AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I reached out and put my hand on hers. “Really. It’s fine. Just leave them.”
She hesitated for a moment or two, letting our hands remain touching, before she put the plates back down on the coffee table and once again sat in her chair. “If you insist.”
“And I do. So,” I said. “Did you watch that movie with the kids you used to nanny?”
She shook her head. “No. They grew out of movies like that a couple years ago. I just watched it on my own. I know it’s kinda lame, but I like cartoons.”
“I don’t think that’s lame.” I smiled. “Who doesn’t like cartoons?”
“Yeah, okay, but there’s a difference between an adult who watches cartoons with their kids, and an adult who watches cartoons alone.” She folded her arms. “But what can I say? I find these sorts of movies comforting.”
“Is that why you read kids’ books too?”
She drew back and frowned at me. “How did you know that?”
“Will told me,” I said. “Sorry. I hope it wasn’t a secret. When you got up to use the bathroom and we paused the movie, I asked him how his day was and he let slip that two of the three books you bought were for kids. Or young adults.”
She nodded and looked down at her hands. I could tell I had embarrassed her and I felt like an idiot for bringing this up.
“It’s not a secret,” she said. “But no, I don’t read kids’ books because they are comforting. Although, they can be. But, it’s more for… research.”
“Research?”
She shook her head. “Yeah, you know what, it’s nothing. I just—I like to know what kids are reading these days. It makes me a better nanny. I feel like if you spend time consuming the movies and books that kids are, you’re going to have a much easier time relating to them. You’ll always have something to talk to them about too, which is a plus for someone who spends all day with people under ten. So, yeah. It’s just something I do so that I can be better at my job.”
I wasn’t sure she was telling the whole truth, but I decided not to pry. Instead, I just smiled. “I knew there was a reason I hired you. You’re a really good nanny, I hope you know that.”
“Sure,” she said. “I know that. But doyouknow that you’re a really great dad?”
Her voice was clear, and without even a hint of sarcasm. She was being utterly and completely genuine when she said this, and I was so touched, I almost didn’t know how to respond. I ended up taking a sip of water in order to give myself a few more seconds to think, but after I swallowed, it was time that I actually filled the awkward silence. “Thank you,” I said. “That’s… really nice to hear.”
“It’s the truth,” she said. “I’ve watched a lot of kids in my day, and yet I don’t think I’ve ever met a kid as smart and as thoughtful as Will. He minds well, and he’s aware of other people in a way that many adults haven’t even mastered. He’s going to grow up to be a really cool person, and I think he owes a lot of that to you.”
I rubbed the back of my neck and tried to come up with something to say.
“Sorry,” she said when I failed to speak. “I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable–”
“No,” I quickly talked over her. “No, not at all. I’m not uncomfortable, I’m just—Sometimes I can get in my head, you know? I can overthink things, and worry about whether or not I’m doing the best by my kid. It’s hard, being a single parent. When you’re the only person steering the ship, that means that it’s your fault when you steer into a storm, and that’s what I’m always afraid of.”
“You’re not steering Will into a storm,” she assured me. “At least, not from where I’m standing.”
“I know,” I said. “I do know that. On some level. But it’s weird. I used to be a very rational person. Rational and confident—and I still am that way, in every area of my life, except my parenting life. It’s like, when Will was born, the logical side of my brain split from my emotional side, and I was never able to get them to talk to each other again. It works fine when I’m at work—I just use the logical side there. Don’t need much emotion to run a staff meeting. But when I’m home, and I’m thinking about how to best take care of my son… I don’t know…”
“You don’t think you can be rational when it comes to Will?”
“Not always,” I said. “I’ll give you an example. I’m sure Will has already told you that I haven’t let him watch any of theJurassic Parkmovies, right?”
She laughed. “He mentioned that the first day we met.”
“That sounds about right. But here’s the thing, when I was a kid, we were allowed to watch pretty much whatever we wanted. Our mom would sometimes come downstairs and turn the TV off if she saw anything too violet or sexual, but once she got sick, no one really came around to see what we were watching. We had free-rein. And honestly, I turned out fine. I never had any nightmares or anything, so when I got older, I remember thinking that those TV and movie ratings were nonsense. I figured it should always be a case-by-case basis. That’s what made logical sense to me. And it still does. Then, I had Will, and all of a sudden, I couldn’t think logically anymore. All I cared about was the fact that showing my son something when he was too young might mess him up in some irreparable way, and it would be all my fault. So now, I follow every rating to aT.”
Stephanie nodded her head but her expression told me she wasn’t totally following what I was saying.
“I’m not making any sense, am I?”
She smiled. “No, you’re making sense. It’s just that… well… I can’t be the first person to tell you this, but you’re going to mess up your kid no matter how hard you try not to.”
I balked. “That’s not true.”
