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24
She stood in the shower,the hot water beating down on her back as she bowed her head under the spray. It had taken her three hours and a nearly three hundred dollar Uber ride to get home, including the hour and a half she’d spent walking the side streets of the small town where Jack had takenher.
She’d stayed off the main road, not wanting to see him, knowing he’d come forher.
She’d been surprised to find she still had her clutch. She had no memory of grabbing it off the bar on her way to the bathroom, no memory of having it in her hand when Jack fucked her in front of the other man. She must have grabbed it by instinct, and she’d comforted herself with the knowledge that while she was running from another of Jack’s games, this time she had herphone.
The night air, cooler in the country, had helped clear her head. It took a long time for a driver to claim her fare, but by the time the older man in a gray Honda Accord pulled up alongside her, she was mostlysober.
She could have called Karen, but Nina wasn’t ready to talk to anyone about what had happened, especially not Karen, who would probably want to hunt Jack down and cut off hisballs.
It wouldn’t be justified. Even now, Nina could admit that she’d known what she was doing. Being humiliated after the fact didn’t mean Jack hadn’t played fair. She could have stopped the game at any point along the way — when he’d asked her to wear the dress, when she’d had the bad feeling in her stomach, when he’d lifted her dress in the bathroom, when he’d asked her if she wanted him tostop.
It hadn’t been the alcohol talking. She’d known what she was doing, had wanted every bit of it. If she was being honest with herself, she still wanted it, was still turned on by the memory of Jack fucking her while the other man jacked off behindthem.
Even now she wanted Jack’s hands on her body, his cock inside her, the promise of moregames.
She was sick. Fuckedup.
She’d waited to get home to start sobbing, stripping off her clothes and climbing into the shower without even turning the lights on in the rest of the apartment. She wasn’t crying because she felt violated, or even because she feltbetrayed.
Her tears were all anger and frustration at herself, at her own twisted desire — desire that was inflamed by being dominated, even humiliated, pushed past the edge of what most people would consider healthy sexualbehavior.
Her skin was puckered by the time she finally turned off the water. She wrapped herself in a towel, then went to her room where she found the biggest, most comfortable underwear she could find. She pulled them on along with an old T-shirt, the cotton worn to silkysoftness.
Intense sexual experiences can be overwhelming. Responsibility extends toaftercare…
She heard Jack’s voice in her mind as she slid between the sheets. Her phone buzzed from the nightstand where she’d put it to charge. She looked at thedisplay.
Nine missed calls from Jack. Six voicemails.
She deleted the voice mails and hovered over her last text to Karen before turning off the phone and putting it back on the nightstand. She didn’t want to talk to anyone. She just wanted to sleep. That was her aftercare, and she would provide itherself.
She lifted her head from the pillow as Virginia jumped on the bed. The cat had never slept with Nina before, and she walked cautiously up the mattress before laying next to Nina’sthigh.
Nina reached out a hand, half expecting the cat to run. She stroked the cat’s fur softly, settling into the comfort of her mattress. Virginia immediately startedpurring.
Nina closed her eyes and let sleepcome.
