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What the fuck is wrong with me? What kind of coward accepts defeat? Fuck that.
I can win. I have to.
Thirty Five
Ana
“Ana,” the softest of voices whispers. Except it’s deep and rumbly as well. I smile and nuzzle my chest in, content knowing whose arms I’m in. That is until the smell registers and I remember where we are. My eyes shoot up and I look up into Axle’s deep green iris’.
“Is everything okay?” I immediately look around, taking my ear off his chest to listen for impending footsteps. A hand turns my attention back to his face.
The massive split in his lip cracks when he speaks, blood welling at the edges. His right eye looks swollen shut and I’d be amazed if he could see anything out of it. In addition, there are a multitude of other bruises, the scrape on his forehead…and that’s not even counting below his neck. I sigh sadly and bring my hand up to his face, tracing above the surface.
“You look awful,” I tell him honestly, and he’s so surprised by my admission he actually barks out a small laugh. It quickly turns into a groan though as he clutches his ribs, and a fresh dribble of blood pours from his lip.
“Fuck, I’m sorry!” My hands hover around him too unsure to touch him and make it worse.
“Ana, I just…wanted you awake with me. It-it was selfish. Come here and go back to sleep.” My heart softens at his words and Ivery gentlyreach for his chin and wipe away the blood.
“I’m glad you woke me up.”
We stare into each other’s eyes, so many unspoken things between us, but neither of us want to admit what we know is true. I can’t even say it in my own head. Instead, I take his hand and hold it in mine, leaning back against the wall beside him.
“Tell me how Josh died,” he says finally, and I stare at him sharply.
“Now of all times, you need to hear that story?” I all but squeak. I’ve never spoken about it. With anyone. Ax turns his head to me and nods. I can’t help but wonder where this came from and am about to open my mouth to object when he obliterates any objections I could have with a single, unexpected word.
“Please.”
I inhale deeply before giving him a wry look. “With sugar on top?”
“You trying to make me laugh again?” he comments before hesitating, and again making my heart and resolve crumble. “Please.”
I lean my head back again and close my eyes, bringing myself back to that fateful night. It’s a night that has stayed with me my whole life, but not one I’ve ever willfully thought of. Josh has always been with me, a ghost over my shoulder keeping me safe but also never letting me forget. Never really letting me move on. Sleeping beside Axle has been the first time in years I’ve had no nightmares.
He did say please… I open my eyes but don’t see the stone walls in front of me, I see Josh’s face.
“I told you after I was raped is when I started dressing like a boy. That was when we started traveling,” I began, “It wasn’t really safe to stay in one place too long, not with the militia still fucking things up, so we just travelled. Some places we stayed for a little while, some for months even. Josh taught me how to act like a man, how to fight. We trained with different people in different places or just ourselves.”
Ax squeezes my hand lightly, encouraging me to go on.
“We were camping out, just outside a little town that had given us a bad vibe. We were good at that, you know? If something didn’t feel right, we left. Listened to our instincts. But that night is when they came. We didn’t go far enough away. Two teen boys were too easy an opportunity to pass up,” I spat bitterly, still remembering waking in the night in our tent. We rarely kept fires, they were too easy to spot, so there was nothing but the moonlight to reveal our attackers to us.
“Traffickers,” I tell him, “but they weren’t above ‘trying the wares’ first.”
I pause for a moment.
“They grabbed me first, held Josh back. It didn’t take long for them to figure out my secret,” my throat clenches, threatening to shut, but I need to keep going.
* * *
“Lookie here boys, we got ourselves a girl!” Tears rushed down my face as a coarse hand grabbed my exposed breast and a sob escaped my throat. The other men whooped and hollered, and through my tears I could see Josh struggling to get free.
“Maybe we should keep this one for ourselves,” the man grins, “grow her hair and she’ll be a pretty little thang.” Josh roars as he pulls free of his captor’s hold, throwing a punch and downing one of them.
“Run, Ana!” he shouts at me, turning to the other. The man holding me down has only tied my hands, so when he gets up to help his friend I get up and I run…
* * *
