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Holt had no idea what that meant, but he was a hundred percent sure Shane was right. “Any chance you’re going to be out of the house tonight?”
A grin spread across Shane’s mouth. “That’s more like it. Give me ten minutes and I’ll disappear. Check the grounds and watch from a distance so you won’t need to guard your back.”
“You have five minutes.”
Chapter Twelve
Lindsey wasn’t in the mood to be coddled or placated. She wasn’t a fragile doll, but she wasn’t heartless either. She knew how a person could wither without affection and what it did to everything from your self-esteem to your outlook on life.
Someone she’d helped and nurtured and groomed to fit better into the real world was gone. At twenty-two. It amounted to a sick and horrible waste. She had no idea how Kelly would recover when the only support she’d ever had was her brother, now dead.
And then there was Roger...and Grant, whom she didn’t know but who should still be mourned. The guy outside the Noonans’ house. The bodies kept piling up until her insides shook with fear.
She sat on her bed, then stood up. When the nerves in her hands began to tremble, she rubbed her palms together. Was it really just a week ago when she was happy to lock and relock and check and triple-check her doors each night? That made her feel safe. Now she knew how naive that all was.
“Lindsey?”
She didn’t hear a knock or the door. Nothing but Holt’s deep voice as it filled her room and moved through her head. “Do you need something?”
He stepped inside and closed the door behind him. “You.”
She couldn’t have heard that right. All the adrenaline and crackling of her nerves had her brain misfiring. She looked up and tried to read his expression but couldn’t. “What did you just say?”
“Nothing.”
“I don’t think that’s true.”
His hand went back to the doorknob. “I can leave.”
“No.” She practically shouted the denial.
“Okay.” He stepped farther into the room. Kept coming until he got to the bed. Then he sat down beside her.
The mattress dipped from his weight, and her body slid into his. “I can’t seem to calm my nerves. I feel like I’m six seconds from flying apart.”
His palm slipped over her thigh. “It’s aftermath.”
“It’s pretty awful.” She thought that qualified as the understatement of the century. “Do you always feel like this?”
“Just sometimes.” He slid his hand over hers and their fingers entwined. “Your nerve endings are on fire. The danger and fear, the sadness and pain. It’s all mixing and getting jammed up inside you.”
“How do I get rid of it?” She flipped his hand over and studied his palm. Such a strong hand. Long fingers and the calluses of a man who engaged in physical labor on a regular basis.
“Different things work for different people.” His thumb rubbed against the back of her hand. Slow, lazy circles that soothed her even as her insides continued to churn.
Bold had worked for her once before. She tried it again. “Any chance kissing does the trick?”
He froze for a second before resuming the intoxicating touching. “I am trying very hard not to be a jerk here.”
She’d never thought of him that way. Stubborn, yes. The man could give classes in that. “You’re not.”
“Are you sure? Because it feels like I’m about to cross the boundary.”
He’d lost her. “What do you mean?”
He shook his head, and his voice dipped even lower. “You’re upset and I don’t want to take advantage.”
Wow, was he misreading the situation! The worry was sweet but misplaced. If anything, her mind wandered in the other direction. She’d made it clear she was interested. Even made a not-so-subtle offer in bed last night. He ignored it all.
She’d begun to think he could fight back his feelings for her without trouble, which was not the most flattering idea in the world. Also made her crazed with a mix of disappointment and sadness.
She knew that was ridiculous now. Energy whirled around him, but he kept it in check. He was so set on doing his job that he put being a man with needs aside. She wanted him to let loose. To trust her enough to take a chance.
But he needed to say it. She could not be alone in taking the risk. “Do you want me?”
“Since the first time I saw you in the café. Not a question and don’t ever doubt it.” There was no hesitation in his words or in his smile. “The way you looked and the way you carried yourself. The mix of strength and hotness had me forgetting about the assignment, and for the record, that never happens.”
