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‘One and the same. Well, I guess the guys will all hear about this soon enough...’
‘But that’s okay because we’re not hiding anymore, right?’ Leyna asks.
‘I believe I said something along the lines of I will follow your lead.’
‘Jack... I’m sorry I haven’t quite been myself today. I had a fight with Lorna this morning. It’s why I was late.’
Now I feel foolish. All this time I’d been moaning about my own problems and I hadn’t even asked her how her day went. ‘I’m sorry. I thought something was off. I should have asked you as soon as you walked in the door.’
‘It’s fine. Honestly, I’d rather forget it even happened.’
‘Will you tell me about it?’
She sighs ‘It was so weird. Like, one minute she was telling me I was a shit worker and the next it was like she was warning me against the big, bad professors.’
‘She what?!’
‘Yeah. I mean, I guess she knows about us? She said a lot of things but basically accused me of getting perks by sleeping with the boss.’
‘Fuck. Leyna I’m sorry. This is exactly—’
‘Hush. No, don’t say it. We knew this could happen, but do I care? No. So neither should you. Lorna’s opinion means nothing—especially when it’s accompanied by a side of slut shaming and meaningless take downs. She thinks she knows something. She never said your name but that was the gist of it.’ Leyna takes a sip of the Oasis she’s been holding and shakes her head. ‘God, I hate this job,’ Leyna says in disgust.
‘She should not have said those things. Come here.’ My heart is broken hearing what Leyna has to say. I hold her so tightly, our no-touching rule long forgotten now. ‘Is there nothing good about your job? Not even me?’
Leyna’s face softens and she sighs. ‘Jack, you aren’t my job. In fact, I don’t knowwhatthis is. Do we have a name for it?’
‘Do you need a name for it?’ I ask honestly, but then I catch myself. That’s the old me talking. I know I want more from Leyna and she deserves more from me. A commitment, something I had been unable or unwilling to give anyone else up to now. ‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. It was selfish of me to ask you to hide and pretend. It’s not up to me. It’s up to you. So, I’m telling you here and now, I like you. I like you so much, Leyna. You’re all I think about. All my spare time, I want to spend it with you. I don’t know why I’ve been so hard-headed about it all. But I was never, not for one second, embarrassed about being with you—genuinely, I was worried you’d have to face an even more toxic workplace and I couldn’t bear to have been the reason for that.’
She’s quiet, still digesting everything I’d said. ‘Jack, what are you saying?’
I take a deep breath. ‘I’m saying I’m ready if you’re ready.’
‘You want to date? For real? No more hiding, no more secret kisses in the photocopy room?’
‘Well, I’m not averse to secret kissing anywhere,’ I nuzzle her neck and finally she smiles and sighs contentedly. ‘But seriously, I don’t want to hide anymore. I’ve got so much going on all the time, with work, with the restaurants and I’m always keeping parts of myself hidden. I need something in my life that is good, honest, and true—and that is you, Leyna. From that first day you showed up at my house, despite the costume and what we were doing, there was a brutal honesty there that I’d never felt with anyone else.’
‘I’m not going back to the department this afternoon. In part that’s why I was late. I was so angry and agitated that I left the building and walked to my car only to then realise that I was meant to be meeting you.’
‘Will you come to my place this evening?’
‘Tonight?’
‘Every night, Leyna. I don’t know how to live without you.’
She kisses me and we nearly fall over sideways into the fishpond. Through laughter she says, ‘Yes, I’ll come over.’
‘Take my key. I’ll meet you back there tonight. But there’s something else I wanted to ask you, too. There’s a university poetry evening at a café in the town. I wonder if you’d like to come... and keep me company? I’ll keep you safe. Sometimes the academic world can be okay.’
