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“But why did you not go at once?” Lady Havisham shooed her towards the door. “You will be cold!”
“I did not want to be tardy.” Deborah’s shoulders slumped as she realized just how much Lord Havisham’s words had troubled her heart. “I was afraid you would be waiting and given that I am meant to join you for breakfast on time, I thought it would be a little poor of me to be so very late.”
Lady Havisham’s eyes widened and, reaching out, she caught one of Deborah’s hands.
“My dear girl, you must not think of yourself in such terms! There is norequirementfor you to join me here, although I do hope that you will continue to do so since I very much enjoy your company! I will never reprimand you for being late or for choosing not to appear at all, should you wish for a morning’s rest.” Her eyes were now filled with concern and as she pressed Deborah’s hand, something shifted in her expression. “I do hope that my son has not been saying anything that might make you so concerned?” Deborah pressed her lips tight together as she fought to find something to say which would neither be the full truth nor a complete lie. “And wasthismy son’s doing also?” Lady Havisham’s voice was a little higher pitched now as she gestured to Deborah’s gown. “You must tell me the truth, Miss Fullerton.”
“It was an accident only.” She tried to smile but felt it falter. “Lord Havisham was very busy and did not see that I was walking towards him. The glass he held in his hand was subsequently upturned and….” With a drop of her head, she gestured to her gown. “I should go to change.”
Lady Havisham did not release her hand.
“And somehow, in the conversation which followed thereafter, he managed to make you feel as though you ought to make your way here first, rather than go to change?” Deborah could not do anything other than nod, dropping her head a little lower in embarrassment. In trying to do what was right, she had managed to upset Lady Havisham and would, no doubt, now find that her acknowledgment of this would lead to further difficulty. “Hmm.” Lady Havisham’s brows flickered low over her eyes. “Go and change, Miss Fullerton, but do not make too much haste. There is something I wish to discuss with my son, and it would be best if you were not present.”
“Please.” Deborah stepped forward. “I do not want to cause any difficulty between you and Lord Havisham. It is only a little matter and I –”
“My son will not be permitted to make you feel belittled and concerned over being tardy, Miss Fullerton.” Lady Havisham’s eyes glinted with anger. “You have been an excellent companion to me and, as you know, I have every intention of making a match with you and my son – although if he continues on in such a way, I fear that it will never come to pass.”
Wondering if she should speak openly, Deborah pressed Lady Havisham’s hand.
“Lady Havisham, that is indeed a very kind thought, and you cannot know the full extent of my gratitude that you would eventhinkof such a thing for someone such as I but, equally, there is no eagerness on my part to be connected to your son.” She licked her lips, seeing Lady Havisham’s frown and fearful now that she had offended the lady. “That is not to say that I believe it to be at all your doing in any way but –”
“You think him selfish.”
Deborah nodded.
“I have always done so. Ever since I have been your companion, I have seen how eagerly you have waited for his arrival, for a letter to inform you of his whereabouts and his undertakings – but you received none. It has been near three years since you have been in each other’s company for it was just before I became your companion, was it not?” A little less concerned, Deborah continued with more confidence. “And even now, the only reason that you find yourself in your son’s company was simply because he did not know of your arrival, having misplaced the letter that you sent. Had he received it, do you believe that he would still have been here in London?”
Lady Havisham closed her eyes.
“You are not mistaken in your assertion, Miss Fullerton.” Her shoulders dropped. “It is not a mistake to believe my son selfish.”
“And on top of which, I am, at present, entirely ignored by him.” Throwing up her hands, Deborah allowed her exasperation free. “I am all too aware of my social standing, Lady Havisham, but have found such a generous and kind spirit in you, and such a contentedness with your household, that I cannot help but express my gratitude. However, Lord Havisham does not so much as greet me! It is as though I am below the status of a servant, for at least they are acknowledged! But I remain as if I am a shadow and nothing more. This incident,” she gestured to her gown, “was entirely his fault for he walked directly from his study without so much as lifting his head to look ahead of him and yet, somehow, he concocted something quite ridiculous as to why the fault was mine.” Shaking her head, Deborah closed her eyes. “Forgive me, Lady Havisham, for speaking too bluntly but I fear I must tell you the truth.” Opening her eyes, she looked directly back at Lady Havisham and took in a deep breath. “I find Lord Havisham arrogant, selfish, prideful, and with a disdain for others which I cannot overlook. In short, Lady Havisham, I do not think I could ever marry such a gentleman.”
Lady Havisham sighed.
“Then you wish me to drop the scheme?”
Deborah swallowed hard. To state that yes, she wished her to do so might very well leave her in her present situation for the rest of her days – but the truth was, even if she were offered Lord Havisham’s hand, Deborah did not think she could accept. That would bring her a life of misery and, even though her situation was not as she had once hoped, it would be better than tying herself to such a gentleman for the rest of her life!
“I do, Lady Havisham.”
The lady closed her eyes but nodded.
“I cannot blame you for such a decision, Miss Fullerton. There is not one word of a lie in anything that you have said.”
“I did not mean to injure you in saying such things. I hope I have not done.”
Lady Havisham laughed but it was a sad, broken sound.
“You have not. You have only told me of the very same observations that are within my own mind. However, that does not mean that I will give up my plan for you entirely, Miss Fullerton!” Sounding a good deal brighter, Lady Havisham smiled back at her. “If you are not to wed my son, then I shall have to find someone much more improved than he to match you with.”
Swamped with relief that she was not to lose her opportunity entirely, Deborah looked down, squeezed her eyes closed and tried to laugh.
“Thank you, Lady Havisham. That is very kind of you.”
“You did not think that I would turn away from such an endeavor just because you have rejected my son?” Lady Havisham’s voice was soft, and Deborah lifted her head meekly, not wanting the lady to see the truth in her eyes. “Miss Fullerton, recall that I know all too well what your situation is. With your father as cruel and as harsh as he is, there is no circumstance on earth that would have me pushing you back towards him. What I have promised to you remains. Your father will know naught of my plan as we have agreed but I am determined that you shall find a happy and secure future, far from your present situation. I can well understand what you must be feeling at present, given that I too was once a companion.”
Deborah nodded.
