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I didn’t deserve her.
But I needed her more than anything in the world. More than showing the world that I didn’t need anyone to get to the top. Because all I was doing was hurting the only person I had ever loved.
Hadn’t I already hurt her enough?
I had made Autumn a promise that I was all in. I wouldn’t retract it now. Not ever. Even if it meant moving back to New York and buying a family home and working for my uncle. Making Autumn happy should be my focus.
I reclined onto my back and stared at the inky sky. It was difficult to see the stars, but they were there. As soon as I calmed my racing heart, I’d go to Autumn, get down on one knee, and ask her to marry my sorry ass one more time. For the last time.
If she said yes, I would live out all the days of my life a grateful man. I’d do everything in my power to make her happy and be the best dad I could be to our children.
19
Autumn
AFTER AN HOUR had passed, I had the driver take me back to the hotel. I had felt I was in the way at the Morgans home. Gwen and her family had left. I couldn’t handle the guys staring at me or Mona’s sweet attempt to console me. She tried to tell me it would all be okay, but I wasn’t so sure. It wasn’t like Eli to cower away from conflict. He didn’t run from the challenges in his life. He hit them straight on.
But this had been different. I saw the fear in his eyes like he was a trapped animal. I didn’t even know if there was a baby inside me, and we were already trapping him. It broke my heart.
I would never force anything on Eli. It was why I divorced him in the first place. I loved him beyond my wants and desires and had given him his freedom.
And I would give it to him now.
I entered the honeymoon suite heavy-hearted. It was a beautiful, romantic room. Eyeing the sofa where Eli had claimed me all over again choked me up. Tears burned behind my eyes. Things had changed from one day to the next.
It was why I couldn’t be in this room. I had no idea if Eli would return. All I knew was I needed to leave, so I started to pack with no real plan of what I’d do once I’d gathered my stuff. I’d get another room for the night as it was too late to fly home, but I’d leave tomorrow. Cindy and Louis could stay for the remainder of the conference. I hadn’t really learned anything I didn’t know anyway.
A faint buzzing caught my attention. It came from my purse on the bed. I dug out my phone and answered it.
“Eli?”
“Autumn! Oh God, Autumn. Thank you for answering.”
“Are you okay?”
“I called you ten times and you didn’t answer.”
“Sorry. I didn’t hear it.” A tear slipped out of my eye as I listened to his heavy breathing. “Did you need something?”
“You were gone when I got back to my uncle’s place. Where are you?”
“I didn’t feel right staying there. They’re your family… So I returned to the hotel. I’m just packing my—”
“No! Stay put. My driver is pulling up to the valet. Don’t leave, Autumn. Don’t you leave.”
“Eli, I just—”
“Christ, please just stay put.” The panic in his voice made my skin prickle.
“Fine. I’ll stay put.”
“I’ll be there in five minutes.”
“Okay.”
He ended the call. I looked around the elegant room, unsure of what to do. Why did he want me to stay after he had left me?
I went to the large picture window and gazed at Central Park. Even at night it was beautiful. I remembered all of Eli’s stories about it being his and his cousins’ backyard after moving in with them. I’d envied his childhood and all the fun things they’d done. My parents couldn’t afford much more than the roof over my head and a few treats, like ice-skating in Rockefeller Center each Christmas or a family vacation in Florida once every few years.
