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Kai smiled a little, but he still looked sad. “I’m glad, Breck. I’m glad I made you feel seen. But—”
“No.” Breck shook his head, his heart hammering. “You’re still not getting it. I realize now that that’s worth more to me than any crown. Worth even more to me than my hard-fought image.” He held Kai’s gaze, his mind resolute. “I’m gonna go public. Likenow. Before the Draft. I’m done fuckin’ faking. Not doing it anymore. For real. I’mout.”
Kai stilled, looking visibly surprised. “That’s… That’s great, Breck.” And yet, he still sounded bleak. “But where we’re concerned... You’ve still got a lot of growing up to—”
“I know,” Breck admitted wholeheartedly. He stepped closer, unable to help it. “You’re right. I understand that now. I’m gonna get my act together. After Hawaii, I’m moving out of the frat house and staying with Ned for a while.” Not that Ned was the greatest influence on the planet, but compared to that party pad, he almost looked like a saint. “And I’m gonna stop drinking. Flat-out, cold fucking turkey. Shit, I’ll even go to AA if I have to. No more messing around.”
Kai looked shocked by that, and maybe even a little bit hopeful, yet his overall expression remained that of someone still wary to let down his guard. “That’s a promising start, I’ll admit. And I’m proud of you. But… I need more than that. Amidst all these changes, I need to know where your heart is at. Still solely focused on a future in the limelight? Because—”
“It’s with you,” Breck blurted. “It always has been, since the first day we met.”
That confession seemed to give Kai pause. And yet, goddamn it, he still looked apprehensive.
“Look, I know our history’s been crazy, but I swear, I wanna do things right this time. Just tell me how.”
Eyes pensive, Kai held his gaze. “You’ve got to figure that out for yourself.”
Breck quieted, digging deep for what Kai needed. The words to prove that he’d changed, and that what they had was still worth fighting for. This was his one chance, a three pointer from half court as the buzzer’s going off.
Heart racing, he grappled to organize his thoughts, then just let it all flow without any barriers or reservations. “It’s always been about acceptance from others. Earning their approval, their respect, their love. But I understand now that I have to… I have to start getting that love from myself. Enough so that I no longer care what the outside world thinks. I don’t need their fuckin’ validation. Only my own. And then I can finally treatyouthe wayyoudeserve to be treated.”
Kai stared at him, looking kind of speechless. Like he hadn’t expected those words to ever come from Breck’s mouth.
“I’m sorry for being so self-absorbed,” Breck murmured. “I’m sorry I made it all about me.”
Silence ticked by.
Emotions churned in Kai’s eyes. Emotions that, to Breck’s frustration, he couldn’t discern.
All he could do was just stand there, vulnerable and exposed.
Out of nowhere, he found himself sinking to his knees, although why he deemed he should do this, he wasn’t sure. His heart was guiding him though, and he was determined to trust it. A final attempt to relay the way he felt.
Lump growing in his throat, he extended his arms to the sides, then gazed up at Kai and uttered the words he never thought he’d speak. “I take off my crown for you, Kai. It’s gone.”
A conflicted groan emitted in Kai’s throat. “I don’t want you to take off your crown.”
“I know.” Breck’s voice cracked with emotion. “Which is exactly why I’m willing to do it.” Closing his eyes, he palmed the back of Kai’s thighs, then rested his head against Kai’s stomach and loosed an anguished moan.
Kai’s exhale was ragged. “Breck.” He settled his hands atop Breck’s shoulders.
A move to hold Breck close, or to push him away?
Breck groaned at the prospect of that latter. “Please… Give us one more try.” Lifting his eyes, he gazed up at Kai with unconcealed intensity. “Bind me. Use me. Love me. Do whatever you want. I wanna be whatyouneed tonight.”
Kai’s jaw muscle ticked, his expression a storm of emotions. His eyes, quietly misting with tears. “You’resureyou’re ready to be the manIneed,jeja?” His thick voice dipped lower, his timbre turning to velvet. “No more fuckingpretending.”
Breck’s heart skipped an elated beat. It’d felt like eternity since Kai had called himjeja.
A tender endearment he now cherished more than gold.
Holding Kai’s gaze, he exhaled softly and smiled. “I wasneverpretending.”
—EIGHTEEN—
Kai’s defenses wavered at Breck’s raw confession, his words like a balm to his weary soul.
Nevertheless, he was still reluctant to believe him. But as he leaned into Breck’s energy, he could sense that Breck was being sincere. Something that swayed him even more than Breck down on his knees, vowing to change and abstain from alcohol. Or even more surprisingly, to go public about being bi right before the Draft.
