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“This?” Kai frowned, lifting a brow.
“You know… This thing betweenus. I mean, I know we got off to a rocky start, but—”
“Breck,” Kai curtly stopped him. “That’s not going to happen.” He glanced toward the door.
A cue that their discussion was over?
Breck’s heart clenched, a lump forming in his throat. “Just hear me out.” He lifted his palms in supplication. “Please.”
Kai’s jaw muscle ticked. He met Breck’s gaze. And God, did his expression look unsure. Guarded even. Those midnight eyes downright uneasy. He didn’t want to be disappointed.
In other words, he didn’t trust Breck not to let him down again.
And that look on his face said he didn’t believe Breck could say anything that would assuage that distrust.
It was officially time for the rubber to meet the road.
Swallowing, Breck gripped his nape, gave it a knead and then got to talking, hoping like hell his heartfelt petition would be enough. “It’s hard for me to open up, I know this. And I know I throw all kinds of fucked up vibes…. But I’ve been doing a lot of thinking… Ever since that night when… you know… I wrecked my car.”
Kai nodded once but didn’t reply.
Breck cleared his throat. “And what I realized is that the reason I’ve been drinking is because I’ve been trying to escape. But not just situations like that party. I’ve been trying to escapethismeand my fake fucking life. I understand this now, because when I’m withyou? When I’m with you, I finally know how it feels to bereal.
“But for the longest time, I didn’t want to acknowledge that. Which was the biggest effing brain fuck of my life. I mean, God, every time we’re together, you feel so fucking good to me, but my head’s been like,how could this possibly be good? You threaten my very existence—not to mention, upend everything I thought I knew about myself. I’m into guys, yeah, but not like I’m into you. And honestly, that scared me on a level I didn’t know how to deal with.
“So badlyI wanted not to want you… and yet, at the same time, I couldn’t bear to stay away.”
Kai averted his gaze. “So, I’m your first real guy crush. That was bound to happen sooner or later.”
“No. It’s not like that. It’s different. I’m attracted to you more than I’ve ever been attracted toanyone.But it’s more than even that, Kai. You see who I really am. So when I’m with you, I can actuallybe me. And when I’m me, God, I’m finallyfree. Free to truly appreciate every aspect of the incredible manyouare. And then, fuck, that energy between us just fucking explodes.”
Kai looked back at him.
Breck met his gaze. “This thing between us, this chemistry we create… We can’t just throw that away, Kai. We can’t. It’s once in a lifetime.”
Kai’s frown turned sad. “There’s gotta be more than justgood chemistry,Breck.”
Breck furrowed his brow, his heart wrenching. “You act like that isn’teverything. But it is. It’s the whole fucking world. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. And I’m not even just talking about the sex—although just FYI, ours was the best fuck I’ve ever had. Not to mention those indescribable moments after. When you treated me with, God, suchreverence. You acted like you cherished me. Not because I’m the king of the court, but because of the realness we’d just shared.”
Kai swallowed and rubbed his brow. “That… That was just aftercare. Something all Doms do for their subs.”
Breck stilled, his gut twisting. “So, what are you saying? That you didn’t feel it? That incredible fucking synergy we created that night?”
Again, Kai averted his gaze. Appeared to force a shrug. “It’s a re-bonding period. Designedspecificallyto make a sub feel special.”
He was dodging. Breck could sense it. “But I’m not your sub.”
“I waspretendingyou were, though. Remember?” Kai met his gaze sharply. “Because that’s what you wanted, just like the time before. For us to act out your little fantasy and make believe it was real.”
Fuck. Breck deserved that, but still… “So, what, are you’re saying the way you treated me wasno differentthan the way you’d treat other guys?” He just… He just couldn’t believe that.
Kai shrugged a second time, but this time didn’t answer.
Aka no comment.
Which sure felt like another dodge.
Which, in turn, was just enough to give Breck a spark of hope. Time to put it all fucking out there. “The way I feel about you isn’t make believe. The way I feel about you couldn’t bemorereal. You’re amazing. Funny. Confident. Strong. And like nobody else, you’ve managed to see through my façade. You seeme,” he pressed. “Not as an icon but an actual person. Not as a king, or a basketball star, but just a regular guy. Someone who doesn’t always have to excel. Or prove himself. Or constantly protect his status in the public eye.”
