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“That’s where you’re wrong. Some of that may be true, but if I didn’t leave, I would have been the one that killed him, and I would have dragged it out for days, making sure he felt every bit as helpless and terrified as he made you feel, and you wouldn’t have been going through it alone. You wouldn’t have been dealing with the pain I caused when I left on top of the trauma of what he did to you.”
“You’re impossible,” I groan, finally tearing my eyes from his. I don’t know how to make him see that it wasn’t his fault.
Everett chuckles long and deep. “Dove, we both know I’m not the impossible one.”
I glare at him for a moment before reaching for my robe laying across the bottom of the bed. I can’t have this argument while stark naked, it gives him an unfair advantage.
“Don’t you dare,” he snaps and I hate the way my hand stops in its place. “I did not give you permission to get dressed.”
“Last time I checked, I didn’t need your permission to put clothes on.”
“Well, now you do. After the bullshit you pulled today, you need my permission for just about everything.”
“My brothers aren’t going to allow you to keep me locked up and naked in here until the danger is gone,” I hiss.
“I think you’d be surprised at what your brothers would allow me to do, little dove.” He smirks.
“What the fuck does that mean?”
He shakes his head. “Maybe someday I’ll tell you.”
“How about today?”
“No. Today we’re going to talk some more.”
“While I’m naked?” I ask.
“Yep.” He sits on the edge of the bed and pats his knee, but I don’t move from where I’m standing, my arms crossed against my chest. “Don’t you think you’re in enough trouble?” He raises an eyebrow.
I huff out a frustrated breath before moving to perch on his lap. It’s one thing to use him as a seat when I’m upset, it’s an entirely different story to do so just because he says so.
“See, you do know how to be a good girl.” He brushes the hair from my cheeks, his fingers lingering for a few moments before moving to draw gentle circles into my thigh, and the other wraps around my waist to hold me in place. “I want to ask you a few questions, and I want you to tell me the truth, okay?”
I nod hesitantly, there are so many things he could ask that I wouldn’t want to answer, but at this point, I think I’m out of options.
“Did you ever go back to the club after Craig hurt you?”
“Yes,” I answer quietly.
“Did you scene while you were there?”
I shake my head. “No.”
“Tell me what happened.”
I stare at him for a moment, trying to decide if I think I can get out of it or not, but by the way he’s looking at me, I suspect he’ll get the answers he wants regardless of how much I argue. “A few months after the incident, I was sick of being afraid of my own shadow, I was in a darker place than I had ever been before, and I wanted to take control of my own life. I thought I would be able to walk into the club and scene with one of the Doms I used to scene with and it wouldn’t be an issue.”
I don’t miss the way Everett tenses at the mention of another man touching me, and he isn’t going to like the rest of what I have to say any better.
“When I arrived I spoke to the Dungeon Master on duty and went over what had happened to me and he understood why I was there, so he found one of the softer Doms who I had scened with when I first started going. We sat down and had a drink and again, I rehashed everything I had been through in painful detail, each time the story only made me feel more sick to my stomach. He was happy to give it a go, just a gentle spanking to see if I could handle it.”
“And could you?” Everett asks through gritted teeth.
I shake my head. “No. The moment I was bent over his lap and he was rubbing my ass I freaked out. I was absolutely beside myself, couldn’t breathe through the panic, and the owner got so worried he called an ambulance.” I laugh despite there being nothing funny about the most mortifying night of my life.
“Do you miss it?”
“The club? I mean, I guess. It was one of the only places I’ve ever been where I could just be myself. I didn’t have to be a Saint James, or a businesswoman. I could just be me.” I shrug.
