wanted the one night with him, and then I wanted to go back to the way things were before. Separate rooms, only sleeping together when it might result in a baby.” I bite back everything else—the fact that I might not even be able to have children now, the threat I’d made, what Viktor’s first wife had done that had made my words cut so deeply. I can’t tell Sofia all of that—it’s not my story to tell, and besides, I can’t bring myself to say any of it out loud. “He was angry,” I finish lamely.
“I mean—you’re giving him a hell of a lot of mixed signals, don’t you think, Caterina?” Sofia looks at me, her expression still full of worry. “Cat, I did the same thing to Luca for a long time. And I learned—these aren’t men to toy with. They’re not men to play games with. I thought you knew that. Viktor especially—he’s worse even than the men you grew up with. I get how scared you are of him sometimes. I was the same way with Luca. Luca was like nothing I’d ever experienced or known. And I understand being terrified and wanting him at the same time—that was me with Luca, too. But Cat—remember the things you told me. You have to choose. And once you’ve chosen, you’ve got to stick with it. Viktor isn’t going to react well to games and you giving and then taking away.”
“He’s not—” I let out a breath, squeezing the edge of the countertop. “He’s not a bad man, deep down. Hetriesnot to be. He has this code that he tries to live by.”
“They all do.” Sofia peers at me as if she’s trying to figure me out. “But it’s not enough for you.”
“It should be. I was raised to turn a blind eye to all sorts of things. To not ask what my husband was doing while he was gone, where he was. But I also wasn’t raised to love my husband. Towanthim. You can tolerate all kinds of things when you don’t have any feelings towards someone other than duty. But Viktor—”
“You’re falling for him.”
“In lust? In love? I don’t know.” I shake my head, a short, desperate laugh escaping my lips. “But whichever it is, I just know I have to put some distance between us. I can’t live with myself otherwise. Not unless things change, and I know now that they won’t.”
“You need to stop torturing yourself,” Sofia says quietly. “Haven’t enough people done that already? Give yourself some peace, Cat. Are you thinking of leaving Viktor?”
I shake my head. “No. I can’t. The bargain with Luca—besides, I can’t leave Anika and Yelena. Yelena especially has come to depend on me, and I can’t do that to them.”
“Then, try not to let your thoughts consume you. Have a little peace.” Sofia looks at me sympathetically. “There’s enough to worry about right now. Maybe in time, Viktor will come to his senses, with some space between the two of you. You have a lifetime to figure it out. It doesn’t have to happen in the midst of all of this.”
She reaches for the sandwich that I was half in the middle of making, quickly assembling the pieces and handing it to me. “Here, eat this. You need to eat. I came in here to make some tea for Ana and me. I’ll make some for all three of us, and then we’ll go outside in the garden and sit for a little while. It’s sunny out, even if it is a little cold, and Liam got the fire pit going.”
I blink at her. “Liam did what?”
Sofia shrugs. “He came outside a little bit ago and offered to start a fire in the pit so that we’d be warmer.” She laughs, setting the kettle on the stove. “He’s unusually kind, for the son of an Irish King.”
“Are they not?” I frown, taking a bite out of my sandwich. “I never really met any of them until Liam.”
Sofia shrugs. “From what Luca says, his father wasn’t. Conor Macgregor was a devil, ruthless and vicious. As much as any Bratva man—maybe more, since the Irish always feel they have something to prove. Or at least, that’s almost word for word what Luca told me. Conor tried to murder Luca in his hospital bed, so I believe it.”
I remember when Luca and Liam arrived, Sofia said that Liam wasn’t meant to inherit his father’s seat. He took it out of necessity to prevent a civil war among the men when his father was executed, leaving a vacancy without his older brother there to fill it.
“Do you think he’s hoping for his brother to come back?” I ask curiously. “To relieve him of the position?”
“No one thinks Connor is coming back.” Sofia glances at me. “Luca thinks he’s dead. I don’t know what Viktor thinks, or the inner whispers in the Irish families are; my understanding is that Luca doesn’t expect him to ever return. Which means he’s stuck with a position he didn’t expect to have, and one that he needs to prove that he’s strong enough to hold.”
“Much like Luca, when my father died.”
“Exactly.” Sofia picks the kettle up as it starts to whistle, pouring the boiling water into three cups. “They’ve been spending a lot of time together recently. Luca sees it as a win-win. He’s fostering a bond with Liam that may come in handy in the future. His advice will strengthen Liam’s ability to run the Kings while ensuring that they’re led by someone less duplicitous and bloodthirsty than Conor Macgregor was.”
I take the last bite of my sandwich, watching Sofia as she arranges the tea. “Luca talks to you a lot, doesn’t he?” I ask quietly. “He tells you a lot.”
