AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Shrugging, he took a sip of his drink before he continued. “You remember my brother, right?”
“You mean the one you refused to talk to again for the rest of your life?”
He snorted, shooting me a look. “Yeah, that one. We’re at an okay place, although I still think he’s an asshole. He’s a doctor of psychiatry now, believe it or not.”
“What did he tell you?” His brother was much older, breaking free of the entire family. I didn’t ask about all the circumstances, and I doubted Jeremy would tell me.
“Look, I had to twist his arm and he broke more than a few rules to find out why Isabella was committed to Pine Haven. Her doctor was a college buddy of his. The guy refused to say but so much, fearful that if their discussion was found out then he’d be lucky to find a job helping seals in Siberia. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
I turned to face him when I heard the rustle of paper. “I understand.”
“However, he did let a few things slip that are probably the reason the Adamses didn’t tell Isabella much. Do with this what you want, but I’m asking you to destroy it once you make that determination. Okay? There’s no reason to talk ill of the dead.”
As he handed me an envelope, I could read between the lines. The information provided wasn’t about Isabella. “I appreciate you doing this.”
“Least I could do. You kept me from jumping off a building once. I know this is important to you.”
“It is.” Finding out the truth was really none of my damn business, but the not knowing was tearing Isabella apart. I shoved it into my back pocket, uncertain what the hell do to with it. The last thing I wanted to do was crush her with a single affirmation about her father.
He studied me for a few seconds before returning his attention to the darkness. “Did I ever tell you what I was thinking as I was standing on that ledge?”
He’d begged me never to mention to anyone that he’d almost killed himself, promising to seek professional help. If I had to guess, I’d say that’s when and how he reconnected with his brother. “No. You wanted to put it behind you.”
“I did and I still do. I’m not that messed-up shithead any longer, at least I like to think so.” He lifted his glass toward the sky. “Do you remember that night? It kind of reminded me of this one. There’d been a huge storm, the lightning still flashing in the sky. I’d been insistent on going to the roof. You had no idea why. You just thought I was the same crazy fuck you remembered from combat.”
“I remember everything about that night.” It was one I never wanted to think about again, but I’d known then just as I knew now that neither one of us would ever be able to get over it. I’d lost a portion of my soul in the hole I’d been shoved into. I’d certainly lost every scrap of humanity. That had been the night my soul had been challenged. My best friend and the only man I’d trusted without question had stood on a ledge seventeen stories above a crowded street on a dark, windy night.
And I’d almost allowed him to take what he’d called a leap of faith. And why? Because life no longer meant a goddamn thing to me. I’d been the one who’d wanted to have the courage to take the giant step, ending a pain that I knew would never go away.
“I remember,” I managed, succumbing to the need to drown another round of ugliness in the bottom of a glass.
“I was thinking that I wished I could be you. Isn’t that crazy? You’d survived something an animal should never be forced to endure, and I wanted to be you so badly I was willing to die praying I’d be reincarnated.” He chuckled. “Of course, that was the bottle of tequila doing my thinking. You said one thing to me that I never forgot. To this day, I think about it at least three times a week.”
I had no fucking idea what I’d said to him. After a bolt of lightning had lit up the sky that wretched night, it had felt like the hand of God had slammed me against a wall, telling me to wake the fuck up or I’d lose my buddy. All I remembered after that is tackling him onto the roof, holding him down until he stopped screaming at me. “Nah. I don’t.”
“You said that you’d forgotten how important it was to savor every moment. Breathing. Laughing. Loving. Fucking. I know it sounds stupid, but it stuck with me. After that, I knew it was time for a change.”
I made a drink and stared into the glass as I’d done before so many times, hoping to find some sense of salvation or the will to live.
“Anyway, I never told you thank you for saving my life, buddy. And I took your advice. Except for loving. I don’t have that in me. But you do.”
“Meaning what?”
He turned to face me, allowing his gaze to fall to my boots. “You love her. Don’t try and give me any crap that you don’t or can’t because she’s your mark or mission or whatever you want to call her. That doesn’t matter.”
“Yeah, well, tell that to my boss.”
“Since when did you ever follow the damn rules?”
I had to laugh seeing the expression on his face. “Things are different. I don’t want to ruin her life.”
“Why would you? Because you’re a broken man? Because you don’t deserve to have happiness after what happened, the reason you were captured? You spent so much time trying to make certain I didn’t find another tall building that you forgot about your needs. Then you disappeared. Hell, I thought you were the one who’d offed yourself. I even called our old contact trying to find out. I don’t know the whole situation and I’m certainly not the best man to give you advice on women, but I can say this about life. It is worth living, but only if you allow yourself joy. Fucking find it, my friend, before it’s too late.”
His stare reminded me of the hard glare I’d given him so many times, usually when he wouldn’t shut the fuck up before we headed into enemy territory. I’d always thought his mouth would get us killed. When I said nothing, he shook his head, concentrating on his drink for a full minute.
“So what’s the plan? Are we laying low for a few days?”
I thought about his question. “Something smells about every bit of this.”
