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“I remember.”
“I was fortunate enough to find an excellent husband and I am determined that you shall be given the same chance. You are much too young and beautiful to remain a companion, Miss Fullerton. Have no fear. We will succeed, albeit without you joiningmyfamily which was my dearest wish.”
Taking in a deep breath, Deborah let it out slowly, blinking back the hot tears which had formed in her eyes.
“Thank you, Lady Havisham.”
The lady reached out and patted her hand.
“But of course. Now go and change your gown before you catch a cold! And do not rush back, there is no need for haste.”
A sharp glint came into her eye and Deborah laughed, relieved now that she had been able to speak of Lord Havisham without having to hold back from the truth.
“I shall make sure I am entirely presentable, Lady Havisham,” she promised, as the lady let go of her hand. “Do excuse me.”
Deborah walked out of Lady Havisham’s presence and made her way back to her bedchamber. But this time, there was a smile on her face and a joyous relief in her heart that Lady Havisham had understood her reluctance towards Lord Havisham, and had not tried to force the match. There was still hope for her yet, and that was a great relief to Deborah indeed.
Chapter Three
That was my fault entirely.
Jonathan grimaced as he glanced down at the empty glass in his hand. He ought not to have blamed the lady, but he had been so mortified at his own foolishness that he had found himself saying such things to her without being able to stop himself. His hand was damp, and he gave it a small shake, striding towards the library without hesitation.
Swinging the door open, he stepped inside and allowed himself a moment or two to breathe in the stillness. In the first week of his mother and Miss Fullerton being present in his home, Jonathan had struggled not to notice the young lady. She was always very quiet indeed, but that did not mean that he was easily able to ignore her. Why had his mother not hired an older lady for a companion? Why must she have taken on such a young lady? It was rather unfair on the latter, Jonathan considered, for she would have to be in amongst society where the gentlemen would observe her and see her gentle looks but then be informed that she was a companion and, thus, would forget her entirely.
Jonathan frowned. He did not know much about the young lady’s background, save for the fact that she was the daughter of a Viscount. That was all his mother had told him, and yet there must be some reason for her to be a paid companion rather than out in society in her own right. Jonathan had never considered asking his mother anything more about Miss Fullerton’s situation, but mayhap he ought to do so.
Although it is not as though I have shown any interest in her up until this moment.
His lips twisted. Miss Fullerton was not his companion and thus, Jonathan had chosen to make very little of her presence. If his mother wished to have a companion, then the lady washerresponsibility and had nothing whatsoever to do with Jonathan himself. Running his fingers over the books on one of the many, many shelves, Jonathan tried to turn his thoughts from Miss Fullerton and think about his reasons for coming to the library in the first place, but the guilt rushing through his heart simply would not leave him. He should not have blamed the lady, should not have said such things about her being tardy for his mother. That had been uncalled for, and he had seen the flash of hurt in her eyes.
I ought to apologize.
The very idea hit hard against him, and Jonathan had to fight through it, telling himself that even though he did not wish to, it would be the right thing to do. If he did not, then the guilt would linger within him and he would struggle to fight against it, every time he saw her. No, it would be wise for him simply to make amends and, thereafter, continue with his own endeavors.
“Only a word or two will suffice,” he told himself, turning back towards the door. “She does not need more than that.”
The only reason he was doing so was for his own sake rather than for hers and, striding from the room, Jonathan made his way purposefully towards the dining room.
The sound of his mother’s voice stopped him.
“It is not a mistake to believe my son selfish.”
He stopped, his hand reaching out for the door handle but finding himself suddenly unwilling to step inside. His heart twisted but Jonathan attempted to ignore the dull ache that came thereafter. There was some truth in that statement, and it was not one that he wished to ignore. In behaving as he did and in making certain that he was not often in his mother’s company, Jonathan could well understand why she thought him selfish. After all, all such choices had been done simply for his own benefit, so thathewould not have to endure any fragment of difficulty or annoyance.
His mouth bunched to one side.
Then why does it irritate me to hear it?
“And on top of which, I am, at present, entirely ignored by him. I am all too aware of my social standing, Lady Havisham, but have found such a generous and kind spirit in you, and such a contentedness with your household, that I cannot help but express my gratitude. However, Lord Havisham does not so much as greet me!”
Jonathan’s lips flattened, his hand falling to his side as he heard Miss Fullerton speak. It was not her place to speak so, and he fully expected his mother to reprimand her for doing so – but Miss Fullerton continued, unhindered.
“It is as though I am below the status of a servant, for at least they are acknowledged! But I remain as if I am a shadow and nothing more. This incident was entirely his fault, for he walked directly from his study without so much as lifting his head to look ahead of him and yet, somehow, he concocted something quite ridiculous as to why the fault was mine.” A piercing heat rammed itself through Jonathan’s chest and he took a small step back from the door, as if she had reached out and struck him. How dare she speak to his mother in such a way? Whether or not it was the truth, Miss Fullerton ought to have more respect for his position as well as being aware of her own. “Forgive me, Lady Havisham, for speaking too bluntly, but I fear I must tell you the truth. I find Lord Havisham arrogant, selfish, prideful, and with a disdain for others that I cannot overlook. In short, Lady Havisham, I do not think I could ever marry such a gentleman.”
The tightness in Jonathan’s chest grew. Marry? Why should he ever think of marrying a companion – and why indeed should Miss Fullerton even consider such a thing given her position in his household? He wanted to laugh, to shake his head in mirth, but his lips refused to pull themselves upwards. Instead, the harsh words she had spoken seemed to fling themselves at him repeatedly, leaving him bruised. Dropping his head, Jonathan ran one hand through his hair and then turned on his heel to walk away.
“Then you wish me to drop the scheme?”
