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Breck started to pace beneath the big tree he’d parked beside. Hopefully, the promise of turning a new leaf would convince the man. Breck’s resolution to live his life in a more sustainable way.
Rubbing his skull cut, he nodded absently. Yeah, Kai would respect that. Knowing him, he’d probably even cheer Breck on.
He frowned. But would Kai take him back? Give them another chance? Was their connection strong enough to even support such a hope? The energy between them enough to hold the line?
Chest tight, he glanced up at Kai’s windows. That stretch of portals that breached into a world of so much bliss. Not just the sexual sort, though. The contentment kind, too. When Kai had made him dinner. When they’d eaten and talked. Shared parts of their lives in a way that, at least for Breck, he didn’t typically do. Spending time with a person who didn’t see him as merely an icon, or someone to compete with to see who could shotgun a twelve pack faster. But as an actual living, breathing person, with thoughts and emotions, intimate dreams and desires. Yeah, Ned and the others saw him for him, but only to an extent. To them, he was the guy they’d known since high school, and that was it.
With Kai, he was neither an idol nor an established perception. He was the man he chose to be in any given moment. That’s how Kai rolled and Breck fucking loved that. Made him feel so fucking free to live in the present. In the now.
Breck gazed at the soft light glowing from those windows and wondered if Kai would offer him that freedom tonight. Letting the past be the past, the future yet to be seen. Or was Breck just fooling himself with a false sense of optimism. At the time, Ned’s little pep talk had sounded promising, but now that he stood just feet from Kai’s door, his confidence wavered.
Pivoting on his heel for another lap beneath the tree, the gist of Ned’s message circled back around in his mind. Stop listening to his head and start following his heart. Keep a clear perspective on what actually mattered. On the things in life that sated his spirit, not his fucking pride.
His conversation with his dad filtered back into his brain. But this time, his perspective on it was indescribably clear. It wasn’t that he’d lost interest in basketball, because he hadn’t. The NBA was still his dream. Not because of the fame and fortune, as he used to believe, but because he lovedthe game.
Not enough to sacrifice his future, though. To concede life with a partner and go it alone.
And certainly not enough to have to pretend for the rest of his life.
Just the notion of such an existence snuffed out all excitement. Made his lifelong goal suddenly feel like a lifelongsentence.
Excitement.
Ned’s advice from their racquetball game resurfaced, when he told Breck to go after what excited him most. To let it lead him because it knew the way. Which Breck could see now meant the same thing as following his heart.
He stopped short, realizing in hindsight that ever since he’d met Kai, he’d been doing the exact opposite; adamantlyignoringhis heart. Obstinately dismissing what it’d been telling him every step of the way.
Another exhale left him.Jesus. All this time, it had been fighting to guide him toward where he was supposed to go. Toward what he was supposed to do.Whohe was supposed to be. Like some built-in GPS whose directions he’d been refusing to acknowledge.
And surer than shit, every time he’d disregarded them, he’d wound up at a dead end or lost in some proverbial ghetto, the repercussions growing worse with each evade until he’d literally run off the road.
He could see it all so clearly now. It’d been steering him back to Kai. The pivotal piece to his happily-ever-after. Because a future with Kai was equivalent to Breck being true to himself.
Heart thumping, he peered back at those windows. Kai was up there right now. So close, he could almost taste him.
So, what was his heart telling him to do right now? He closed his eyes and focused. Listened. To that silent space between each rhythmic beat.
Give yourself to him. With no reservations.
Just the prospect had his insides lighting bright.
Meaning that was unequivocally the path to follow. The same path he’d followed twice before with Kai, both times left with a soul-deep contentment of which there were no words to describe.
Because everything, absolutelyallof it, had felt totallyreal.
Resolved, he inhaled deeply, then let it out. Rolled his shoulders and made his way to the door. Pulse accelerating, he eyed the intercom… and then pushed the button.
Would Kai ignore him and not answer at all?
Would he tell him through the speaker that he wasn’t interested and to just go home?
He’d have to be ready for whatever method Kai used to send him away.
The intercom never sounded though, Kai’s dismissal through the speaker never coming to pass. Instead, and to Breck’s great surprise, Kai opened up the door himself and met his gaze, his up-close-and-personal the most beautiful sight for Breck’s anxious eyes. The most refreshing image to his spirit since, well, their last encounter.
And yet, despite how happy Breck was to see him,Kai’sdemeanor looked unmistakably reserved. Wary even. As if he were debating whether opening that door would prove a colossal mistake.
Without thinking, Breck surprised even himself, and humbly bowed at the waist in a show of respect. When he straightened back up, Kai was eyeing him, looking taken off guard. But then something shifted in his expression and he returned the gesture. When their eyes met again, his gaze looked softer, his features less tense despite the guarded set of his jaw.
